Should I homeschool my child with Aspergers?

Question

I have never really liked the idea of home schooling. I thought children taught this way were generally awkward in social settings. They were out of touch and never really fit in. I felt bad for them, never getting out. Now if you know what Aspergers is, then you know why I think it might be best in this situation. I can't imagine him in social settings. He's only 19 months and shows lots of symptoms. His 15 year old half-brother has it from his father's side. His father is my husband, my son's father. My husband exhibits many signs. I knew there was a good chance, but didn't think it should interfere with his life much. I've done some research and realize how wrong I was about that. There won't be anything wrong with him, he'll just be very different. He could care less at this age if people are in the room with him. I am the only person he'll interact with. A little with his daddy and 10 year old daughter, but not much even then. Honest opinions welcome. Thanks!

Answer 1

I think you should look into it and consider it if you can.  

IMO, public schools don't know squat about social skills or how to teach kids with Asperger's.  

They are forced into social situations without the tools to help them cope.  They use the same teaching techniques on all sp ed students - never thinking that "hey, I don't think that is going to work with this kid"

This year, I feel public school is free daycare while I work.  My kid learns at home from the only two people who really care about her future.  

Please, get as much services as you can while he is young - OT/PT/ST it's very important for his personal growth and self esteem.  If his self esteem is shot when he's young, it will be very hard to turn around in the future.

Answer 2

The first thing to do is have your child evaluated (if you have not already).  Many times, it can be tough to get your doctor to do it while the child is under two, but I would ask for a referral to a developmental pediatrician.  And, if that isn't working, as soon as he is two you can have him evaluated by the schools under the Child Find offices.

Until then, you have plenty of time to worry about school issues.  It is more important to get early intervention in the form of speech, play groups, OT and if needed sensory integration therapies.  The more of that he has at a young age, the more options you will have as he gets older.

As for homeschooling, as an advocate (and a parent of a child with autism in a school and a daughter with learning disabilities that I home school) I tend to caution parents about homeschooling except as a last choice.  My reasoning is this...very, very few states will continue to provide services such as speech and other therapies to children not enrolled in the school system.  By homeschooling, many parents find themselves not only acting as teachers, but therapsits as well.  Yes, therapy can be provided by private practioners, but insurance companies vary on what and how much they are willing to cover, so in many families this can mean the child looses out.  Unless you have tried the school programs, used your appellate rights and/or have other wise exhasuted all avenues, I tend to encourage families to try and find a way to work with the schools.  Of course, if the child is unhappy, the school system does not have appropriate programs or is unwilling to explore finding them, than homeschooling can be an option, but the parent must be able and willing to take it on.  It is a great deal of work.  It has financial impact on the family as one parent will basically be unable to work (or limited in hours and choices of employment).  Most states have some level of instructional guidelines that you will need to follow, so you will need to purchase, make, download and research curriculums and materials.  You would also have to actively look for social opportunities.  While it may seem a child on the spectrum actually doesn't need to socialize, most of them want to...they simply do not know how.  Giving them opportunities to be with other kids and take part in group activities is still important, maybe even more so in a homeschooling setting.  It can also be emotionally exhausting as you will be with your child almost continuously...and this is tough even with "normal" kids.

You have plenty of time to do reserach.  Talk to other's homeschooling children on the spectrum.  Look for homeschooling groups in your area.  Check homeschooling laws for your state and how this would impact your child's ability to recieve supportive services.  Get a formal diagnosis and go from there.

Answer 3

I would be very weary of a dx of Asperger's at 19 months. The diagnostic key that sets Asperger's apart from autism (even high functioning) is the amount of language that is there at the age of three. At 19 months, there really isn't enough language available yet to make that determination. So, just be careful of that. Even if his brother and your son has Asperger's, he could be high functioning autism.

At any rate, if he's on the spectrum, homeschooling is the best in my opinion. I'm seeing it do WONDERS for my son. Someone here mentioned that their kid did really well in school, learning to mimic what the other kids do. That's the problem. Kids on the spectrum, whether it be Asperger's, autism, have to be taught WHY kids do what they do, not just to do it. Otherwise, they're just being a parrot, and not really learning social skills, and that's not going to help them. I can tell you from what my friend is going through with her Aspie in school, they will NOT bend over backwards to work with these kids to actually teach them social skills. Her son can mimic everything other kids do, to the point that the school during their evaluation for his IEP, decided that he doesn't have Asperger's, there's absolutely nothing wrong with him, even though he was diagnosed by a pediatric neurologist who is experienced in the matter, and it's very obvious at home that he is. They were looking at the fact that he can easily play with others, but didn't bother to notice that he is simply mimicking them and not really understanding why he's doing what he's doing, etc. Homeschooling allows you to work with him in small groups, play dates, etc., where you can teach these things to him, so that he is TRULY social, and not just mimicking.

Answer 4

As an aspie myself, there were times where I wished I was homeschooled. Being an aspie, by the way, does not necessarily make you doomed for school. Because your brain processes information differently, you just simply have to find other ways of learning. Home schooling might be something you want to think about after he has gone through preschool and kindergarten. By then, you will have a better idea of how (and what) his symptoms will entail.

I had a problem with math and writing, for example. He might need speech classes or his own aide. Look at what the schools around you have to offer in the form of extra/special education before you commit to home school. For me, it was wasn't until high school that I got comfortable socially, and I am still a bit "awkward". Your child will probably always have a few "odd" behaviors, and he may never be captain of the football team, but with early intervention of social and educational training, he will be okay.

Answer 5

It will really depend on your child's temperament and their level of functioning.  A good friend of mine (former teacher) is homeschooling her 5th grade son with Aspergers, and he's doing wonderfully.  

The thing about kids and schooling is, there is no one right choice for everyone.  Each child is different and has different needs.  The choices are there for a reason - so that you can provide the learning environment that is best for your individual child.

Contrary to what some on here would have you think, we don't isolate our kids, nor do we keep them inside at the kitchen table all day.  This was done in some states 20 years ago, solely because it was illegal to homeschool in some areas and people were afraid of social services knocking on their door with "neglect" allegations.  That isn't the case anymore.

Today, there are many, many social opportunities for homeschoolers...even more, in many cases, than for kids in a classroom.  Because homeschoolers are not limited by the logistics of a brick and mortar school, we are able to involve our kids in many aspects of society.  About the only parts of society my son is not involved in, for example, are the ones that he has no business being anywhere near.  (I don't take him down to skid row on a regular basis, nor do I take him into a liquor store.  Those are about the only types of places he doesn't go.)

Homeschooled kids can take part in the same types of field trips, group experiences (through co ops and play groups), sports, music/arts/dance, and club-based organizations that public and private school kids have access to.  They can choose to be part of a group co op, they can get together with friends to study and play, and they can organize functions that fit their needs.  HS kids have every opportunity that PS kids do...but they have the freedom to partake in those activities based on their own needs, schedules, and interests.  If the child really doesn't want to go on the zoo trip, they don't have to.  If they'd really like to go to the museum trip, they can.  If they're wanting to play with friends today, they can see their friends...and if they're just really wanting to chill, they have that ability.

As he gets older, watch him to see who he reacts and responds to.  If he's five years old and you're still the only one in the room...it really may be better to homeschool him.  Contrary to popular belief, school's primary function is not to "socialize" kids - it's to teach them.  If he doesn't even acknowledge that his teacher is in the room, what are the chances of him learning anything?

Also, realize that he may dance to the beat of his own drummer, at least for a while...and that's ok.  That's who he is.  Trying to change him into this super-social kid (especially at an age when he couldn't care less, or could be upset at the distractions) could be very detrimental.  As he gets older, he'll figure out ways to be part of society, and you'll be there to help him with that.  Schools are not bad, but they are, by definition, geared toward the majority of kids.  They can't meet every need, nor should they.  If, for some reason, your child doesn't fit their demographic, it is perfectly acceptable to choose another venue of education for him.

You're his mother, and I know you want what's best for him.  In the end, it comes down to this:  Which option will teach him in the format that will allow him to truly learn, and which option will be the healthiest for him emotionally?  The point isn't for your son to be like everyone else...it's for him to be the best "him" he can be.

Answer 6

First of all, I am sorry for the difficult times you are going through.  I am a homeschooling mom and we had a friend who homeschooled her son with Aspergers.  He had been in the public school setting with terrible results.  Her only hope was to pull him out and see if she could do it at home.  We saw them over a period of two years and the progress that her son made was nothing short of remarkable.  He will always have challenges, but his spirit was once again intact and he was a brilliant child who learned very quickly and flourished in her care.  One key to her success as I saw it was her attitude that he was a beautiful child and deserved the best that life could offer to him and experience had proven that she was the best person to nurture his educational exploration through life.  She had some very difficult moments in every day with him.....but I never EVER saw her question the wisdom of deciding to homeschool him.  

     I really believe that if you are to be the primary teacher of your son in the homeschool setting, you need to examine your own feelings about the situation and be brutally honest.  You STARTED the comment section by saying you never liked the idea of homeschooling.  Is that preconceived notion going to be the framework that you use to judge the experience or are you going to be able to put that attitude aside and explore a new option for educating your son with an open mind.  Then you go on to say that this comes from your husband's side of the family.  Are you going to go at this with a deep rooted resentment that your life isn't turning out according to plans because of his genes.  (I've been there with a different medical condition and my daughter and it is not easy to admit)

     If when the painful soul searching is done and you just can't fight the negative feelings, that is ok you just have some more personal battles to fight, but it is much less likely that you will be successful in homeschooling your son because it is not going to be easy.

    If after the soul searching you think you are mentally and physically ready to put the problems aside and give it your all with a POSITIVE attitude tempered with realism, then you go for it.  He is worth it.  So are you and you may end up having the treasure of getting to know him on a level you never dreamed possible.  And whether or not you continue over time is something you can decide as situations and his condition and your own ability to deal with it changes.  

Here is a website you may want to look at.  This is  a mom who homeschooled her daughter with autism and it looks like there is on line support group that you may want to check into as you make your decision.

http://home.earthlink.net/~tammyglaser79...

Your son is so young.  There is so much early intervention yet to be done and so many changes ahead for him.  It is good that you are examining this option so early.  But don't think homeschooling is the only option.  Keep all options on the table, voraciously seek all the information you can and LOVE him until school time.  Then when you have both grown and are ready you can weigh your options in an intelligent and confident manner.  

Be gentle with yourself!  Get to know your son for who he is and love that person!  God bless.

PS.  The age old arguments about homeschoolers and socialization are tedious and have been disproven years and years ago.  Now that is not to say that some homeschooling families do not choose to insulate themselves from the world, but those families are not the norm.  You have only to get involved with a local homeschool group to see what I am talking about and realize the truth.  I think many times people feel comfortable using the socialization issue as a blanket excuse to criticize homeschooling.  It is generally based on an unwillingness to examine the truth as it exists since it conflicts with their prejudicial judgement.

Answer 7

Well 19 months is a little early to be worried about whether he has Autism or not.  There are a few signs like arm flapping that occurs in some autistics at that age, but its not definitive.

If the child has aspergers, then homeschooling is a bad idea.  He will need special social training which he can't get if homeschooled.  He should go to a regular school, but he will need to attend special social training for aspies.   The goal is to learn how to act normal so other people don't figure out what he has.

Answer 8

We have a 13 year old son with Aspergers.

He was not diagnosed until the age of 10. So we have not benefited from early intervention.

I too have never really liked the idea of home schooling - but that is what we are doing now.

The one thing I can say is to go with the flow and be flexible. If your son does have aspergers - then early intervention is very important. Make the most of it. Also all children present differently - from the degree of their autism to the stress triggers. Kids with Aspergers are at high risk of bullying due to their social deficits. It is important to work to their strengths.  

There will be critical transition periods in your sons life.

From preschool to school, elementary/primary school to secondary/high school and high school to work. Each of these periods bring different challenges.



Children with Aspergers can cope reasonably well at Pre School.  The environment is fairly small and the day is very structured. They generally get to choose from a range of activities set up in the room the activity that interests them. Kids with Aspergers will only really do things that they are interested in. There is normally a higher ratio of staff to children than say for elementary and high school. They may even cope fairly well in elementary school. However, the environment will be bigger and they will be required to do things that they have no interest in what so ever. This may create problems - but I would look at finding a small school where they are flexible with their approach to teaching children with special needs.

The end of elementary school (6th grade) and the first so 3 to 4 years of high school are a high risk period. The kids are going through adolescence. They know they are different. They will be desperate to fit in. Our son is in the 7th Grade - we have just withdrawn him from school for home schooling. He had become so stressed. He did have a teachers aide but even with that the school could not cope. He was having frequent panic attacks and showing aggressive behaviour. Since being at home he is becoming calmer. We have enrolled him in an adolescent boys social skills group. We have linked with a Home School Network - and attend excursions with the group. We have maintained contact with friends from his old elementary and high school so that he can have get togethers with them. He is a member of a sport club and we are looking at joining scouts.

At this stage of his life he cannot cope with school. He may return to school in the near future or perhaps stay at home for a longer period of time.

You will know your son better than anyone. Our son was fairly damaged from mismanagement first because no one believed there was anything wrong with him and then because they didnt understand aspergers. Your son may not go through this.

School may be okay. If he needs to just go part time then let him go part time. He will be exhausted at the end of the day - regardless of if he is 3 or 15. School is such a difficult place for these kids - it exhausts them. He will quiet at the end of each school day. He will need teachers who are flexible and willing to adapt the school program to meet his needs. Take it a step at a time. Home schooling has been great for our son at this point in time. You can meet his social needs this way. Dont discount either. Look at your son and what he needs - look at the available schools. Work with your specialists to help you make a decision.

If he is at school and it is not working and your instinct is telling you to move him or home school him then do that. There are many times my instincts were telling me this is not working - but my head was saying something else - in hindsight I would have moved my son much earlier from his 1st elementary school. With high school we did not make the same mistake - he had a few major meltdowns - the school was not changing their approach so we moved him to home schooling. What is important for you to know is that when these kids are not coping at school - their anxiety levels are high - it places stress on everyone. When they are stressed they are not learning. Our home was just full of stress. We now have a calm home.

There will be many challenges along the way. There may be many downs but there will be many ups. Your little boy will have a unique perspective of the world - he will be sensitive and also provide you with much pride & love. It is not all doom and gloom, challenging yes. At times I sit down and cry - but there are many days of laughter. Remember these children are significantly behind socially - so the fact that he will only interact with you is normal behaviour for a child of your sons social age. Always when you look at his developmental milestones - look at his social age as well as his chronological age.

Best wishes. Remember it is important tot get a proper diagnosis. Whilst diagnosis does give a label it provides access to funding and support systems.

Answer 9

I do not think that you should home school him unless the school district fails to offer a class suitable to his needs. Almost every school district offers classes for students with Asperger's or Autism. I would look towards getting a diagnosis before you do anything else.

Call your school district and ask for the "Child Find" department. Tell them you believe your son has a developmental delay and that you would like someone with expertise to evaluate him. You might have to wait a few more months, but the sooner he is seen by the Child Find team, the better.

If you district does not have a Child Find team (By IDEA law, they should) call the Special Education Department and ask to talk with whoever is in charge of Pre-K and tell them about your son.

Also, see if you can find a medical doctor who specializes in developmental disabilities such as Asperger's or Autism and get an evaluation. Knowledge is power.

Going back to home schooling, there is just no way to replicate the school experience at home. Though he shuns interactions, having structured social interactions will benefit him, particularly at a young age.

Answer 10

Children are NOT isolated when it comes to homeschool!!  Everyone who does NOT homeschool says this!

Search for ANY homeschool group in the USA and you will see on their website that there are LOTS of activities you can do!

I have had 2 learning challenged children in public schools and I will tell you it is HORRIBLE.

The kids pick at them like there's no tomorrow.

And the schools are VERY CORRUPT when it comes to helping a child thru special education.

Go to these sites to find out -

www.wrightslaw.com

www.reedmartin.com

www.specialedlaw.blog

www.schwablearning.org (message board)

Doing homeschool was the BEST thing I ever did for my kids.

My BLIND grandsons parents were 'tricked' into having him live at the ONLY blind school in GA.  After 2 months we learned the laws and found out they have the kids living there so they can GET MORE MONEY !!

They do NOT care that they tore these kids up, they are BLIND, taking them away from their parents, having their parents pull up their whole world, losing their houses and jobs, so they could move closer to this school to be with their BLIND kids who were not suppose to be living their to start with!

Anyway, I and SO many other parents of kids with special needs have had BAD experiences with public schools.

Stay away from them!!!

Answer 11

I agree with JJ L. It will be important for your child to be exposed to different social situations so that he can learn strategies to adapt. Also, by attending a public school, he will probably be eligible for special education services that can help him develop his social skills.

I have a concern, though. You mentioned that your child is not even 2 years old yet. This seems awfully young for a diagnosis of Asperger's. It may be too soon to tell if it is Asperger's, another form of Autism, or something else. Please note, I am not by any means an expert. I work in a college learning center and a couple of the students I work with have Aspergers.

Get connected with other parents of children with Aspergers through organizations and autism chat rooms. These folks will be a wealth of information and support for you.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/

Answer 12

I'm a special education teacher working with children on the spectrum.  I think you should consider sending him to school.  He is still very young and might be able to interact and socialize with other children.  He might be different but he will need that exposure or else he will not be able to deal or learn from situations.

Answer 13

Yes, u should. There's  so much meanness and bullying in public schools these days, more so now  than ever, I think. It wouldn't be right to throw him out there with  the cruel people who are heartless to people who suffer from mental illnesses . I've been home schooled since  4th grade, I love it ,  I'm a senior now. I've been called "sheltered" because of it. Thats not true , my mother has taught me alot along the way.    I've become less protected &  learned a lot about life, &  things that kids go through. Home schooled or not kids are gonna be part of the c**p thats out there. But I'm glad I wasn't immersed in it everyday like some. I've witnessed my friends getting picked on, & complaining  about teachers.  I think its beautiful your son connects with you, etc. I think he needs love, patience, and his mom teaching him. He loves you so much and you could teach him a million things :). I have friends, & I'm very  social. Being home schooled doesn't keep you from social situations, you don't become an outkast either. Sure, you meet more people in public school, but being home schooled is just being schooled at home.   I have great faith in God ,  just pray for the wisdom and guidance about what to do. Homeschooling isn't sheltering, it's learning at your own pace and living in a more peaceful way, etc. I would not like  being in public school,  Who wants to be  a part of the worldly non-sense? Well, God bless you and your family :)

Answer 14

I think isolating your child with home schooling will do more harm then good in the long run.  Most with aspergers   have trouble in social settings, and the same is true for those children that are home schooled.

School can be a very troubling time for anyone, with our with a disability, but it does help in developing appropriate social interactions.

Do some research and you may find some local schools that have great programs that specialize in children with aspergers  .  

Remember that he is only 19 months and there are many well adjusted people living with this condition.

Good luck.

Answer 15

Hi there first you need a diagnosis secondly there are special schools ..

My son is autistic and has bee nexluded more times than i can remember and now he is starting a special school which can cater to his needs

Home schooling is a killer i have done 18 months of it and it is hard

I had no choice as he was not allowed to go to mainstream school and it has taken us over 7 months to find the right school for him

Aspergers is a learning disability and it does affect daily life in every single way

my son is 13 and it rules his life and ours ..My son hates being different ..

Your son is very young and you will not be able to see the full impact ...

My son struggles in any social situation .. he does not understand emotions .. body language ... boundaries and he lives in his own world ...

Your son is interacting with you .. mine has never done that ..

It is only now he is starting and that has only come about through years of treatment

Get an assessment whilst he is young as it is easier to diagnose .My son got diagnosed two years ago as i tried to help him on my own and you can not ...

This can not be fixed on your own

Answer 16

Well, I homeschool my son with aspergers after five years in public school. PS was very hard, and he didn't learn any socializing, what he learned was how to be bullied. He turned into a wonderful victim. Now that he's out of school, he's much better with other people, especially children.

I will say that 19 months is very young to have a dx of aspergers. Usually they need to wait until later to ensure that there is no language delay. You might get a second opinion, but still, homeschooling is great no matter the ability of your child! Find an accepting, open play group and get started on those skills now. Good luck

Answer 17

My son is HFA without secondary disorders.  He is five.  The biggest mistake I made with him was not putting him into preschool earlier.  He has improved so much just by being around statistically normal children.  Our therapist said he is modeling after the other children - copying their behavior - and has improved enough that he will not require special assistance next year in kindergarten.  Be warned the first three or four months were disastrous . . . but in my case it was well worth it.  I would also encourage you to start social intervention programs and speech therapy now.  Good luck.