Should I go with my kids to attend their father's wedding?

Question

My ex husband is getting remarried in November and would like our two daughters(will then be 1 1/2 and almost 3) to be flower girls(don't comment on the ages, it's his and his fiance's wedding, not mine). I want them to be too because they rarely see him because of the custody arrangement and since he lives in Tennessee while we live in Connecticut, it would be good for them.

However, my ex is talking about having his sister fly them Tennessee's(she lives in CT and I know her)when she flies down for the wedding in November. I trust my ex's sister, it's just I've never had them fly without me before. I'd rather fly down with them and then send them to the wedding with their dad. I know my 1 1/2 year old would hate being seperated from me for more then a weekend(they'd be there for two weeks, getting measured for dresses and practicing and stuff like that). I can take time off of work to come and stay in a hotel with them. I wouldn't go to the wedding, their father or his fiance would pick them up from the hotel the day of and I'd drive them to get the dresses fitted and to the rehersals and my husband would drive them back.

Should I go or should I stay? My ex's first ex-wife(this will be his third wedding)is letting their 8 yr. old daughter fly with his sister, but they know each other very well.

Should I stay or go with them?

Answer 1

I wouldnt be letting my babies fly anywhere without me. Period. A one and a half year old needs to be with her Mother, not flying around the country with an aunt she doesnt know well. She wont understand what is going on.  I think you should go.

Answer 2

It sounds like you just want to travel with them - not attend the wedding.  If that is the case - I  see no problem in doing so.  Your children are young and we wouldn't be trying to put a damper on thier wedding day.  I would just have your children's Aunt take them to all of the wedding related activities and you go relax for a little bit with out the kids!!

Answer 3

You should definitely go, they are still babies and need their mother! Obviously both of you have moved on so there is no hate or anything like that so you should go, just to be there for your daughters as they might need you! Weddings are hectic and busy so your kids might feel neglected by everyone!

Do go, I definitely would!

Answer 4

Oh my goodness, they are so young to be away from you for two whole weeks! I would definitely go with them. If you can get the time off and can afford it, it really seems like a no-brainer. Why wouldn't you take them there yourself? It will be a holiday for all three of you!

And there's nothing wrong with being in the same town as the wedding is taking place, even if you're not invited to the wedding. I mean, it'll be obvious why you're there, and if anyone thinks you've gone there just to make a fuss about the wedding, they're idiots.

Answer 5

I would stay with them, since they are pretty young. If you let them go by themselves and they get homesick, your ex could have 2 crying children at his wedding.

Specially, since your kids don't really know the sister. I would just tell them what your plans are, and for his sister not to take things personal.

I think his sister would be relieved that she doesn't have to fly with kids and take care of them for a few days.

Answer 6

Don't go to the wedding, unless you are invited.  But, it's your choice to fly with them.  It all depends on your girls and their personalities.  If you think everything will be fine with his sister flying with them, do that.  Plane tickets are so expensive, it would really be worthless to by a ticket to just fly down there when his sister can be with the girls.  But, if you feel they are too young, then fly with them.  

Really this is a decision only you can make.

Answer 7

You should stay and let them go with their aunt.  They will be fine.

Answer 8

I would travel with them because it is quite a distance and they may not feel comfortable staying in another place very long with out their mother around.

I understand not going to the actual wedding but I think travelling with your children is a good idea.  

Answer 9

If you're not comfortable letting them go without you, by all means go with them - it shouldn't be a problem for anyone.  

Answer 10

I would let them go alone.  I know it would be hard for you..seperation...however its only two weeks and as you said he doesn't get to see them much.  Why not let him have those two weeks with his girls.  Its obviously up to you, they are young but I would let them go.  

GOOD LUCK  

Answer 11

I would make arrangements to go with them. They are very young, and you mentioned that he doesn't see them often. Besides, your ex and his fiance and going to be extremely busy the leading two weeks until the wedding, do they really want to be responsible 24/7 for two young kids while they're making final arrangements? If you're there, they can see the kids when they need/want to. Sounds like your idea will work out better for everyone! If they have a problem with that, I'd tell him to get over it. You're their mom and you're always going to be in the picture :)

Answer 12

if it  was just a weekend they maybe but 2 weeks is a long time. its really how you feel about it. maybe you could use the time alone to pamper yourself. im sure two little kids is a handful. but if you get that feeling in your gut that your not comfortable then go.

Answer 13

if it were me I would go with my kids.. I know it is their dad but dad is going to be a little busy that day to keep a 100% eye on them.. this way if you are in town and the kids are too tired to attend the reception he can have you come pick them up and no harm done..  I could not let my little ones ( especially that age) fly without me.  

Answer 14

Unless you specifically were invited, let them go alone. At least to the ceremony.

k

Answer 15

They are way too young to be without you for two weeks.  Their dad is going to be too busy with the wedding to properly look after them.  They aren't old enough to really understand a wedding anyway.  If you don't mind bringing them there, I guess it would be o.k. for them to be in the wedding, but there's no way I would send them with someone else.

Answer 16

Taylor, in my opinion, I would go with the kids...they are too young to go without you..they don't know the sister that well and really if you are okay with the wedding then you should be invited to attend..I mean won't he and his new wife attend your daughters birthdays, high school graduation...wedding...I mean all 3 of you will be there....I would not let my young children fly without me....you go and don't take no for an answer....even if you are there and don't go to the wedding....

Answer 17

I would not go. That is his wedding day and I am sure that his bride to be wont be very thrilled to have to look at you on her special day. I would not want any of my hubby's ex's coming to our wedding even if they got kids together. And as a ex I would not want to go because I would want to show respect for them and their relationship. My ex is getting married and I would not even think about going. And I sure did not invite him to mine.

Answer 18

You should definitely go with them.  They are too young to be away from you for that long and through all that commotion preparing for a wedding.  You are their mommy and deserve to be with them.

Answer 19

You need to go. I know you trust their dad and his sister, which is great - but your girls know you better than anyone and to be without you that long is not the best choice for them. His other daughter is 8 - that's a huge jump from 1 1/2 and almost 3. They need to have you there because you are the only real constant in their lives.

Answer 20

I would strongly recommend that you talk to your ex and make sure that you'd be allowed to attend.  

In lieu of that, you fly them there yourself and tell your ex that once the ceremony is over he can either call you to gather them up (especially if they're tired) or you can just gather them directly following the ceremony and bring them later to the reception.  

BABIES and toddlers (because that's what they are!) should not be away from their mother for any great length of time.  Besides, after the wedding, THEN what?  Is the aunt going to hop her butt on a plane DIRECTLY after the event?  I think not!

No, you need to be there to care for the kids when the event is over, and if dad wants to see the kids the next day, then by all means allow him to do so.  

But frankly, I believe he's going to be far more wrapped up with post-wedding stuff (i.e., a honeymoon!) than his kids.  

YOU need to be with them or they shouldn't be there at all.