Question:

Should I just take this leap of faith?

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My boyfriend and I have a 14 month old daughter together. For about the past 6 months he's been using drugs on the weekends. We never really do anything together anymore basically because of the fact that I've lost so much trust and respect for him. It seems like it's just a big circle and we keep going around and around again. One weekend he'll use and the next Thursday or Friday he'll ask if I want to go out to see a movie or to eat and I refuse because I feel like it's when it's convenient for him that he asks to do something with me (why couldn't we go see a movie last weekend, why did you have to choose drugs?). So then of course because I said no there's an argument and he's out using again. I've let him know how I feel about it all and he swears (over & over again) that he will stop and he doesn't want this to destroy our relationship (or family for that matter). But of course he never does. So this past weekend he used again and while he was out I went out to dinner with my father and he offered for me and my daughter to come live with him. I'm really considering it because I'm just so fed up with being treated like a doormat. I let him know that I'm considering this and he wants another chance he suggested that we try again and take things slow and he will get help, I agreed but assured him that if it happens again I'm out the door without even saying goodbye, I'm letting him know now. Last night I found out that he's got a trip planned to New York (where he's from) next weekend for 3 days and he wasn't going to tell me until next weekend (he's already got the tickets). So I told him that I'm done & I can't take his lies and sneaky ways anymore. Am I over reacting? He says I am. He says I'm being selfish for getting upset about his NY trip. But isn't this not the best time to run away to NY (where his ex girlfriends are)??? I'm livid.

I really want this relationship to work more than anything, not just because we have a daughter together but I do enjoy spending time with him when he's not using drugs and we're able to get along (which we did, before the drugs were involved). I'm so lost..any ideas? What should I do? Should I just go? Or should I stop over reacting and let this keep happening?

I say "leap of faith" because I haven't been alone in so long and I'm terrified of it. My father and I haven't always been so close so I'm not so sure that living with him will be the best thing either. I think my fear of being alone comes from all of this stress lately.

Sorry I wrote so much....Thanks.

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  1. What drugs are we talking about here? If its just weed your making way too big a deal out of it. Maybe if you accepted he smokes he wouldn't have to be so sneaky around you. You seem very controlling. Maybe the tickets were suppose to be a SURPRISE and thats why he didn't tell you. But if hes smoking crack or doing heroin its a whole different story.


  2. He needs help coming off the drugs + whatever caused him to start it 6 months ago in the first place.  If you have to leave him for it to be important enough to stop using, then you would have to do it!  He may clean up and if he does it in time, you may still have a chance of being happy together again.

    If you carry on and put up with his you are not motivating him to stop using.

    Sometimes, when they get hooked, however much they want to stop - they just can't seem to do it.

    Be stong.  You sound like a very sensible young lady.  Find somewhere save to live, stayed at your father as a stop gap short term may do that relationship some good but I wouldn't do it long term.  I think you are right about that.

    This is the time that both of you will require strength... and yes faith !

    Best of luck, Chrissy.

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