Should I hold my 6 year old adhd son back in kindergarten ?

Question

My son has trouble in reading, writing, counting . But he still does o.k. to me. Every paper his teacher sends home says unsatisfactory, I don't think missing 8 questions out of 33 is so bad, but I am his mom and I love him so I could be blinded by love. His dads against holding him back but he's leaving it up to me. I just hate to send him and he be 7 years old in kindergarten. Iam also afraid of the emotional damage it could cause . He is really sensitive and emotional.

Answer 1

Here's a question to consider..  if you hold a child back, what is the school going to do different next time to help him?

Not a thing.

If the child can not do the work now, why would he be able to do it next time?

Remember it is YOUR decision, the school can not MAKE him be held back.

Answer 2

first of all, let me say, my 3 kids are also ADHD, and the younger two are autistic.  so i know what you are going through.  

Having said that, i will tell you i was held back in the 3rd grade and though it was the end of the world to me at the time, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me education wise.  Repeating 3rd grade helped me become a stronger student.  I was top of my class in 5th grade.  I went on to honors classes in middle and high school.  I became an elem ed teacher.  I currently home school my special needs children.

I guess what I'm saying is it isn't easy for the parents or the child.  But you should trust your child's teacher to make the right decision.  Otherwise, your child will struggle for who knows how long.  

FWIW, I've seen children who struggle in school tend to develop behavior problems as well.  They do this because they don't want anyone to know they can't read, etc.

OK, bottom line...it isn't about you and how you feel.  (sorry, i know that hurt.)  But you've got to do what your child's teacher thinks is best for him.  Discuss with your child's teacher your concerns, and see what he/she says.

Answer 3

Why don't you ask that he be tested to see if he has a co- existing learning disability, which might be the cause of his difficulties in reading, writing and math.   The school can do the evaluation free of charge to you and it would give both you and the teacher valuable incite about what's going on with  your son.  Many children are overly or wrongly identified as ADHD, when in fact there are other conditions present.  Retention is not necessasarily the best approach, especially since he already has a handicapping condition with his ADHD.

Answer 4

The emotional impact of retention can be devastating to a child.  You should do everything in your power to keep him from being held back...perhaps getting him a tutor.  Retention is not something to ba taken lightly, however, it does him no good to go into 1st grade if he is not prepared for it.  It is always a tough call!

Answer 5

Your son's school doesn't seem to be doing its job.  Why isn't the teacher modifying his work?  What kind of help is he receiving?  Is this a full day kindergarten?  If not, why not?  8 questions wrong out of 33 is about 75% ... that's failing?  

2 of my 5 children were retained -- 1 in 1st grade & one in 3rd.  They still needed extensive help 2 years later and were classified special education.  The retention only helped for the second time they went thru the grade.  And they both hate school and learning to this day.  What a difference their retention made on their effort -- they both tried their hardest the first time, but when they saw that it didn't work, they never wanted to work hard in school again.  My husband and I are both teachers, and we worked with our boys, read to & with them, and gave them all kinds of experiences to increase their background knowledge.  We had books all around & we both read all the time, but they don't read anything.  The youngest even told me -- he's 28 now -- that he doesn't want to have any children because he doesn't want to see his child struggle in school like he did.  And tell me that doesn't break my heart!

I wish I had been more pushy when the boys were in the younger grades.  I just assumed that their teachers & the principals would make the best decisions and that they had tried everything.  Well, I finally got assertive when my youngest was in 4th grade!  The teachers hated me, but they finally modified assignments and tests for my boys and didn't give them all failing grades.  The high school put them in classes where they could learn how to earn a living without needing high test scores.

So, my advice to you is:  start asking lots of questions and getting answers about what they are doing to help your son.  don't just let them tell you all the things the others can do that your son can't.  One year more in the school system will be one less year's wages that he will earn as an adult.  

Are the teachers using strategies to address his ADHD?  Have you talked to your doctor about this?  And, I'd also be careful about just medicating your son -- ask for studies on any medicines prescribed.  Some of them have high incidences of cancers in teenagers or of suicidal tendencies and depression.

Just also remember -- this is your son & the school personell won't even know him 10 years from now, but you'll have to live with any decisions you make for the rest of your lives.

Answer 6

If you are concerned about emotional damage, then think about having a kid who can't do what all the other kids can do:read, write and do math. How does that look when he comes home frustrated with 21% (8 out of 33)?

Get him some help now! Get into the principal's office and request an evaluation. Get every baperback workbook they sell in the book section of every grocery store and get him to read with you everynight.

Kindergarden is not about painting and coloring as it was 10 years ago. If you are not reading by the end of kindergarden then you are going to struggle in 1st grade. They start double digit addition and subtraction in 1st grade where I work.

Answer 7

Have you requested a full evaluation by the school system?  It's time to do so.  He has already been diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age and you need to see if he has a learning disability or other issue going on.  Diagnosing this will help give him the educational and coping skill he needs to do well in school.  Without a good elementary foundation, he is doomed for failure later on.

If you are in the states, your rights as defined by the federal government is to have an special education evaluation done at your request.  You may find out that there is nothing more going on than ADHD and he needs tutoring to make up for his problems  BUT if you find out five years from now that there was a major problem wouldn't you feel awful for not waking up earlier?

Answer 8

Studies have shown that first grade determines a student's success in school. If, your son is having difficulties now and cannot pass his benchmark tests (to determine if he is at grade level), then, he probably have a difficult time in first grade. Hence, he will a tough academic future ahead of him. Right now, he's young enough that if he were to repeat kindergarten, he wouldn't be hurt emotinally or suffer long term. You and his father need to talk with his teacher and figure what needs to be done. My own son was an older kindergarten (I had him start at 6 years old) and it helped him tremendously. He is now in third grade with a few kids that are already 10 years, meaning that they were 7 years old in kindergarten.

With all the standardized testing that begins in second grade, your son will need the best foundation possible. So, better to do it now than wait!

Answer 9

I would say skip Kindergarten and go straight for Calculus.

I mean it's what I did with my kid. It was a really easy transition for him. It should be for your son, unless he's retarded or something?

Answer 10

Your son needs move on to first grade.  

I teach 6th graders this year, 5th graders last year.  It is a major problem when you have someone 2 years older than the rest of the peer group.  It messes with everybody's head.

I don't know your son or your school, but I have not yet personally seen a child who did markedly better the 2nd time in a grade compared with the 1st.

Your son should be fine if you work with him at home.  You need to be his homework and his tutor.

It seems simple, but reading to your son every night and having him read to you regularly will help A LOT.  Tremendously.

The only solution to academic struggle I have been made aware of that really works...is family discipline.  Making sure that everyone is constantly encouraging and helping.  If you and your husband can do that, your son will turn out just fine.  School may be rough.  It may take extra effort for him to perform at the same level as his peers.  But research shows that it's the effort that makes us smarter - nobody is just born that way.

Answer 11

The research suggests that the one group of kids that retention actually helps is the youngest boys in the class--those who have birthdays right before the cutoff date for entering kindergarten or first grade. And it is more likely to help in younger grades when kids don't care as much. Certainly, it's never going to be less traumatic to be held back than it is right now.

For one thing, the incoming kindergarten students don't know or care if he was in kindergarten before. I had a classmate in graduate school who once confessed to me that he had been retained in kindergarten. I tried to get him to tell that to our students in summer school, but he was shy about it for some reason.

I did an informal study of the kids in a certain middle school who were receiving services because of ADHD and found that about 40% of them had birthdays in the last two months before the cutoff date for entering kindergarten in the district. To me, that suggests that the younger kids who are just not ready for school get labelled as disabled early on, and the label sticks.

I've also known parents of children in much later grades who wanted to retain their kids in kindergarten or first grade, got talked out of it by the school, and lived to regret it. Several years later, their children are still behind, but retaining them will only alienate them further. It's the kids who are retained in later grades that skip school and drop out.

I've heard of a survey that suggested students who are not reading on grade level by the end of first grade have about a one in eight chance of ever catching up.

Me personally, I would seriously consider retention, but you know your son best.

Answer 12

If he is not ready for first grade, he may be more damaged. IF you frame it right, it should not be that harmful.

Answer 13

I really struggled through K, 1,2 -I just wasn't ready to satrt school at 5-in mid 2nd grade-things started clicking-and i ended up near the top of my class.

at the same time-I could've become frustrated and gotten further behind-I was lucky-it's a tough call

I would try to get him some extra help now-hopefully he can make adequate progress in the next couple months

Answer 14

adhd or not, did you know that a boy does not academically catch up with girls until 3rd grade?  Holding him back doesn't seem like the best answer, but you know your son.  It sounds like he needs to find a positve teacher that understands him and his needs.  You need to request that teacher next year who will be willing to work with both you and your son.