Should I hate my birth mother?

Question

My birth mom and I have a pretty close relationship but she always lies to me. I think that it's because she think that she has to get my approval. she never tells me if she does something illegal. or the real reason why she is in jail. I always have to go to my grandma and ask her about it. But my mom always tells me that she's changing her life around. but she is just saying that so that i wouldn't think that she is suposavly let-ing me down.

I'm only 14 and i feel like I'm the one taking care of her. even though i don't live with her.

so do you think that i should stop being around her or should i just let her keep lieing to me.

SHOULD I HATE MY MOTHER?

Answer 1

No you shouldn't hate her.  How do you know that she's really lying when she says she's trying to change her life versus just she's struggling to make changes?  Don't give up on her... she's your mother.  She may not be the best person in the world but try to learn from her mistakes.  Hating someone just ultimately hurts yourself.

Answer 2

dont speak to her. she has to learn that you won t put up with her. you will be surprised how she fixes herself up when she realises she will loose you!

Answer 3

i dont think you should hate her, but if she wont change things for the better tell her that you are tired of it and you dont want to be around things like tthat, and if she loves you enoufg then she should try to straighten up... good luck!!

Answer 4

no u should not hate her you can dislike the things that she does but it does not mean you hate her she is your mum and you shud love her and be supportive wen she says that she is trying to change have you explained to her how it makes you feel when she lies to you maybe she does not realise the full extent of your hurt

Answer 5

i dont think you want to

would you like to accept in front somebody you love that you had a big big mistake? i would feel that they would judge me and i dont know anybody that likes that

does it matter what she did? i mean she is already in jail and i think the best you can do is letting her know you love her

not an esay situation at all but try to keep yourself high spirit

Answer 6

its never right to hate anyone.

especially your own mother, no matter how bad she may be.

like you said, she doesnt want to be hated by you for being such a terrible mom, and so she feels the need to lie.

maybe next time you get to talk to her, tell her that its okay if she tells you the truth, and that you can handle it.

and i wouldn't cut off connections with her, she needs you, probably more than you need her, and it would hurt her alot if she cant even speak to her own daughter.

Answer 7

dont ever, coz what ever shes evr done, no matter how bad you think she is.. shes your mother, maybe she has reasons for those lies, your 14 and its not a right time yet  for you to know some truth. just continue bing close to her..then somaday youll see theres just the two o you in this world.  

Answer 8

That's a tough situation to be in, I can see it would be hard not to be very angry with your mother.

I think you have to do what is best for you not your mum, she is a grown woman and you are not responsible for the mistakes she makes or the way she lives her life. You are 14 and at an age where you are no longer a child but a young woman who is just starting out in the world, your life is ahead of you and if that includes your mother it's important that you protect yourself from the hurt she is causing.

If you decide to keep seeing her try and distance yourself emotionally from her behaviour, she makes her own decisions and if they end in disaster it's her problem not yours, it is not your responsibility to pick up the pieces for her.

Be strong and do your best to give yourself a good life. Good luck what ever you decide.

Answer 9

well personally I would, but im a naturally angry person, i'll admit that but it doesn't mean you have to hate her, I think that she is your mother but in your case it's all about you i can't relaly say how you should feel :(

Answer 10

No I don't think you should hate her. She is who she is, for better or worse, and by now she may not ever change. Just love her and don't expect to much out of her. Its her job to straighten up her life not yours. You don't need the stress. Just try your best to enjoy your life and the stable people in it.

Answer 11

Hating her is only going to hurt you.  Your mom obviously has some troubles.  Lying is a symptom that something else is going on...besides the fact that she is in jail and has done something wrong to get herself there.  She doesn't sound like the best role model for you and you are at such an influential age.  Perhaps it is best to evaluate if this is a healthy relationship for you.  I wouldn't hate your mom, but feel sorry for her because she has problems.  Just because one gives birth to a child doesn't necessarily mean they are meant to be a parent.  It doesn't sound like your mom is ready to be that parent.

Answer 12

You should never hate anyone.  It is okay to dislike someone which is not the same.  You may not like their ways and thats okay, you dont have to.  I raised my daughter as a single parent and her dad constantly lied to her saying he was going to straighten up and it has been 40 yrs and he still is the same ol person.  Therefore I am glad I was a single positive parent.  My daughter finally told her dad to stay away until he gets his life together and this was her choice.  She told me after the fact and she was 14 when she did this.  He has seen her 3 times in 13 yrs.  She knows he is a liar and drug user and accepts he probably will never change but she has gone on with her life.  She is a RN now.  She didnt want to be a dead beat like him.  So some good did come out of this.  Let your mom know your tired of her lies and too not talk unless she speaks the truth.