Should I have just put her shoes on for her and gave in?

Question

My kids and I were gearing up to leave. My three year old started throwing a tantrum and shaking her feet at me because she wanted me to put her shoes on. I usually tell her to do it a few times and then cave and do it so I can go. This time I didn't cave I told her to put her shoes on and when she didn't I brought the stroller back in and took my shoes off. I told her until she put her shoes on we wouldn't be leaving. Now, I am feeling kind of guilty. I think I should of just caved and put her shoes on like I always do even though I know she can and has done it hundreds of times before. What would you of done? Hung tough and not of given into her tantrum or just given in and be on your merry way?

Answer 1

No you did the right thing, I am proud of you. Most mothers would have gave in. She needs to know that you are the boss and what you say goes. I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old and the 3 year old does that to me some times and I do what you did. You have to stand your ground. You Go Girl GOOD LUCK !

Answer 2

I would not have caved in.  That just teaches her she will get what she wants if she throws a fit long enough.  I LOVE that you took your shoes off too!!  I might use that!!  Good job!!!

Answer 3

you cant give in, that is exactly why your daughter is throwing a fit and not doing as you ask. I know its really hard.. I have twins and i have really had to decide what i will be firm on, pick my battles. When it comes to something a simple as putting on her shoes, she can do that. Do not feel bad she needs to learn that when you tell her to do something she needs to listen, that is why you are the parent. Just remember the only way this will work is if you are firm everytime, if she sees you firm, then give in, firm, then give in, it will confuse her and teach her she does not need to take you serious that she can push you enough and get her way and then she is in control. That is a disaster waiting to happen.

Dont feel bad.. you did nothing wrong :)

Answer 4

Why are you still dealing with tantrums?  This should have been dealt with the first time she threw one.  You need to have more backbone, or you will be in real trouble when she is older.  You did the right thing.  Stand your ground, and tell her in no uncertain terms that you will no longer tolerate this behaviour, and she is expected to listen to you, and do as she is told, or there will be serious consequences.  

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You do not say how old your other children are, but I have a friend with 3 children also.  What they do in their house is enforce team work.  On Fridays they have a family night.  They do things ranging from getting a bit of money and going to the dollar store, to visiting the water park.  If anybody misses out on what they are supposed to be doing, nobody goes out on Family night.  In that household for example, if it gets to 825, and one of the kids isn't in the PJ's, with the teeth brushed, the other two are changing them, and dragging them to the bathroom, to make sure curfew is not missed. Homework is done, because the fun night is coming up.  etc, etc.  Everybody helps everybody else, nobody wants to miss out the fun night out.  

Answer 5

You've taught your daughter that you will cave in, and now that you're trying to not cave, it's important that you NEVER cave again. My son sometimes does that, and I never argue with him, I start doing something else, and I say, "we can leave as soon as you get your shoes on." If he never gets his shoes on, you never leave.

Or, you can make it a game. Three yr olds are stubborn. Ask her if she'd like you to put on her shoes for her. If she says, yes, then do it wrong. Put them on her hands, or put them on backwards, or pretend you can't figure out how it goes. This age loves to be a know-it-all, and ask her for help. I used to do something "wrong" then ask my son for help, and he'd show me the right way to do it, and then I'd say "Oh yeah!! I forgot!! That's silly of me." And then he'd laugh and we'd be on our way.