Should I keep supporting this soldier, he's giving me mixed signals?

Question

I met a man 22 years ago and fell in love with him. It did not last, but my feelings did. I found him in January and we have been communicating. He deployed to Iraq a few months ago and communication has continued. He has been very kind and loving, to me it seems like the love between us is growing. He named his MRAP after me, signs emails with "love", has sent me 3 bouquets of flowers and called me 4 times. I think all of that is a big deal and means something. I don't want to pressure him because he is at the end of a 10 yr marriage. He has said things like"i love you for who you are" and even has a nickname for me. Then he will say that he hopes I find the love and happiness I deserve in life. I don't understand. I have been honest about my feelings but am I misreading his signals?

Answer 1

Hmmm...I see what you mean. I think that I too would be mixed up by this particular response.  

I think that if you've cared for this man for over 22 years, you must ask him to make this statement clear to you, after all you've come this far, you need to know if all your time and effort will be going somewhere this time around.  Also, the best way to know is to ask.

Answer 2

"is at the end of a 10 yr marriage"??? Is it over over or is he going through it now? Because if its not over I wouldn't trust it, since they've been married ten years she gets part of his military benis including retirement which is sometimes a good reason to try to "work things out" and sometime some guys are just scummy and just say things.

And if it is over I would say you still need to be careful because the ending of a marriage is hard and he's probably just not ready for a while.

Answer 3

When he says he hopes you find the love and happiness you deserve in life, have you ever said, "I have - it's you" just to see how he responds?  It could be that he's insecure, but my guess is that since he is at the end of a 10 year marriage, that things aren't settled yet.  A lot of times, someone will become close to another as a relationship is coming to a close, and then want to explore other relationships once the first relationship is all done legally. It's called "rebound".  

It is possible that he is happy to have you and wants to be with you. It's also possible that he's secretly hoping that Angelina Jolie will be waiting for him once his divorce is done.  You can't tell at this point.  Time will tell.

Answer 4

CAREFUL'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''...

korkie

Answer 5

YOU are giving him attention while he's deployed!

who knows what will happen when he comes back home?!

He might reconcile with his wife!

Answer 6

I like that one response about just coming out and saying, "It's you".  Those are definitely mixed signals.  I think, regardless, he's not going to be 100% into this relationship.  You'd essentially be the rebound person so be very very wary with this one.

Answer 7

He Loves you however not in the manner that you want. As a divorced man and Veteran sometimes we go through many changes especially him going through a breakup. You are his shoulder to lean on and the support that he needs. When a man tells you that he hopes that you find love and happiness in your life. What he really means is that he is afraid to commit into a relationship right now and as long as everything is going fine with you two than don't pressure him into a subject that he is uncomfortable with. Let time pass and continue with your support and I am sure things will work out. Eventually he will come along because you seem to be truly in Love and he knows this.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

"At the end of a 10 year marriage" sounds like you are being the other woman right now.  Personally I would not be comfortable playing that position, especially in a soldier's life.  First because it is not fair to his wife and kids and any chance that they might have.  The military puts so much stress on marriages already that you do not need to be adding more.  You had your chance and lost it.  Second because if he's willing to start a relationship with you while he's still married to someone else then he's more likely to do the same thing to you.  Third because he's giving you signals that he's ambivalent about the situation too.  It doesn't sound like he's entirely sure what he wants which means he may be trying to work his current marriage out.

Answer 9

I'd say that he's not ready to make any kind of commitment to anyone right now and is just trying to let you down gently or at least keep you open to the possibility that this won't go any further.  

There's also the issue of serving in a war zone with the ever-present possibility of not returning alive or not as the man that went over there.

Keep the lines of communications open but don't expect too much right now or pressure him.  He's got a lot of beans on his plate with a failing marriage and serving in a war zone.  Be the friend who is always there for him and you may be surprised what will develop once he's back home and has his personal affairs sorted out.  The best relationships are the ones based upon a strong friendship first.  The happiest married couples will quickly tell you that they married their best friend!