Should I just leave him alone and let him live as he wants to?

Question

Recently my husband and I haven't been close at all. I love him but am not "in love" with him and he knows this. A lot of his behavior is unacceptable to me (works nights and sleeps all day, messes up but doesn't clean up, compulsively spends money without regard to the kids needs, constantly ordering things online without concern for finances, etc.) We have 3 kids. I asked him if he was happy, he said he was unhappy about a lot of things but happy with me. I am unhappy about most things. I try to talk to him but he doesn't want to communicate. He said he feels like I am trying to control everything. I only want what's best for our family. I want to be financially stable and be able to provide for my kids. I am so lonely and want companionship. He says he is unhappy but makes no effort to change the things making him that way. Do I just stop caring what he does and take care of me and my kids? Will that make a difference? At this rate, with school starting, our girls will not see him until he tells them goodnight. It's not fair to me or them. What else can I do?

Answer 1

Go get some marriage counseling.

But really, what do you expect from a person when they know you're playing the "love but not IN love" card?

Answer 2

You need to sit him down, and tell him what you just posted. Don't dance around the subject, but also don't accuse him (he will react defensively). Just tell him how you and unhappy, with certain things, and that you are worried about your family's financial security! From there talk it out, and work out compromises!

Also, he should not be putting his own interest above his family's, and he should/need to understand this!!

If you feel that your situation is beyond talking it out, maybe you should consider counseling