Should I have given him more money?

Question

My ex-husband has a OK steady job. He is between middle class and working class. But he said he had a big bill to pay and could not pay it and was in financial need and asked for some money (not a loan). I'm by no means rich, but my job provides me with more.

We don't have an adversial relationship.

I politely asked him what his crisis was a few times on separate phone calls but he won't tell he me what he needs it for. I respect his right to his privacy, but I'm offended because everytime I ask him how much he needs, he asks me how much I have! He said maybe you can help with a few thousand, then I said I'll see what I can do. But he keeps increasing the amount. Then a week after he first asked him, he told me he was thinking of going to France. I got angry because how can he afford to go to France if he is in financial need? Does he really need money or is he trying to use me? And I only gave him $100 because I promised to give him something. He got mad and started saying how I lied to him, was selfish with my money, and was leaving him to suffer and that he hopes that I go through the same situation.

Answer 1

You earn your own money and don't need to feel guilty by your ex-husband to give him money. And instead of giving him money to go to France you should be using that money for a vaction for yourself. He sounds like he is using you. Don't let him make you feel guilty and don't give him any more money, especially if you don't know what he's using it for!!

Answer 2

He is bullying you and you are allowing it to happen.  Stop giving him money.  He is not your responsibility.  

You sound like a caring and good person.  You should help those in need.  If you want to do that, give the same amount of money you were planning on giving him to a project to bring potable water to kids in Africa who are dying of water-borne disease or something like that.

He is using you and treating you with abuse.  He is manipulating you. You love/d him and you want to see the best in him because you are a good person, but if he was an honest person, you'd know why he needed the money.  It sounds like a drug/ gambling habit.  Maybe p**n... definately something he can't admit to and knows he doesn't deserve your money for so he turns to bullying you.

'nuf said.  cut him off.  YOU deserve better than that.

Answer 3

I'm confused why are you giving your ex-husband any money at all???

You are divorced he isn't your problem anymore tell him NO!

Answer 4

don't give him a thing

Answer 5

Oh yeah, he is suffering alright with those horrible trips to France. It sounds like you need to lose this loser.  

Answer 6

he is USING you ! cut him off.

Answer 7

This sounds like one for dear abby== try and get the hundred back==you know in all honesty, send this one to judge judy and try and get the hundred back===flyy mee too the moooon, let mee plaaaay among the starrrs= let meee seee what spring is like on a jupittter and marrrs====all this story needs is music==

Answer 8

Mom is that you?!

Wow, you sound just like my mom, she kept giving my drug addict brother money.

Started out small and kept growing, co-signed for a truck which got repossed, gave him a $15,000 dollar boat, he sold that, gave him a lake house, which he burned to the ground to try and get the insurance money.

The only crisis that is there is someone who cannot manage money. It is not your problem. Remember, you are no longer married to him and have no obligation to support him. Don't even let him play the guilt trip game with you.

Take a stand, tell him to get a set of balls and go get another job if he is in need of money. The handouts have ended!

Or if you want to be nice about it point him in the direction to the nearest YMCA.

So the short answer is, He's playing you.

Sounds harsh? Not even close.

Answer 9

He is using you. I would never give money to anyone that would not tell me what they needed it for. It is your money and you are not obligated to give it to anyone. He does not have a right to privacy when it comes to your money, only his own.

Answer 10

Any time one is asked for money, you have the right to ask what for.

Your right!!!  Why pay for a trip for him to fricking France?

Let him carry on like a lunitic!  Your right to have not made it more

Answer 11

well can i have some money i don't want to go to france i just want to go to disney world oops i mean pay a bill when you tell me how much money you have i will let you know how much money i will need.... OMFG! I cant believe you gave him $100 are you crazy i think you still want him.  If he needs money he needs to get up and find a second third and fourth job, if he wants to spend your money he should have stayed with you..I wish my ex would call and ask for money he could be sitting in the dark with his dog on an oxygen machine and i wouldn't help pay his light bill, better yet he could be on fire and i wouldn't give him $2.00 to buy a bottle of water to put himself out.  you were dumb to give him that money and you will be stupid if you gave him anymore

But we all know you will give him more money and deep down I think you know you will also