Should I invite my husbands family to his own birthday?

Question

His birthday is coming up. I will be hosting a surprise birthday party. He talks to his mom, dad, and sister,

BUT no longer wants to have a relationship with with his aunts and grandmother.

if i don't invite them, they will say it's because of ME. i don't want to create more problems in an already messed up family.

i hate them all, and i couldn't care any less,

but it's his birthday and his family.

Help please with any advice. Thanks in advance

Answer 1

If it's a party for him then as his wife you should invite only the people you know he will want there.

Besides, if you don't really care what the rest of them think, then why are you so concerned that they will blame YOU if they are left off the guest list?

Answer 2

Well if you make it strictly by invite only, then I don't see why you can't invite his parents and sister. If he doesn't want anything to do with anyone else then thats his decision and all you are doing is simply respecting that.  

Answer 3

ask his parents and sisters if they think its a good idea.  if ur husband does not want anything to do with i think that includes not seeing them at his birthday party though.  

Answer 4

If you truly insist on dragging his entire family over for a party... at least hold the party at a restaurant where everyone will have to behave because it will be in public.

I don't see any point in dragging in the people he detests and there is no reason for the invited to advertise the affair to the uninvited. Would anyone really give a rat's patootie whether the nasty aunts and grandmother have anything to say about it? Wouldn't it serve just as well to keep them at bay?  Just invote the relatives hubby actually talks to and leave it at that!

I suggest you keep the scale relatively small. More intimate parties tend to be better valued.

Answer 5

first of all, no offense but hating people is not good for YOUR health.  If you hate them all as you say then maybe they are justified in thinking it is cause of you..do you see.

You can be supportive of your husband without hating his relatives too.

If you invite them, this does not mean he has to have a relationship with them...he might not see them again for years.

You might want to invite them and try to make it fun..maybe some games will be bonding like charades or sometimes to keep some of the conversation down and allow people to enjoy themselves..you know some planned activities..do a cool conversation provoking party theme that keeps the conversation pleasant ..use distraction if things start to go sour.

Your other option is to invite all or just the ones you want to a restaurant or do some event with the ones he likes like going somewhere for some activity and then have a restaurant get together where all re invited.  Just ask his parents and sister not to mention your activity if you think it will cause ill feelings.

Sometimes if we limit contact and have occasional get togethers with family we do not like, we allow them an opportunity to see everyone has some good in them and maybe we could see them once in a great while at least...and if it is awful..well, since we limited contact, we do not have to put up with it too much.

Another option s do something fun with the favored relatives the week or a few days prior and then do a party with all.

It seems there are so many messed up families..I know I have one and after 8 years of them making me cry every Christmas and physically and verbally all attacking me (my sibs) when we divided my mom's estate for asking for one item ..an inexpensive plaque I had engraved for my dad before he died, they all went berserk and made me the scapegoat..I don't want to be around them and yet an torn due to feeling an obligation to see them at least once a year and torn between wanting to hate them for all they did to me and feeling guilty as a christian for not forgiving and it is hard to walk that line

Having almost been killed in a serious car accidentally very recently and just having lost my mom this year, remember life is short...anger steals from us our precious life and someday we might regret how we treated others.  

We can endure much more than we think we can and sometimes we must give others the chance we hope they would give us if someone hated us..I think it is ok to invite them all..the worst case scenario is a fight erupts or he is upset but the odds of this are not huge.

if he is horribly upset make it up to him later that night after you go to bed and give him the birthday present he will love the most to make it up to him..men are easy as we girls know :)

Answer 6

If you get along with his mother and sister ask them. But if not just invite his friends over and make it a s**y adult type thing for you and his other married friends. That way if questioned just say it was an edgy adult soire; not the type of thing to invite the whole family to. You know?

Answer 7

You can't invite some without inviting the others. Pretty sticky situation. Why not just take him out to dinner and cocktails? Just the two of you. Go somewhere romantic. Or you can have the party and invite them, and if the show up, they show up, if they don't then, oh well.

Answer 8

If the party is for HIM, then you need to invite people that he would want there.  

I don't know why he doesn't desire to have a relationship with certain members of his family any longer, but if you disagree with his decision then it's something that the two of you should talk about.  Springing unwanted relatives on him isn't a good choice.  More likely than not the mood of the entire party would end up suffering.  If your husband's feelings are strong enough he may even decide to leave.

Answer 9

follow link and this will answer your question.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQs3jZbxF...

Answer 10

Maybe you should forget the "surprise" part of the party and let your husband know you want to have a little party for his birthday, and ask who he'd like to invite.

OR

you might get together with a few friends instead, for a non-family, stress-free celebration? that way, if his family wants to "celebrate" they can make their own arrangements.

just my thoughts.

Answer 11

For me I will still invite his family.  It's his birthday I know but who knows on his birthday he could be in good terms with his aunt and grandmother. At least you are showing his family that you are not on any-body's side.  All you want is peace in each everyone of his family.