Should I leave my girlfriend who is bipolar

Question

I discovered recently that my girlfriend is bipolar. We have been together for over a year and talked about getting married. She is dead set that I am the one for her, but I don't know if I could handle some of the mood swings. Some days she is awesome, but others she can be angry or depressed over something trivial. I do love her very much but after discovering this, and hearing how difficult it is, I don't know if I could handle that. I am very easy going and very slow to anger, but there are a few occasions where her behavior pushes it. Any advice or experience? Bipolar seems to run in her family.

Answer 1

Well, If I was her, I'd rather know now that you couldn't deal with her illness now, rather than after  a few more years.  I am sure that she will take it hard.  Living with , and dealing with mental illness isn't for everyone.  But on the other hand, did she too, also just find out she's bi-polar?? If so, maybe she hasn't had enough time to adjust to her meds, or maybe they haven't found the right kind or como of meds. It can take a long time for some to become stable with meds.  Maybe ya'll can try councilling together.

Answer 2

You should read more information on bipolar disorder. There are books for loved ones dealing with bipolar disorder that can be very helpful to family and friends who have loved ones with this disorder. I have bipolar disorder and what you have to understand is that these emotions come on very strong and very fast and are extremely hard to control without medication such as lithium. Is she seeing a therapist/psychiatrist to help deal with these feelings? If not she definately should be, bipolar disorder is very serious and if left untreated can leave a person leaving hopeless, anxious, angry, etc. Severe rage has always been a problem with my disorder and even the medication cannot help with that. The only way I can deal with the rage is to keep seeing a therapist once a week to help me deal with these feelings.

Answer 3

What if you woke up tomorrow and found out that you had Diabetes?

Then your girlfriend "left" you because of it.

or

Would you leave her if she had Diabetes ?

Diabetes if left untreated can have severe effects on someones "emotional state", if the insulin levels and bloodsugar levels aren't kept in the normal range. People with low blood sugar or diabetes can have mood swings and depression, bursts of anger due to their blood sugar levels.

But if your a diabetic or have low blood sugar you know that you need to do certain things to keep them at a normal level.

Same with being Bi-Polar

The point is she has a medical condition that can be treated with medication, if she's willing to manage her condition with it why would it make any difference if it was that she was Bi-polar or had Diabetes?

I think perhaps you should learn as much as you can about the condition, sit down with her and talk about it.

Tell her your concerns, explain that just like any other condition, if she isn't going to do everything she can to keep it in check then you aren't going to live with it.

However if she is willing and actively working with a DR. to manage it...then it really shouldn't matter.

Every relationship is difficult and has it's challenges, sticking with someone you care for during those difficult times is when it changes from "crush" to Love.

If she "uses' her condition to be an emotional wreck and as a tool to manipulate people ( like you) then that is a different story...dump her.

Peace

Answer 4

Tough Call maybe you shouldn't overcommit and just see how things go for awhile. I guess it depends how much you like her when she is in a good mood.

Answer 5

You need to stay with her and support her if you really love her.  If she is Bipolar than she should be in therapy and on medication.  It took me a few years to find the right medications.  Different medications work for different people.  She would have to be on medication for the rest of her life.  She has to take her medicine at the same time every day.  Just be patient with her and help her.  I was diagnosed with Bipolar after I was married but my husband didn't divorce me when he found out.  If you truly love her you will stay with her.  Love conquers all things.  When I tell people that I am Bipolar they can't believe it because I am so outgoing and friendly.  I am very calm.  I tell them that it is because I am on medication.  Before I was diagnosed I was an absolute nightmare.

Answer 6

Well, in all honesty you describe a marriage, not necessarily a marriage to someone with bipolar disorder. In any marriage there are times when one person's behavior pushes it. Marriage means you always love them, but you don't always like them, and that there are those days that s/he is the biggest pain in your a** that you've ever known in your entire life and you just want to beat a hole into the wall with your bare fist. But... you love them and you just really can't imagine doing it without them.

Also, one must be careful in making decisions based on "hearing how difficult it is." Difficult for others is not necessarily difficult for you. Perhaps you heard it was difficult from someone who is quick to anger and uptight? How do you know how difficult it would be for you? There's no way of telling for sure. And what do you know what you can "handle?" Lordy... if I had decided to do things based on thinking I couldn't "handle" it, I'd be sitting at home on the couch flipping channels 24/7. Quite frankly, that's about all I can handle sometimes, much less what I think I can handle.

What if you learned she had cancer? Would you consider leaving her then? While cancer and bipolar disorder are not the same thing, in many ways it would be the same kind of decision. Separate the disease from the person to help guide your actions.

Also, how well does she manage her disorder? Does she see a therapist? Take medication? Do what she can to manage her swings? This might be a condition (yes, we don't like to place conditions on love, but sometimes it is necessary) of you two getting married... she needs to take care of herself and her disease and realize that her mental health is now a part of your health as a couple. You both need to realize that your individual health in general is important to the other.  ( e.g., Is there any unhealthy behavior that you participate in that you need to change?)

Best of luck. I hope this gives you some insight.

Answer 7

You should always stick with the one you love through think and thin...

Honestly, i think it would be a terrible act if you left her. With your support her condition can be easier to handle and plus she has medication to treat her condition (well, i hope so).

If you truly love her then go ahead and marry her! Don't let your true love escape because of a manageable illness.

Hope this helps :)

Keep us posted on what goes down.

Answer 8

I understand your struggle oh so well! However, if you truly love this girl then you should stick by her! However, encourage her to seek help & do whatever is needed to reduce the moodswings etc! If she refuses then maybe you need to step off!  

Answer 9

Yes, I think you have a small taste of what life together would be like and you have doubts that you can handle it. You also said that she is the one who is 'dead set' about the marriage. I think it's time for you to pull out before you are married and have children that will be hurt by a divorce. There will be someone else out there for her and for you too. Breaking up now is much better than a divorce later. You don't have to feel guilty either if you are kind about letting her go. Don't let anyone push you into a life situation.

Answer 10

You should not leave your girlfriend. If you really love her, you should love for for who she is, even if she has any disorders. Instead, you should help her...Also, if you leave her, you will hurt her, because she may think that you're just like some people in the society who discriminates/judges people with disorders, and hurt that her loved one is one of those people...

Answer 11

I have bipolar and as long as we take our medicines to stabilize our moods, see a psychiatrist and counselor, we seem to be fine.  Notice I said I have bipolar, not I am, it doesn't define who I am, it's just an illness. I am still an intelligent, and sweet loving person, just I have these mood swings.   I suggest you attend her sessions with her and maybe the counselor or doctor can help you deal with the moods that come with this.  It's like Alanis Morrisette song I'm A B***h, you listen to it because that's what bipolar is like.  If you do love her as much as you say, then you should be supportive and try to find a bipolar support group you both could go to.  Make sure she sees the doctor and has her medicine.  Talk about how the med is working, if you think it needs upped or need something else to try.  I am on Lexapro 30mg and Lamictal 150mg. Make sure to tell the doctor any change in mood or behavior, if she's sleeping too much or is up for long periods.  Talk to the doctor about it running in her family and to her, if you're concern about your children in the future having this disease.  Bless anyone who is a relative or friend of someone with this condition.  I know, I am very difficult with my mood swings.  I can't tell you to stay but maybe if you go with her to her sessions they can offer you a way to help her and deal with her moods.  What you're feeling, you're not the only one.  She may feeling that she's too much for you to handle and may think you're better off without her.  That is how I feel, because I know my moods and behavior is hard to deal with, when I am not being any fun.  I know I may be all over the place in this, but two more things.  Exercise together, this helps just about everyone to deal with stress and make sure she's eatting right and healthy.  Try to find a support group near you to attend.  Give it time and after that then decide if you could handle her mood swings, make it a condition she has to seek help and keep it and you will do your best to handle it.  When you marry someone it's through sickness and health.  Ask yourself this question "Would she stick by your side through this illness or another?"  

Here's 2 sites that may help.  www.managingbipolar.com or BipolarTreatmentInfo.com

here's a site that helps w/ disability if she can no longer work because of it Allsup.com

I hope you find the help you need.

Answer 12

My dad is bipolar so my mom ended up leaving him. he never took his meds and he was always a pain to be around. but my aunt on his side is bipolar too and she takes her meds. i love being around her and she is one of the nicest people i have ever met. so the only help i can give is for you girlfriend to take her medicine if she doesn't already. if you really love her though, and she really loves you then i would try to make it work.