Should I have anything to do with my "mother" or not?

Question

I'm 13. I have lived with my aunt and uncle since i was 5 because my real mom was into drugs and was abusive. About 2 weeks ago she just showed up at my house (didn't even call) and said she had been clean for a few months and she wants to visit me and be a part of my life but i don't know if i want that. She let horrible things happen to me and thats all i can see in her. I mean, I was happy the way things were

but she is my mother. My parents told me that it's my choice but i just don't know what to do! can anyone help me PLEASE!!

Answer 1

she is your mother.Ultimately,she has realized that she was wasting her life.now she wants to be a part of your life.May be you are the only person who can change her.Give her a chance.good luck

Answer 2

I don't think you should. There's no point in letting someone who has never been a part of your life (except for bad experiences) into it. If you must, discuss it with her, and explain to her how you feel.

Answer 3

oh gosh, that must be really hard. But  i think that you should give her a second chance. She is your mother, and not everyone is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and learns from them!! Maybe you can help  motivate her to stay clean by being in her life, dont turn your back on your mother im sure she loves you and wants to prove to you that she changed and wants you back in her life.

Answer 4

re: I was happy the way things were but she is my mother.

.....what exactly does 'she is my mother' mean?  

How about the woman (& man) who raised and loved you since 5.........isn't she really your 'mother'?  The other so-called 'mother' is just some abusive woman that you had to put up with when you had no way to defend your self!

Your real parents are the ones that loved and raised you - not the ones that mistreated and abandoned you.

I'd treat your bio-mom with respect and dignity but not ever call her 'mom' or let her forget what happened when you were little and defenseless.  

If she has 'cleaned up', there might come a time when she will ask you to forgive her and maybe you will..........when you're ready to.

Answer 5

she messed up bad, but even thought, i think you should give her a chance, but if she was on drugs once then chances are that she will get on them again. just don't get your hopes up on her and make sure she knows how much she hurt you. you should probably have a heart to heart talk. for her to be apart of your life dosn't mean you have to live with her, just spend some time with her. on one hand if you don't let her be apart of your life you could have a pretty normal life even a great one but then not ever haveing your mother there. on the other hand you could let her be apart of your life and things could go greater then you had hoped or they could backfire and you could get hurt. i know its risky letting someone in like that when they haven't been there, but if you were her wouldn't you want another chance?

i hope things work out

Answer 6

Put in mind that whatever happens she is still your mother and nobody can change that. People change and aren't you happy that your mom realized her mistake and trying her very best to make up with your for the lost time? Give her a chance anyway she is not snatching you from your parents all she is asking is a little time to be with her precious daughter.  Is that too much to ask? If God forgives why can't you?

Answer 7

( If for whatever reason, you have no choice to see her )You tell your parents, that you DO NOT want to be alone with her EVER. If she really want to see you, then she can do it in front of your parents for maybe  1 hour, that's it, then you go do something else( go to your friends place, or if your in school, tell her you have homework to attend ) JUST Make sure there is a 3rd person there at all times with you no matter what.( A mature Adult !) By the way children do have rights too !  Don't concern yourself too much about it or lose any sleep over, it not worth it...because you never know if and when she'll have a relapse...you said she been clean for a few months, well it is harder than that for her to stay clean. Let  her keep doing what she needs to do for herself, and you continue doing what you feels right to you. If you fear her, then NO do not see her agian, and tell your parents why. ok?

Answer 8

I cannot make the decision for you, but I can try to guide you in the right direction. People do change. Its difficult, and can work in strange ways but its very possible. If you had ever made a mistake like that, Im sure you would do anything to take it back. There is a chance thats how she feels. If she cares enough about you, she wont hurt you again. If you want to talk to her, invite her over with you, your aunt, and your uncle. Catch up on things, and see how it goes. I am not saying you should feel obliged to accept her, but see how things go. Best of luck.

Answer 9

Everyone makes mistakes. The fact that she is trying to straighten her life out should count for something. I'd try having a relationship with her, but make it clear if she starts doing drugs again or starts to be irresponsible she's not getting another chance. I know that she hasn't been the best mom, but obviously she does care about you NOW and is trying to make up for it. My mom just passed away this year. We fought a lot when I was younger, and she did bad things to me as well, but she was mentally ill and didn't know what she was doing. i didn't realize until I was older that I couldn't hold that against her anymore. My biggest regret is not spending more time with her before she died.

If you do have a relationship with her, guard yourself. Don't get too involved too quickly, because you could get hurt. So be cautious, but still give her a chance.