Should I have concerns about a child that was adopted once and the adopting parents disrupted the placement?

Question

Several of the kids that are up for adoption in Ohio were already placed with families and those families chose to disrupt the adoption and put the child back into the system. Should I have reservations about these kids?

Answer 1

Reservations?  Sounds like you may have unrealistic expectations!  Older kids are in foster care for a reason, and it's not pretty!  Abandonment, sexual abuse, deprivation, physical abuse, medical neglect, emotional abuse, homelessness, parental mental illness, parental drug addiction and alcoholism,  living pilar to post, etc.

Therefore, they have a full plate.  And must somehow deal with all of this at the same time they are being separated from their home, their family, their bed, their friends, their neighborhood, their school, their grandparents, their toys -- everything in the world that is familiar, albeit not ideal.

So then, after all the years of trauma and now separation, they are plunged into what is likely a stable and caring environment.  And adoptive home and family.  They try their best to deal with their grief but at the same time take in the new life they have been handed.  But the years have taken their toll -- some find it hard to be loved any other way than they have known, other are so afraid they will be rejected that they reject first, others are so hurt that they just can't attach to their new family.  Others, with help, are able to put down  roots and begin to grow, love and be loved.  

Some adoptive parents wanted this child to be problem free -- for their sake.  They didn't expect to have to go to therapy, have the patience of job, and devote more time to this child thatn their others, at least for while. Some parents wanted a child to be dropped off at their door, slip in the house, join the family and not miss a beat.  They had unrealistic expectations of the child.  Expectations that were in some cases never going to be met.  An uphill battle for this already injured child.

So, some children are pulled from their new family, their new home, and returned to the foster care system once again.  All the losses in their life are cumulative.  They build and take their toll.

Should you have reservations about these kids?  You should have realsitc expectations, lots of energy and time to willingly devote to them, the patience of Job, and committment to provide them with any kind of support and love they need to become whole again.  The reservations should be about your ability to provide for this child.

Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all I don't understand why you will need someone to tell that you should have concern about those Kids or not

are you working in the system are you one of the adoptee parent that happen too

what ever the answer is society (all of us ) should have a problem with the situation but before you judge you should find out why did those children were put back into the system, nothing is as ever clear cut as it sound

Answer 3

Are these infants or older children?  You should talk to the  adoption agencies themselves. Every state has their own laws in regards to adoptions. And then there are state agencies and Catholic agencies and other Christian agencies which have their own rules and policies.

Was it the birthparents or the adoptive parents that placed the children back into adoption? There seems to be details that you need to find out for yourself. We can't help you here.  Good luck!

Remember, no children, no matter what age, comes with no guarantee. Even your own. Infants may have an illness that hasn't been diagnosed yet. An older child that has been in foster home(s) have established relationships with other adults and may have emotional difficulties with the adoption process. They all need true, pure love, understanding and patience to thrive and strive.

Answer 4

It depends on the situation, so you need to talk to the social worker and find out more information about why the adoption was disrupted, and if your family would provide a better environment for the child to thrive in.

Also the number and ages of children already in your home may have an impact on your decision (will you have the time to care for any special needs/ issues this child may have, or would you be putting your other children at risk in anyway?)

  Some adoptions disrupt/dissolve because of problems with the family (divorce, parental mental or health issue), sometimes the child is found to have medical, emotional or psychological needs that the family is unable to deal with or provide for, and sometimes the adopted child my be a physical threat to other children in the family. Also some families are not prepared before hand for the risk of attachment disorders resulting from loss, abuse, neglect or being institutionalized, and never get the child the counseling and help that they need, and mistakenly deem the child as "difficult".

Make sure to find out all the details first, research any issues, and make sure that you are able to meet the need of this child. Form an informed decision if you are the right parents for him/her. Making a rash decision to bring this child into your home only to have another adoption fail will only cause more pain and damage to an already fragile child.

Answer 5

Yes I would have some reservations about these children. It is said that children form their identifies in the first five years so these kids could be great kids but also they could be upset and angry because their families chose to abandon them again. So you might be in for some rocky times with them.

Answer 6

There are so many things that could go into a disruption.  It could be a problem with the parents expectations, and the child might not have very big issues.  Or it could be that parents very prepared and willing to parent a child with special issues still couldn't handle the severity of the child's issues.  This situation shouldn't be jumped into.  You would have to prepare yourself very thoroughly to parent a child with emotional baggage, possibly severy attachment issues.  A responsible case manager for the child you are thinking about adopting should thoroughly discuss what you are dealing with and really work to make sure the child will do well in your family.  This child does not need the same thing to happen again in his or her life.

Answer 7

The children will have a difficult time trusting again, but at the same time...they deserve a real family with a real life and love.

Answer 8

I definitely would have concerns about it.  Before proceeding with a placement with you should ask the social worker some serious questions about attachment issues, behavioral issues, past abuse/neglect, etc.  If it were me, I'd also ask point blank why the disruption occurred and see if I could see any documentation (by social workers, health professionals, mental health specialists, school employees, etc.) that they have.  I might also ask if I could contact the parents who disrupted to ask them questions.

It could be something as benign as a personality conflict between the child & new parents or child & existing children in the home.  It could be something as serious as the disrupting parents waking up to see the child standing over their bed with a knife ready to strike....or anywhere in between.

One thing to consider, even if it wasn't disrupted for attachment or behavior issues is that the child will have bigger issues with attachment and bonding because of the disruption.  Consider this, on the less traumatic side of things, the child was removed from their birth family's home (abuse, neglect, death of the parents, whatever), which causes a disruption in the trust building process, attachment and feelings of security.  Then (again on the less traumatic side) let's assume that the child was immediately placed in the family that ultimately disrupted.  This would cause the same disruption in trust, security and attachment.  It's likely, though, that the child went through three or more placements between the birth family & the family who disrupted, compounding these issues.

If you do proceed with an adoption of a child whose adoption or placement was disrupted, you'll need strong support system of people who understand these issues and won't make you feel like a horrible parent when/if issues arise.  You need to do as much reading as possible on attachment and bonding as well as grief and loss issues.  You also need to have names of qualified attachment/adoption counselors and/or pshychologists/psychiatrists.  You should also go into it with a ton of prayer & knowing that this is God's will for your life.  If there aren't qualified counselors in your immediate vicinity, this will likely be an extra risky endeavor.  You could be putting your marriage and any existing children in the home at risk.

There's my 40 cents' worth...I think the length makes it more than 2 cents.  LOL.

God bless & let me know what you decide & how things go.

SG

Answer 9

No, I think you should judge for yourself

Answer 10

Probably more realistic to have reservations about the families!  try to find out why the kids were put back into the system..maybe it was a problem with the family and not the kids??

Children are not objects..it is sad they are being adopted..unless of course their natural parents are no longer around or are a risk to the child.  They should not be treated as 'return to sender'.

If you are wanting to adopt you should have the right to ask the history...if you can't get honest information then I would think seriously about the agency you are going through.

Good luck

Answer 11

Not every child and family is going to work out well with adoption, and sadly there are times when adoptive parents know their limitations and find they can not parent an adopted child.  This happens.

Psychologically kids will test the boundaries and borders, in every situation, to find if they are solid.  It is the reason why your children will be good for the teacher all day at school then act up as soon as they get home--yet you hear from the teacher that they are never a behavior issue in class.  Because they KNOW that mom and dad will love them no matter how misbehaved they may be, though still knowing there are boundaries.  Children look for those boundaries even in the midst of a melt down.  

As long as you plan to stay with this child (ren) for the long haul, ever and ever no matter what, never give up on them. then I believe you do have those boundaries they may count on. Best of wishes....adoption was one of the most interesting adventures we have yet to take.  Our bio boys adore our adopted daughter & we can't imagine what life was like without her--certainly more quiet I believe.  :)

Answer 12

If you love children, and YOU don't plan to disrupt another process with one of these children, then...

You should have concerns, but rather with the emotional well-being of the child. How would you feel if you hopes were truly up about something - finally having a family - only to have the rug pulled from under you. I mean these children not only have the process stopped, but are moved from familiar settings, people and places they know to somewhere else - only to have more promises made. As a side note, I think if people just disrupt the process for no good reason, then they should be panned from the adoption process in the future.

Anyway, go ahead and move forward with one of these children. Make sure child services has counceling in place  or both the chil and you. With help and a good foundation and network, I'm sure you and your family will be able to provide the loving, stable home these type of children NEED AND WANT!

Peachy Pooh!