Should I have a child, be married before 30?

Question

I was having this discussion with my friend who thinks people should wait until you've established a solid job and a solid mindset before marriage and children come into play

I know people who are married and have kids who arent 30 yet...

I'm 23 almost. I'm not married and don't have kids

and my argument was that I wanted to do both before my parents died because I want them to see their grandchildren and son-in-law...

My parents are getting up there in age and are not the healthiest people :(

....so I feel like time is precious and so is the idea of having my parents see my children being born ya know or seeing me walk down the isle knowing I really am all grown up and ready to be without them ya know?

Deep down I think even if I dont get married and have kids..and they pass away..they'd know i was all grown up, responsible,etc anyway...

What do you think?

Answer 1

i lost my father when i was pregnant with twins he was never able to see them but i believe that he is with them in spirit

you have to do what you feel is best and what you feel in your heart  

Answer 2

Everyone has their own reasons for getting married and having children young, or waiting to be established and more mature before making those big life changing steps.

Personally, I wanted to get married young, and be a young mother - then I thought it would be fun to be a young grandmother!  I married at 22, and had my first child at 24, and the second one at 27.  I am now a young grandmother!!  It all worked out for me the way I hoped it would.  

There isn't a right or wrong on this one.  It's all about personal choice, and whether or not you are ready to be a wife and mother at a young age.

I loved being a mother, and I love being a grandmother even more, (if that's possible!)  I don't regret my choices at all.  

Answer 3

No wait until you 35 to get married and have kids.

Under 35 is to young to get married.

Answer 4

Your talking  my parents, my parents, and me.  

Marriage is a him and you thing.  It should happen out of love and commitment, not just to let another see you do it.

You decide when.  But make sure it's the right reason.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you mean.  I'm not having kids but I did get married last month & with my mom being close to 70 she feels that I'm safe now even though I was before too.

It's totally understandable to want your parents there for major life events but you really can't base life's decisions on that.  In my opinion the ONLY reason to get married & have kids is because that's want you want & that's what you're prepared to handle.  Any ulterior motive (whether bad or good) should not come in to play.

Answer 6

You should marry and have children when you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities and the role of a mature adult. This means you must come to see the fallacy in thinking you should marry and have kids just because it's the right time, or you're at the right age, or because it's expected of  you, or  because you want to make your parents happy. You're having children for your children's sake, not for your parents' sake; not even for your own sake. So if you're not in a situation that will be best for the kids, then don't  have them...  yet. And if you're not ready to settle down with a husband, then don't do it... yet.

By the way: when you're 22, parents can seem really old if they're in their 50s. But statistically speaking, they've got many years left. The older you are, the older your definition of "old" becomes. :-)

Answer 7

I had my daughter when I was 29.  Sometimes, it is better to get things out of the way first before trying to have a family right in the middle.  That way, you will have more quality time for your family.  Way to go for you for waiting till it is your choice and not an "ut-oh".

Answer 8

I think that you should be out of college and in a stable place before you have kids, but other than that if you meet the right person then i see no problem getting married and having kids with them. but you should be in a stable financial situation before having kids. i want to get married and have kids in my early twenties because I want my parents to be able to see them grow up and i want the kids to have their grandparents around for their childhood.

Answer 9

Marry when you find the right man. Don't marry because it's the year to get married.  Children will come when God sends them - there's never a right time, but you don't need money to have a baby - just a few clothes from Goodwill, a drawer lined with a blanket and a sheet for them to sleep in, a dozen cloth nappies, some pins, and some plastic pants. And lots of love.  

Answer 10

Sweetie, you have kids for your own happiness, not your parents.  Do whats best for you and don't worry about your parents.  Should you risk s******g up part of your life trying to make a part of your parents better?  I don't think you should.  Call me sweet thang, I'll buy you a fish sandwich.

Answer 11

i don't think i can give advice but i'll tell you my situation. I'm a little over 30 and i've lost all of my grandparents and father. I've never been married and have no children. My brothers and sisters both younger and older all have kids and all but one have been married. The only time i think about it is when i see pictures of my dad with the kids. It's disappointing knowing i'll never have a picture like that but i don't regret anything. When the time comes for me to get married and have kids, i know everything they taught me will be passed on to my kids so it's comforting knowing that even though they are not there, their teaching is.

Answer 12

whenever you can support it. And have a good marriage.

Answer 13

Its totally okay pop! Go for it! Its totally up to you! What ever you feel is the right thing for you and your future. Don't worry about the solid job or solid education, you can still manage around that at a later time! I know some women, that just had a baby from a man without gettting married at all. They just wanted to have a baby without any marriage involved or serious relationship.  Its must be a woman thing or something, that I may never understand from a man's point of view.  I missed out on my very own grandmother, when I was around age 26, she live to be a 95 yrs old woman! However, I did spend lots of time with my grandmother, when I was a very little boy.  That was unforgetable moments in time! Oh! One thing! Please don't rush into a relationship! Ever! Very bad mistake, when rushing into something as in marriage!  Think twice and think real hard about this situation of yours! I rush into marriage way too fast and now I have my very own consequnces.  But I just make the best of it, even when things are far from perfect.

Answer 14

I think that is a personal decision that you and your boyfriend will have to make together.  I know some 25 year olds that are more mature then 35 year olds.  I understand what you are saying about wanting your parents to be grandparents.  Just keep in mind that you are only in your 20's once and you'll never get this time back.  Do what is right for you, but don't be in a rush.