Question:

Should I have compassion for my child's father after he has continuously lied to me?

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SO. I have a situation to explain, but it's rather complicated. So I'll make it as short and sweet as possible. =)

I have a 4 month old baby boy. And his father isn't exactly around and as supportive as he should be. First of all, when I first found out I was pregnant I called him and he immediately denied that it was his. I didn't see him or hear from him throughout my entire pregnancy. My son was born on May 5th, and was a spitting image of his dad! I called him and told him and even offered the idea of taking a DNA test to PROVE to him that he was his. He never answered his phone, and never called me back. I ended up going to his mom's house (thinking he still lived there) and left notes in the door telling him to call me. THEN, he changes his phone number on me! This all happened in the first two months of my baby's life. Then I had to beg him to take the DNA test. He thought of every excuse in the book not to, and then he agreed that he would only if I paid for it. So, 600 dollars later, we get the results back and surprise surprsie, he's the father! Ugh. that's not even HALF of what I've dealt with with this guy. And I still haven't even seen half of the cost for the dna test that he said he would help me pay for if the results were positive. So after 3 months of bullshit and chasing him around trying to pound into his head that this is his child and he's going to miss out on an awesome thing, he finally started coming around to see him, occassionally. I'm still the one raising him and doing everything by myself. And the only things he has given me is two packs of diapers and a total of $90.00. He obviously thinks that 20 bucks here and there is going to cut it. So for the past month I've been debating whether or not I should file for child support. He has asked me not to and to "give him the chance to help me" without going to court. WELL, I've given him lots of chances! He even told me that he was breaking up with his current g/f and that he wanted me and the baby to move in with him! Then he runs off to Europe for two weeks on a "business trip" and then comes back to tell me they got engaged! And then I found out the other day that they really aren't engaged!! Oh, and he also told me that he was doing personal fitness training for work, only to find out yesterday at my Child support appt. that he works at a factory..... yeah. OH and one more thing =)

One weekend I called him to see if he wanted to come over and spend some time with the baby, he told me he was in AL at his dad's funeral. He told me his FATHER died. Then I felt bad for bothering him and told him to call me when everything was better.... then I find out a few weeks later that his mom knew nothing about it!! So his dad hadn't even died!! I know I'm rambling, but I'm trying to give everyone a good idea about what he's all about. So we took the baby out over the weekend and he's begging me not to go to court and this and that. That I need to give him the chance to help me on his own. And he starts saying that he wants things to work out, that him and his g/f "aren't going to last long...." I don't even want to be with him, the only reason I would even consider dating him again is for my son. Just seeing the real him in this whole situation has totally turned me off to him. Well I had my CS appt. yesterday and I got everything ready to go. I even have the chance to get retroactive child support which means he will have to pay me for the past 4 months that he hasn't helped with either. I feel bad.... I'm debating in my mind whether I should give him the chance or not?? I've seen what he's all about and that's lies and weaseling his way out of things... I went through my entire pregnancy by myself and so far throughout the first 4 months of our son's life. And now I'm working full time, trying to go back to school, and raising our son as a single mother while he goes on living his normal life partying it up and all the while giving me excuses and pushing things off constantly. I deserve financial help from him. His son deserves support from him. I have a couple of months before we actually go to court for it, but I don't know what to do! I don't want him to get pissed if I go through with it and then have bitter feelings toward me which could cause him to not even want to come around and see Landon. Any suggestions???

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  1. You could be kind (although i think personnaly you have been very kind up to now), give him an ultimatum, tell him he has 6 weeks to arrange a regular payment plan with you for your son, if its not sorted by then you will be going to CSA.  Hes always going to fob you off but if you tell him straight and firmly that you arnt taking no more **** from him and he has six weeks and thats it then he might shift his *** in to gear.

    If he doesnt do it then go immediatly to the CSA


  2. Seriously F that guy!! Get the child support!. You're a single mother and you need help. You deserve a guy that is going to love you and  your child and it doesnt sound like hes that guy. If you ever find that guy he can adopt your son and then this sperm donor wont have to pay child support anymore.

  3. Oh, boy... Why did you have a kid with him? Why are you even *considering* dating this loser, if you supposedly don't want to be with him? Sorry, but you don't date a loser, 'for' your son, as you put it. Your son doesn't need his mom (and himself) constantly going through the ringer... Stop wasting time, chasing this guy around; you're losing precious time with your son! File for child support: who cares if he has 'bitter feelings' toward you? He'll either do the right thing, or he won't, but you can't walk on eggshells, and not get support for your son, cause he may not come around... If that's how he is (and it is, from what you've written), then neither one of you need him! Is child support more important than your sons' emotional well-being? You've been doing it, by yourself, so far; you can continue to do so... I'm not saying don't get child support; I'm saying don't care what he thinks: he's not caring about you or his baby; he's concerned only with himself... He's had chances... Give him no more. And, please be smart, and DON'T get back with him! That is not learning your lesson; that's giving him free reign to do it all, again, AND, you'll be teaching your son that it's okay to treat the mother of your child, and your own kid, like c**p.

  4. He is a perpetual liar. Do not let him coerce you into not going through the court. Collect the back child support as well as the new checks that should come in. He is not worth your time unless he wants to spend time with the child. If he decides not to see your child because he has to pay child support, then your son is better off without him.

    Do what is best for your son, and that means child support through the courts.  

  5. Let him get pissed! Do what you need to do for your child. He has a responsibility to pay for the child! He has had enough chances!! Trust me if you don't stand up for yourself and make him pay nothing is going to change. He is just trying to get out of it.

  6. Suggestions?  Yeah I have two.

    1.  Don't contact him ANYMORE.  The guy is a slimy loser who gives you the slip every time you try to be there to get him to see his son.  This guy is a DEADBEAT who thinks that $20 here and there will make you be quiet and dissapear, until you threaten him with court.

    2.  GO to court.  SUE his *** and make the world where you live, know what a piece of trash he is.  Get full custody and his money (THE MAXIMUM!).  The guy is a loser and his son deserves his support financially.  

  7. First, and foremost, you deserve to have financial assistance in raising your son.  Go for the child support, including the retroactive.  

    Second, you are trying to control another person's actions by shortchanging yourself and your baby of needed finances. He's been able to not pay child support now for months, and has shown no interest. He's stringing you along.  

    Third, this guy has lied, cheated and even used his own father against you.  Is this the kind of example you want your child to be exposed to? Yeah, I know... he's the father.  But biology doesn't make a parent.  Find other, more stable, more responsible male role models for your son.  

    Fourth, quit selling yourself short as a single parent.  Your son will do fine without his father's attention if you put in the time and energy to raise him and find him role models he can really use.

  8. Same story, different people.  My son's father begged me for the same thing.  Promised he'd pay $400 a month if I didn't take him to CS.  Yeah, never saw a dime. I ended up taking him to court, and now he's in arrears for over $6000 - even after he's ordered by the court to pay monthly, he hasn't paid a dime.  We go back to court this month.

    My son is 10 months old.  He hasn't seen him since May 15th.

    I say you can't trust him, you should take him to court and get everything done thru them.  You will be better off in the long run.

    And you should have taken him for support before you got the DNA test.  Then they would have paid for it and when he turned out to be the dad, he would have been responsible for paying CS back.

  9. You've already given him several chances.... step up and don't back down.  He's just saying what he thinks you want to hear right now... just to get you to be quiet.  He won't keep up with his end of the bargain and you'll be back to square one.  Take him to court and get your financial help you need, he is the father as you guys have already proved... make him help.

  10. Take him to court! You have given him plenty of time and chances to help you out. He is obviously a sociopath and does not give a d**n about his son. Don't worry about sparing his feelings or making things easier on him. He sure hasn't made things easier for you. If he decides he doesn't want to see Landon after you take him to court, that's his problem and he is the one missing out because frankly, I don't think that Landon will be missing out on much with a father like that. I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. He sounds like a real jerk. I'd say just go through with it and if he decides not to be in Landon's life, it's probably better that way because he obviously isn't a good dad. And then at least you will be getting support from him. Good luck. You and your son deserve better than this.

  11. Wow... I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this.  If it were me, I definitely would not consider dating him again for any reason.  He has showed you his true colors, and it does not seem that he can be trusted.  If you want to give him the chance to help you out financially before going to court for child support, you need to make it very clear to him how much you want and when you want it.  If he abides by it, great.  If not, you'll feel justified going to court in a couple of months.  I wish you the very best of luck, for your sake and your sons.  

  12. He sounds incredibly immature, selfish, and irresponsible. You don't need someone like that in your life! If you really think you want to be with him, tell him the things that need to change, and let him prove (and I'd say this would take at least a couple of years) that he feels that you and Landon are worth it to him.

    In terms of his relationship with Landon, I would accept nothing less than: no lies, consistently paying child support (without complaining about it), consistently scheduling and showing up for visits with his child and taking an active role and interest. If he can't do these things consistently (and I really don't think he can) and you keep him around, you are setting your child up for a life of disappointment, feelings of rejection, trust issues and all kinds of other issues. I'm not suggesting it is best for him not to have a relationship with his father at all, but you need to take your own feelings out of the situation and make your plans for their relationship based on what is best for him.

    In terms of you getting back together with him. It's your choice, but I can guarantee you he is going to hurt you over and over again until you get tired enough of the whole thing to kick him out. By that time, you may have two or three more children by him, who you WILL BE raising ALONE. Definitely go forward with the CS. Any father worth anything wants to help financially. If it makes him mad, that should tell you a lot.

    Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? I don't mean this to sound harsh to you at all. I do sympathize with your situation, but I think you must have incredibly low self-esteem if you are willing to even consider giving him another chance to treat you so badly. Plus, the longer you occupy your thoughts with him, the more chance you have of missing that really perfect guy for you when he walks through your life.

    I wish you all the best and really hope things work out for you.

  13. You need to think about the welfare of your baby. File for child support. DO NOT give him any more chances as he is obviously trying to not pay you the money that is needed to raise your baby. If he didn't sign anything to say he would help pay for the DNA test then you can't get any money for that as it is your word against his. But file for child support don't make your baby suffer for his immature child ways. They can garnish his wages if he doesn't pay what is ordered by the law courts. Good Luck.  

  14. I love the name Landon! Good choice! Totally do the child support. Do it for your son if not yourself! This guy is a slime bag! I know you love him because he is your child's father, well maybe not, but still I know it can be hard, but do it, you deserve it! And if you don't do it, you are letting him get away with it!

  15. Are you serious? This guy is psychotic.. I wouldn't want him anywhere near my baby!! Forget him.. forget his measly 90 bucks.. Your baby will be fine with just YOU!

  16. No way!!! do not feel bad. He has lied to you so many times and he will continue on doing so. You have given him many chances, why would you give him anymore?. Don't worry about pissing him off, he done that to you many times and did he think twice about not hurting your feelings or your sons? No of course not, he is thinking you wont pursue it and will manipulate you. You need to stand your ground, take care of you and your son, don't worry about his feelings, he hasn't been there for his son anyway. When he matures and realizes he needs to be there for his son, he'll come around. What does his mother think? Does she see the baby?. If that was my son, I would kick him square in the a##!!

    If I were you, I'd forget about this looser and find someone who loves you and your son.

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