Should I have to lock up all alcoholic beverages when a suspected alcoholic is a dinner guest?

Question

My brother-in-law is a pretty nice guy. He's divorced, and he lives in a big city about 900 miles from us. He's good about keeping in touch, and he visits us twice a year - often staying for 1-2 weeks. He is always a very polite, compliant guest.

We suspect that he might be an alcoholic, because we know for sure that two of his friends are hard, brain-fried alcoholics. We know that he drinks beer and wine, because sometimes when he calls it's obvious on his voice.

He happily eats whatever I put on the table, and we usually offer him water, milk, or juice, to drink with his dinner. Occasionally we offer a lite beer, but it makes my husband nervous. Last night (Saturday) I wanted a glass of wine with my dinner, and my husband shook his head and asked me to choose something else, because he didn't want to "tempt or enable" his brother.

Are we really enabling and tempting my brother-in-law if we serve wine once within two weeks?

Answer 1

If he were really an alcoholic, then it would become apparent when he visits for 1-2 weeks.  He'd need to get alcohol SOMEWHERE for that length of time!  And, he wouldn't be content with just ONE lite beer....  If he's just coming for dinner, then you can probably restrain yourself from drinking when he's there, though.

Answer 2

If you are not sure that his brother is indeed an alcoholic, and if he is and isnt seeking help then I dont see why you cant serve wine once in awhile. Maybe he just likes to drink a lot and isnt neccesarily an alcoholic.

I guess there is no better way to find out, then to see if he goes over the limit with your wine or something.

I dont think you should lock it up. To me that would be something you would do to a child.

Answer 3

No. Your husband is not his brother's keeper.

Answer 4

This is a question that you should discuss with your brother-in-law.

If he is an alcoholic or has problems, then he will need real help, perhaps professional help, and real support from his family (you), not sneaking around behind his back hiding booze and not talking to him about it.

It might be the case that he acknowledges his problem and would prefer to not have alcohol present when visiting you.  Then, it would be nice if you to keep it from him and not serve or consume it while he's over.  Or, he could admit that he has a problem, but be OK with it being around him, if he feels strong enough to avoid temptation.  On the other hand, he might not realize or admit that he has a problem.  Or, he might not actually have a problem at all.

In any case, you should talk about this with him.  Good luck!

Answer 5

i agree with your husband

Answer 6

As someone who has a brother who is an alcoholic, yes you are enabling/tempting him.  If someone were on a diet would you have a huge piece of 5-layer chocolate cake with all the fixin's and eat it in front of them?  Or would you respect them and not have it in front of them?  It sounds like a silly stupid example but it is the same.

After discovering that my brother is an alcoholic, we have NO alcohol at ANY family function.  We had a picnic a few weeks ago and I flat out said if anyone brings it, the picnic will end for everyone right then and there.  Luckily, everyone respected my wishes.

Answer 7

If he knows he has a problem and is dealing with it, then serving wine might make him feel uncomfortable.  If he knows, and is not dealing with it, he'll get his own booze or bring it with him.  You are not enabling him.  That would mean picking him up from the police station if he were to be arrested for something associated with his drinking, instead of allowing him to face his own problems.  Your husband should talk to his brother if you all are really concerned to the point of not wanting to drink in front of him.  It's not helpful to ignore the problem.  Your husband could attend some AlAnon meetings to get some ideas.

Answer 8

Ask him about it.

& I would lock it up, if you're suspicious.

I mean, its not like your brother is going to notice if the alcohol is missing, since he doesnt drink your alcohol. :)

But its better safe than sorry.

If you're really worried, then I would check up on him every now and then. Just don't let him know you're spying on him, if you're really worried.

answer mine please

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 9

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Yes, I would say keep it out of sight. Maybe he enjoys staying clean, for a change, and figures he could do this with your family. Just be a good example. You can always have a glass of wine in your room with your husband while watching tv, or just visiting about how things have been going lately, of course after the kids have gone to sleep.

Out of sight, out of mind :)

Answer 10

You're in a really difficult position.  First of all, because it's your husband's brother, you don't want to undermine your husband's concerns.  But, since you live 900 miles away and don't see him often, you don't actually know for yourselves what he's like or exactly what he's doing.  Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with letting him have a glass of wine or a beer if he's not overindulging and his behavior isn't out of control.  If he is an alcoholic, then obviously being at your house is not a trigger for him.  But, like I said, he's your husband's brother.  

You and your husband should talk about what's going on.  If your husband is really that worried, then does his brother need an intervention?  Or is he just worried that his brother could potentially have a problem?  Ultimately, it's up to the two of you to decide what you want to do, but you really need to talk with your brother-in-law about what's going on.  It's not fair to him for you to "protect" him if he doesn't have a problem, and if he does have a problem, then he needs professional help, and simply locking up the liquor for 2 weeks isn't a long-term solution.