Should I have come out of the closet today?

Question

Ok so today I met up with some of my girlfriends (My friends who are girls) and we were discussing sexuality. And one was like "Yeah I think I'm a bi-sexual" and then the other one asks me "What about you? Are you bi or g*y or straight? Did you ever question your sexuality?", and me being all scared said "Nah I'm straight...I don't roll that way". Anyway they believed me and then it ended. Anyway I don't think I'm old enough for people to take me seriously and believe me and not just think its a "phase". I'm 14 years old and Ive known I'm g*y ALL my life but many times people ask me if I'm g*y and I always say no. Do you think I should have said yes today or is it too early? I mean I think it's way too early to tell people but then again I'd be so happy to be myself.

There is nothing worse in this world than pretending to be something you are not.

Oh and forgot to say that tomorrow my bi-sexual friend (not the one from today) is throwing a huge party. Maybe if there will be some g*y guy there maybe I could start something. (But I doubt it.) Should I do anything special at the party?

Thanks for your support

:)

Answer 1

Yes.  And yell "Surprise!"

Answer 2

come out when you want to not when others want you to

Answer 3

Ah, the joys of teenage peer pressure -- the group discussions and the point-blank questions that seem to demand an immediate answer.

My dear, you are never under any obligation whatsoever to answer any questions of a personal nature.  Just because someone asks a nosey question does NOT mean you are somehow required by law to answer it.

But although I'm generally in favor of being truthful, I think a situation like yours allows for some lying.  After all, you have to deal with this friends on a daily basis, so it would create tension and malcontent for you to get defensive and tell them to mind their own business.  Therefore, I think you handled this very well -- telling a fib satisfied them and shut them up, so it's "mission accomplished" in my book.  If they find out in the future that you weren't truthful and then have the audacity to get angry, you can calmly tell them that you weren't prepared at that "young age" to discuss the situation, and that you were just as irritated with them back then for them being so nosey and pushy.

Oh, and though I understand what you meant by "living a lie," you're really not doing that.  You're not required in life to tell anyone anything personal about yourself if you don't want to, and you're certainly not compelled to make out in public with another girl to telegraph the information non-verbally.  Just be a good person and act benevolently -- you should aim for people attributing those thing to you rather than something as inconsequential as your romantic and/or sexual interests.  In other words, your friends are your friends, and you're not required to discuss anything raunchy or adult with them -- there are plenty of other things you can talk about.

Answer 4

maybe, but think about it first. the thing on ur age is ur parents. do they know? would be be angry to find out? don't get urself kicked out or anything. i'd tell a really close friend first and go from there. but i guess u should have today. well, anyway, best of luck for when u do. ^_^

Answer 5

You obviously weren't ready to come out, so no, it wasn't the right time.

Tell people when you want to, not when they want you to.

It's your life, not theirs. So live it how you want and not how they want you to.

I sound like some sort of bad advert, but really, it is true. It isn't their life to live and they're not the ones who are going to have to live with the decision.

Answer 6

Not until you feel alright about being out.

It is normal at your age to feel threaten by coming out. You'll know when to make the leap.

Hopefully you'll enjoy the party.

Answer 7

well, you're never going to get this day back now. so yes you should have.  

Answer 8

Be yourself.Don't hide who you are.People are either going to except you for who you are or not.If they are your true friend they will be your friend no matter what your sexuality is.I am 26 and been with my g/f for almost 5 years.People still say it's a phase.I tell them I am who I am.It is no fun to pretend to be someone your not.When you come out it may not be a piece of cake but hang in there.Everything will be fine. If you are ready tell them.Not saying you have to shout it off the roof top.Good Luck!

Answer 9

I think you should have told them, but only if you were comfortable with it. Maybe at another point :]

Answer 10

Awww.  If you had supportive friends who were being open, yes, you should have taken the chance.  But it's not too late; you are young.  Just be ready so that when someone says something like that you can say, "Yes, I sometimes think that I am bi," or something like that, to get your foot in the door so to speak.

When you realize that they don't mock you or beat you up you will feel much better and much more free of a human being.  And it gets easier.

EDIT:

P.S.  You could pick up the phone right now and call the girl who said that and say, "You know, I've been thinking about what you said today, and I think that was very brave of you.  I also think that I might be bisexual too".  That would be a tremendous boost to her self-esteem, recognition of her bravery, and liberating for you.

Answer 11

You said: "...I'd be so happy to be myself."

Then do it! If you are ready for anything people will throw your way, then you should definitely stop pretending to be what you think people want you to be and start being yourself.  

Answer 12

what john K said is on point.

That's pretty personal and not everyone is safe giving an answer.

That day is gone so leave it be...

Your right , there is nothing worse in this world that pretending to be something you are not, however,

Lao Tzu ( author of the Tao Te Ching)  said:

"be  where you can be genuine"

does HS seems like the kind of place where a g*y male can be honest, authentic, open about himself?  Esp. if he doesnt want to spend all day defending himself and doubting himself?  Basically, you need to be in a place where you can freely be yourself and feel safe.

I give this advice, unless you have actually had a personal relationship with another male, dont plow the straight cover just yet. Of course it may be a phase or curiosity. Of course it could be REAL.

Answer 13

I think you answered correctly, those girls were setting you up in a trap. They are probably not really bi or g*y, they just said that to make you feel like everybody is being honest you might as well be.

Trust me, never come out to people until you are well into your career. There are people that on purpose will try to derail your life. Just keep your private thoughts to yourself. There is no need to broadcast to everybody anything