Should I go to my sister's wedding?

Question

My parents are flying to Cyprus and if I want to go, will pay for my ticket too. My younger sister is my best friend in the world and I want to be there more than anything but here are some reasons why I probably won't go and I need some inupt to help make the final decision:

1. I will be 15 weeks pregnant when we fly out and the trip, including layovers will be 24 hours. We will be on a plane at one point for 12 hours.

2. I will have to fly back by myself

3. We recently lost my older sister to a car accident and she was 7 months pregnant, so my parents are terrified of me flying back by myself after the wedding

4. my dad thinks I will be risking a miscarriage from the stress of travelling

5. I sometimes suffer from clinical anxiety but it has been gone for 2 weeks. I will not be able to take medication if it comes back during the trip, as I am pregnant.

6. I have a child with autism and another with asthma who I hate to leave behind, even though I know my husband, their daddy will take good care of them

I want to be brave. I want to go and be there for the most important day of her life. On the other hand, I am organizing a wedding for her here in Florida (even though she will already be married but it is for her friends here and so my kids can be in it.)

I could just put my energies into the one over here, but to not be at her real wedding seems tragic to me and I want to be courageous, not a wimp.

I need to decide by friday so my mom can buy the tickets.

help.

Answer 1

Do not risk your unborn child. Take the couple out to dinner when they return.

Ashley (the first poster):

Is any kind of alcohol safe during pregnancy?

No form of alcohol can be recommended during pregnancy. A mixed drink, glass of wine and can of beer contain roughly the same amount of alcohol, and may incur an equal amount of damage to your unborn fetus.

Please visit the website listed in my SOURCE section regarding your comment about WINE DRINKING while pregnant. DO NOT have children until you are aware of the problems this can cause.

Any doctor who ENCOURAGES wine drinking while pregnant should be turned.

EDIT:

Since there is already a stateside celebration and she has clearly stated she would rather not worry, then I think that is a tall tail sign for you not to go Dear... She cares about you and will have enough to worry about!

Answer 2

  Remember this:  you need to worry about your health and your baby's health.  The stress of traveling while pregnant is not good on you and your unborn baby.  Suffering an anxiety attack in a plane by yourself is not a good thing either

You are an amazing sister for planning a wedding in Florida for everyone else that will nto be able to attend.  Use all your energy for that wedding do not risk your health traveling to Cyprus.  Your sister should understand.  Ask them to take alot of pictures and video.

Answer 3

I think you should go.  Have a glass of red wine on the plane and relax.  

Why am I getting thumbed?  Women are allowed to and encouraged to drink wine during pregnancy.  You bunch of nancies.

Answer 4

Go to the wedding.

Flying is very safe for a pregnancy of 15 weeks so put points #1 and #4 out of your mind.

I've had bouts with anxiety myself.  Start now to practise relaxation and calming techniques.  Start the self-talk to tell yourself all will be well, the trip will go fantastic and the wedding will be terrific.  With anxiety, sometimes worrying about it can contribute to bringing it on.

Think of the flight back yourself as an opportunity to write letters, read a book, think about names for the new baby.  Anything that keeps you focused on the positive in your life.

Ask your parents to keep their worries from #3 to themselves.  You don't need them contributing to your concern.  While losing your sister is tragic and certainly affected everyone emotionally, it in no way contributes to the change of something happening to you.

Forget about #6 altogether.  This is a great opportunity for your hubbie to have some alone time with the kids.

This isn't about 'being brave'. Brave is just taking one step at a time to do what you want and need to.  

You will have a wonderful time in Cyprus, and your sister will be so proud that you came to share her day with her.

Answer 5

Ask your doctor about flying if you have concerns.  He/she is the best person to give you medical advice.

I am sorry about your sis...however, this shows life is short...one must enjoy and cherish every moment.

Your hubby is perfectly capable of taking care of the kids for a few days.

Airline staff will be more than happy to assist you with anything you need to help you locate and get to your next flight.

I say, if your doctor signs off on flying...you should go.

Answer 6

I say have someone video the wedding for you.  You do not need to take the chance of doing harm to yourself with the anxiety, or the fact that flying on a airplane for 24 hours, is exhausting too. Your parents have legitimate reasons for there concern for you and your baby.  You stated that you are planning a wedding for them in Florida,  that should be sufficient enough.  Yes, I know that this is your sister, but at the same time.  You have a little baby inside of you that depends on you to take care of .  Count your blessings and don't take a chance Your family has already endured the loss of your other sister and her baby. Your sister will understand,  Between having it videoed and lots of pictures, plus having the one in Florida.  Sister knows that you love her and that you would love to be there, but in the long run she should totally understand.    

Answer 7

I think that it is too much for you to go - too much stress on you, your unborn baby, and your kids.

Have your sister set up a web-cam and you can watch the wedding live-action oline.

It can be done easily and inexpensively and you will get to feel like you are really there.  You can even use text messaging.

Answer 8

You write:  I need to decide by friday

Then you need to call your doctor immediately.  Let the doctor decide if it is okay for you to travel.  Follow his/her advice.  

Your main concern at the moment should be the baby you are carrying.  If the trip will harm the baby, then you should not go.

My personal opinion?  I think you should concentrate on the Florida wedding.  Forget the trip to Cyprus.  Your sister will understand.

Answer 9

There should be no problem with you flying at 15 weeks but talk to your doctor if you are concerned.  So what is the big deal about flying alone.  Woman please.  You get on the plane, you sit down, when it lands you get off the plane.  get your luggage and get a cab or call Hubby to come get you.  

I think that you will regrett it if you do not go.  Stop worrying so much  that will give you more stress than the trip.  Go have a good time and congratulate your sister.

Answer 10

You have a lot on your plate - and probably the least stressful thing is for you not to go.

Everyone will understand that you wish them well but just can't go.

There will be no family drama and you will have no regrets.

Take them out to dinner when they get back and let them show you all their pictures and share all their stories - they will love reliving it all with you!

Answer 11

Issue 1 isn't even an issue really. I don't mean to belittle your concerns, but pregnant women fly all the time. I was on a plane once that long with a recent back injury. All I ended up doing was getting up during the flight and walking around once in a while to stretch. The airline staff are completely used to having pregnant passengers. I've been flying since I was 3 years old and you really have nothing to worry about on your flight.

2. Flying back by yourself- I'm again not trying to make light of your anxieties mentioned later in your post, but I'm not sure how flying solo is an issue either. Again, airline staff are there to give you anything you need and make sure everything is OK. You are not alone, there are lots of other passengers on board to keep you company. Talk to your neighbour on the flight. Sleep. Read.  Watch a movie. Listen to music (bring your own to listen to- some nice mellow relaxing music, or tune into the radio channels they provide). Write. Get up and walk around from time to time. Sleep. I mentioned that already, but it's a good way to kill time.

3. Your sister's passing is an awful tragedy, and I'm sorry for your loss, but it has absolutely no connection to your flight, and your parents are only adding stress to your situation by freaking out. They should keep it to themselves, as someone already said. And you need to reassure them that the two events have nothing to do with each other. It doesn't even matter if they happen to be superstitious- each to their own. But there is no scientific correlation and its' rather insensitive of them to burden you with that stress.

4. See point 3, also insensitive and relating to point 1as well. Flying does not have to be stressful. Traveling does not have to be. Like I said I've been traveling  by plane since I was 3 and several hundreds of times or probably more through foreign countries by train and bicycle and bus and rental car and never suffered even from the odd time that the train connection was tight, or whatever. Stress is created, it doesn't just happen automatically. So you can choose to make your traveling stressful or you can choose to be OK and relaxed about it. There are ways - meditation and other techniques, bring music, self help tapes, whatever you need or fits you best. And again, your father needs to keep his own anxiety to himself. You're a grown woman for Gods sake.  It's your decision, not theirs.

5. As for the anxiety, there are techniques, music, relaxation methods etc, as well as natural forms of relaxation that are not a danger to the fetus. Naturopathic doctors and open minded regular doctors are knowledgeable about these and the contraindications to pregnancy.

Your anti-stress techniques you find and work through before you go, will be really helpful though and you may not even need anything herbal.

6. You have just said that your children's father is completely capable and the children will be in good hands. He will be fine with them and in addition, you will get a well needed break that will come few and far between later on during the pregnancy and after your newest is born. Take advantage! and use it as an opportunity to relax, not add to your anxieties.

Finally, you said you are extremely close to your sister and it would mean the world to her and to you for you to be there. She is only getting married once (probably, lol). You can make choices so that the trip will go well so that you can not have to look back and say 'I should have gone' -

Meanwhile it's very sweet of you to organize the party for her friends in Florida. There is no reason you can't do both!

Blessings on the new baby and have a safe and fun trip!  

Answer 12

it is the most important day of her life you say...

in my opinion - do not risk it.  

Answer 13

Go to her wedding.  After all you said that she is your best friend in the world.  Don't let her down.  I am so sorry that you lost your sister in a car accident when she was pregnant.  That is so sad.  The same thing happened to my cousin.  You will only be 15 weeks pregnant.  That isn't far along at all.  I traveled on a trip when I was four months pregnant and I was fine.  You can travel by plane until six months of pregnancy.  Also, you can travel back by yourself.  You are a big girl.  As far anxiety just relax and take it easy.  Ask your doctor about it.  Your kids will be fine with your husband.  You have to know that they will be in good hands.  I also have a son with autism.  He is severe.  I am going to a wedding across country next month without my husband and kids but I know that they will be in good hands.  I suffer from anxiety too but I want to go to the wedding so I know that I will get through it.  It is nice of your to organize a wedding for your sister.  That is so sweet.  You should talk to your sister and ask her what she thinks you should do.