Should I leave or should I stay?

Question

I've been with this girl for nine years and we have a son together she has two daughters 11 & 13 with diffrent fathers. I have asked her to marry me and she said yes 2 times and then changed her mind and for the third time she said yes but wanted to talk with the kids she talked with them and I guess they didn't like the I dea , so she changed her mind again and right now I feel so out of place and really leaning towards leaving but I love them all as if they where my own, but I am tired of waiting and feel as though there is no commitment here any advice?

Answer 1

Tell her how you feel. And tell her you are not waiting forever. Let her know that she and the kids are your world and you want to make things right-- a complete family. Nine years is a long time and I can see your point. If she does not come around in a reasonable amount of time, then you decide if you want to stay. Good luck. More guys should be like you.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing, maybe you should all sit down and talk about it together with the kids. Reassure the kids that you are not trying to take the place of thier father but tell them how you feel about them, that you love them and see them as part of your family. Me and my fiance talked about our marriage with my kids and they have accepted him and we appreciate all the things that he does for us. She can not let her kids make these choices for her.

Answer 3

your first mind is usually right. if you have done and gave everything to this woman and her children and they're still not reciprocating, then leave. ask her what it is she's waiting for. if she can't give a legitimate answer then hit the dusty trail not unless you really want to work it out. even though it hurts; sometimes you have to leave the ones you love

Answer 4

Give it a little time. If she won't marry you in a few months, you should probably leave.

Answer 5

Maybe she's having a hard time with this decision because of her kids or maybe she is using these kids as an excuse.  Why don't you mention in front of the whole family if it wouldn't make her mad and see what happens.  There you will learn the truth and see if your just wasting your time.

Answer 6

If you don't mind having her for a girlfriend forever, then stay. If you want more for your life, a commitment, a family, a promise to love and be loved forever, and someone who is not afraid to grow old with you, then let her know it. If she continues to say that she doesn't want what you want, then you two are on different pages and you need someone who is on the same page. Nine years is a long time and I can imagine how hard this is for you. I wish the both of you well.

Answer 7

9 years is a long time to stay with a person where u don't really know that there's a future.give her one last chance, then leave. its not fair to u,or your son.she isn't treating u fairly, not wanting to commit is telling u that maybe she doesn't feel the same about u as u do her.the kids should not be able to decide this, its between u and her.

Answer 8

Well i have no idea if this will help you at all but my aunt and uncle have been together ever since i was a baby (i am now 18) and they haven't gotten married and there aren't really any plans of it. If you really love her and them, talk to her and see if there is a commitment there and see where that takes you.

Answer 9

So you've been with this woman for 9 years, and you have a son together. She has two daughters from previous relationships 11 and 13, So you've been with the daughters relativily speaking since they were 2 years old and 4 years old.

RIGHT???

And I take it you all live together under one roof, right?

This means you are the most stable thing she and those kids have.

Do the daughters have any kind of relationship with the fathers???

If you are living together, basically you are married, just not formally.

Don't sweat it.

Take the daughters out on a Sunday afternoon to a nice little fancy luncheon where they have to dress up, and you have to put on a tie.

Make it fun, only the three of you.

Dont sweat it.

Did you know that Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn have been together over 20 years and still haven't married?

However, if you all have different/ separate housing and you date....

take your son get custody, and start making her work towards keeping you.

Answer 10

Get out of there right now!  Don't wait another minute. She is using you for her own purposes. I mean it! Get away from her! Too many other fish in the sea.

Answer 11

its obvious u want 2 really marry this women, but its probably not that she doesn't want 2 marry u, the kids are probably worried your going to try n be there father. talk 2 her about it n tell her how u feel that's the only way a decision can b made for u

Answer 12

If you have been together 9 years she defenetly loves you. But she feels like her kids opinion counts also, but what she doesn't know is that an 11 and 13 year old kid can't make grown up decisions! she can't leave the big decisions like this up to her kids. Leave for a couple of days with the excuse that you have to think things through because she wount marry you, while you are gone, she will see how important it is to you that you are commited, and miss you, and her kids will see that too, and they will see her missing you and most likely change their minds

Answer 13

Dear Bouncer..

The best thing for all concerned for the time being is to stay put. I wouldn't think you would want to be married to someone that has so much uncertainty about herself. She may be to afraid of a permanant commitment. That shouldn't alter the feelings you say you have for her and the kids. I don't believe in staying in a bad relationship for the ( so-called) benefit of the kids. It can actually be more damaging. Just take some of the pressure of insisting on marriage for now. Maybe she will warm up to you and say yes and really stick to it. Marriage doesn't necessarily make life any easier than it is now. It's probably going to add to the strees you are already feeling.  Give it some more time. What's the rush? She may be on the other hand never ready.  This is a call only you can make.

Good Luck,

Marseille

Answer 14

your best bet is to tell her how you feel and express your concerns, tell her that youve asked her 3 times now and she has changed her mind, tell her that you guys should get married for the kids if anything. The daughters with the other fathers might not approve as much but you guys have a son who should be raised with a father and two married parents.

idk man i hope everything works out for the best