Should I leave my live in boyfriend and go back to my ex?

Question

My live in boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. I met him as I was trying to get over my ex at that point. All of the things I normally find satisfying in a man he did NOT have, except for money but I was desperate to get over my ex so I went for it. Well for the past 3 years he is getting a divorce from his wife soon which has yet to happen and up until about 8 months ago he was cheating left and right. Now he has lost his good paying job and working barely paying child support and his car note which means that he is hardly contributing to the bills at our house. He has also now stopped cheating but I feel if the money was still here he would still be cheating. On top of all of this, I still love my ex and he wants to marry me and I want to be with him. My ex and I had a few issues when we were dating but nothing compared to what I go through with this guy. My ex has bought a house for me and my kids and wants to move forward where we left off but everytime I try to breakup with my live in boyfriend he keeps crying and begging me not to. I am not even in love with my live in boyfriend anymore, I just deal with him because I know he needs me at the moment. When he was doing good financially, he has been caught out of town and over other womens house more than once now I think that he has just settled on being with me because of his money situation.

What do I do? Serious replies only.

Answer 1

s***w your boyfriend, go to your ex.

Answer 2

your absolutely right on all counts. Nothing attracts the cheating type more than money and it the only reason is has decided to become loyal because at this point he has no money, which still make him a cheat and liar, doesn't it ??

     He set his own karma in motion, now it has come home to roost, he must live with that and learn to handle it, as we all must.

      Pity is just a weapon to this man. He's not worried about loosing your love as much as he is about himself, the same weakness's that led him to cheating. So in the end, your still dealing with the same selfcentered man and character.

      Pity is the worst reason for anyone to stay, nor can it last, especially for this guy as it's just another form of manipulation. Ask him why he did not fear your leaving, when cheating and wait for an answer.

      Tell him that you no longer love him, that pity is just a weapon he is using at the moment. Tell him that had his revelation of loyalty come before his bad run of luck, he might be slightly more believable and the fact that you don't believe him, is his "own" fault. That "sorry seldom helps once the damage is done"!!  Tell him to be a man and accept the responsibility and consequences of his actions. That his tear no longer work, because if thing were to change next week, so would he.

       Don't be mean about it, but do be strong, do not let him see any sympathy.

       The only reason i think you should verbalize these things, is so you can hear them yourself and leave without guilt.  

       If these things do get through to him, then you have left him with the best gift of all and probably given him a chance for happiness in the future, that is, if he really means what he's saying and just not wallowing in his own self pity, which i feel he  is.  

       Then make your plans to leave.

        Here's wishing you and the kids much happiness, from here on it, you deserve it.

Answer 3

Sounds like your a gold digger, seems like everything was just fine and dandy as long as the money was flowing.  Now that it's not you want to bail and run after your ex that is now flashing money around, hmm you probably left your ex because he was broke too.. I feel sorry for any guy that would be foolish enough to get involved with you.  

You want a serious reply?  Leave both of these guys, go live by yourself and become the crazy old cat lady, i think even the worst man in the world deserves better then you.

Answer 4

Above all else, you should move out of the situation you are in now. You also, need to get your priorities straight- your children are living in what sounds like utter chaos! You are living with a married man who doesn't know what he wants- why would you settle for someone who apparently was cheating on you because he is a habitual cheater or I'm sorry to say, looking for something better. Don't you think you & your childeren deserve better than that? As far as the ex goes, I realize that you THINK  you still love him but, are you absolutely sure or are you having these feelings because this other guy is not what you truely want. Don't jump into things with your ex so quickly out of desperation- he may not be the answer to your problems as you so wish. Take your time, make sure he is the real deal. You stated that you both had a few issues- remember, those issues were the cause of you two ending the relationship. Keep in mind that any decisions you make will affect your children & they will ultimately be the ones to pay the price should things with your ex not work out the second time around. I wish you much happiness whatever you decide! Take care....  

Answer 5

Tell him to go s***w himself. You have to put up with him AND he cheats? not to mention he's a freaking whiner. Besides, your relationship with your current boyfriend sounds like it is soley for HIS benefit.

Answer 6

The first boyfriend didn't have enough money, so you found yourself a married man with money. Now the married boyfriend is broke and the first boyfriend has bought a house, because he knows you go after the man who has the most money.

So what happens if the boyfriend with the house loses his job and they foreclose on the house? I guess you will have to find another guy with money. In the meantime you drag your kids along from man to man to man. All for the hunt of a rich man.

Why not give your kids a break and get yourself an education and a good paying job and make your kids proud of their mother for making it on her own and not being a gold digger anymore.

You wanted serious replies only. I'd say that's pretty serious!

Answer 7

Move out and get your own apartment and support yourself for a while. Stop bouncing off different men and learn to stand on your own 2 feet

Answer 8

This is simple, what is best for the children?  Not best for you, your boyfriend or your ex.  

The best for your children is that the have a stable mother and you are not that right now.  You are completely messing up just to have a love life.  Take that off the top of your list.  As a matter of fact, take that off your list completely.  Move in with your parents, (they were probably right after all) and quit dating until your last child is out of the house.  Your kids need 100% of you.  Not just whatever you have leftover after your love life.  Make them more important than yourself.  

If you ex is the kids father then working towards having a healthy relationship with him would be a good plan.  And once you establish that then you can get remarried.  NO s*x until that healthy relationship is established or you won't know if you really have one or not.  s*x dilutes your thinking.  If he won't date you without s*x then he doesn't really want you anyway.  My mon told me that if I tell a guy no and he still wants to date me then I am on the right track.  I have been married 27 years now and we still really love each other. It's the best, to be happily married!

But getting back with the ex still have to be secondary to being the best Mom you can be.  The kids need to know that they are your love life.  What a gift that would be for them.  

Answer 9

Let them both alone.  Stand on your own two feet.  Gain some self respect and a little more knowledge to not only free yourself, but to raise your children to know better than the example they are being given.  Ask yourself this - what advise would you give your children if they were in this situation?  Better question - how would you feel about your nurturing if they were in this situation?  That should be some insight into the type of change your mindset needs.  Good luck.

Answer 10

you must be smokin something.  you so call bf is not even divorce and now that he has no money you want out?  why don't you settle on yourself first?  stop sleeping around yeah?

Answer 11

I have done that and rebound relationships rarely (if ever) work out. If you are not in love with your live in bf then you need to leave. He is a big boy and if he hits rock bottom then unfortunately.. he will have to find a way to overcome that. You are not his mom, you are his live in gf.

  He needs to realize that no matter how much he begs and pleads, you are not there to take care of him and raise him, per se. You deserve better than that.

If you and your kids need get out, then get out. I suggest you sit down with your live in bf and tell him what you are doing and why you are doing it. When he starts crying and begging you to stay, look at him and say "Why you cry when I want to leave when you seem to have another woman just waiting to take care of you?? When are you going to realize that you are a grown man and need to learn to take care of yourself??"

  Then calmly get up, pack yours and your kids' belongings, get in your car, and go.

  Good luck.

Answer 12

why do you have to be with either of them.  

sounds like you should try supporting yourself for a while.  You've made yourself so dependent on someone else that you've wasted 3 years of your life with someone you were only with for his money.  He didn't treat you well but you put up with it for the sake of money and now that the money is gone you want to leave him.  You shouldn't have been with him to start with.

Once you're in your own place then you can renew your relationship with your ex and see if your feelings for him are real and if the problems you had in the past have worked themselves out or if they be worked out if they still exist.

I think if you try to go from your current BF to your ex, then you'll just find yourself in the same situation you just left but with someone else.

Answer 13

It sounds like you already have made up your mind but let me just say this.... I think a better idea would be for you to move on and live alone for a while you don't seem to be the type of person that can make it alone.  

Second you admited at the beginning that the only thing that attracted you to your live in boyfriend was money then you end it with complaining that he is counting on you.  You have issues too my dear.  Good luck

Answer 14

go to your ex why did u need to ask us when u know what you want?

Answer 15

hmmm you sound like a real s**t.

Answer 16

if you feel in your heart that it is the right thing to do with your ex. then leave. when the guy you are currently with does get back on his feet, he will forget that you were there for him and go back to his old ways. i wonder, do you ever feel as if he is using you ?

Answer 17

Go back to your ex if he'll have ya.

Answer 18

Why would you settle for a cheater? They never change. and you can't trust them If you are still in love with your ex? What are you waiting for? And if you have worked out your problems go for it. He wouldn't have to ask me twice.Let your boyfriend cry, what the h**l do you owe him?

Answer 19

Hello!?!  Honey, you just answered your own question!  You know what you have to do...

Answer 20

if your not married to this guy, and he isn't financially doing his share, and he's cheated, and still married, why stay with him?he only stopped the cheating for now, a cheater is always a cheater no matter what.

Answer 21

I think you really need to get it over with and just leave your current boyfriend! He sounds no good all around. I would have been out of there a long time ago, regardless of his begging and problems. s***w that guy! It's not worth it.

Answer 22

Let's see, your live in boyfriend whom you only got with because of his money not only cheats on you but has also no income. Seriously, you need to end this relationship. If you don't see that, I fear for you. If you want to stay with a man who cheats on you and who cries fake tears so that he can keep you around, ok - Just give your children to a responsible adult. Please leave this loser and pick a better man.  

Answer 23

So your boyfriend cheated on you and now you feel pity for him because he lost his job. I hate to tell you but your really being a sucker. I guess women dont mind a guy that cheats.  

Answer 24

soon as he started cheating i would of

lefted him. if you think you would be much

happier with your ex go back to the ex and

start your life with him and your kids. and the

boyfriend you can help him as a friend don't

stay with someone that you are unhappy with

he can find somebody else.

best of luck =)