Should I leave my wife?

Question

I have been married to my wife for a little over a year and have been her partner for four. The past four years of our relationship have been good, we do fight, but so do most couples. Recently she has been acting wierd and has been distant from me. She was with this guy in high school and her early part of college. They broke up about a year before we started dating. He is a drug addict and is always in and out of jail, she broke up with him because the instability in their relationship.

About a month ago she went and visited his parents (he's in jail). She used to be really close to his parents, and says she just wanted to see how they were doing. However, she says that she wishes she could change him, and it seems that she is torn on whether she wants to do. She admits she still loves him and cares about him. However, she knows that deep down inside she can't be with him, because he is unstable and always in and out of jail. She says she has a great thing going with me ( I make good money, provide for her, am not a drug addict, have a stable job, etc.)

Am I just convenient? I don't know what to do, I know she still loves him and wants to be with him. I love her with all my heart, but I'm not going to go through life being number two in her life.

Maybe shes just confused? I remember my first lover, you get a lot of different feelings you've never felt before and its hard to forget them.

Don't know what to do, love her but don't want to leave her.

Answer 1

She's taking your heartfelt commitment to her for granted. That's a

shame. You definitely need to tell her that you will not stand for

being number two- You're her husband for Pete's sake.

Answer 2

Try hanging in there for a little while longer.   Give yourself a date in a few months time when you will revisit the subjece and forget about it, if you can, in the interim.  You may be right, there's something we can all pine about re our first loves.  This guy sounds no good and will drag her down with him.  Just be the man you are and then revisit your feelings in a few months.

Answer 3

You ARE number two in her life.  As soon as this guy gets out, she'll be gone.  You need to let her go and find someone who loves YOU the way she loves him.

Answer 4

A lot of times women use the wrong words when it comes to love, so it may not mean what it sounds like.

What it sounds like to me is that she's bored and looking for some excitement. that's the draw of the bad boy. You might try adding a little bad boy attitude yourself. Add a little mystery or excitement. Some sort of diversion to get her mind off what's his name. Start thinking creatively and come up with something. It might be something that she doesn't even know has anything to do with you. Just something to occupy her mind.

Whatever you do don't be all sensitive and sweet at a time like this! No sissy boy! Her signals are all that she's got too much of that nice security. She needs a little insecurity / adventure. Start dressing and acting with a bit of attitude. Not too much, so she doesn't notice it consciously, just a bit and slowly ratchet it up and see how she reacts.

You might want to read "The art of seduction" by Robert Greene or google things like "bad boys" and do some research to learn a bit about how our minds work.

Good luck tiger!

Answer 5

Sounds so dangerous.....hmm, well i don't know, if this guy gets out, and she leaves you for him, Can you handle that? Why are you even messing around with a woman still strung up on someone? I cant tolerate that. Well, do it the way people react to things like this these days, get out while you can and tell her you cant be with her anymore......that is looking out for yourself, and truly from the way things are today, you're watching out for yourself. Get it man?

Answer 6

I'm sorry for the pain you're experiencing but you need to think about this very carefully. You love her but don't want to leave her. Many people feel this way regardless of how they are being treated. If any woman (wife or not) told me she loved another man, I'd be gone before she could finish her sentence. I don't believe it's worth fighting for a person who doesn't love you. If this guy wasn't in jail, she would have already cheated on you. Find a woman that truly loves you and there won't be a man alive that has a shot with her.

Answer 7

You know what to do, but it's just to heartbreaking to do it. You can either go on putting up with the rejection (because she's still in love with the loser and that's why she's dissing you) or get it over with and make the break. We all make mistakes in choosing the right mate. It can happen to anyone. Now, ten years ago I would of told you to just be patient she'll eventually see what a loser he is and come running back to you. Now, years past, I would tell you to find someone that you know truly loves you and only you. It's soooo much nicer that way. Anyone who is dabbling in the past is one I would send back. I would also not settle for someone that makes you their last priorty (or even that).  Just because your married and it feels like a failure to end it is no excuse to not do it. You shouldn't have to go around sad and rejected like that.  

Answer 8

if she is Questioning that there is a problem, its not right for her to do that.. she should be with u. and if she loves someone else there is something wrong...

you should leave her if she loves him move on.. there are better women out there

Answer 9

Sounds to me like she is hung up on and and no its not fair to you if she really cared about you then she would leave him and his family be and move on. I am sorry she is acting like that you deserve better and no you shouldn't be number 2 i would move on and find someone who will treat you better and be there for you. she cant live in the past if you her future were what she really wanted!

Answer 10

I would not leave her because of that she cares about an old friend. Not much, but a bit, I would even help her. Not only sexual love may knot ppl together. There are fraternal love, sister-brother love, kid-age mate's love, even motherly love, and several others. That man is a lost person. And the real fraternal love cares about the actually lost friend too. She is living with you, I am sure of that she declared several times she loves you. You must let her to care about that person who was her good mate when they were 14-15 yo kids. I find her care humanitarian and nice.  

Answer 11

dude dump her NOW before he gets out and she dumps you for him. its easier on the heart. its going to happen.

Answer 12

good money equals a good job and you know what to do.. for better or worse .. you need to tell her how you feel. and be there for her.she does need to let him go. if she doesn't it will be a hard road for you both. in other words she needs to let go and work on her own marriage and her life with you.. let her have her space. tell her you trust her if she's feeling anything for this guy you need to know where you stand. be firm and be there for her.

Answer 13

YUP you are a convenient and I have to say alot of people on here have ex's in their past and once we are married we really dont go back to visit them. So that is very suspect. So you remember your frist love, so when have you gone back to visit? You havent. So I think you need to follow your instinct, I think you are right. I hope you have the strength to make a good decision for yourself and financially take care of yourself instead of her. Its not too late for an anullment and divorce. Give yourself a chance to find someone who loves you and wants you to be their number one.