Should I let her quit?

Question

My 14 year old daughter has always loved younger children and she volunteered with a program called parks and rec. She thought that she would be working with children, but she is telling me that the staff make all the volunteers do chores, like cleaning the restrooms, cleaning up after snack and lunch, cleaning out the refrigerator, and not spending any time helping with actual children. She said that this is not what she signed up for and she wants to quit. I think that this is character building and that she should stay. I told her I won't let her quit. She tells me that I am being stupid and unfair; that since she is just a volunteer that she should be able to choose to stop volunteering and that it isn't the same thing as being a staff. I thought I was right, but maybe I am being unfair, what do you guys think?

Answer 1

If she is unhappy and miserable there then what is the point in making her stay.  You should let her quit this  time and explain to her that she needs to better check into these things before making a commitment and that you aren't going to let her quit if it happens again.  Then at least she won't be miserable and she gets a fair warning as well.

Answer 2

well mabey she is right if she signed up to help children and be part of the staff and not clean all day well she would be right there you are right about character building but also how she sees it is she shouldnt have to do somthing she didnt sign up for it is like getting a job and her going to work in a daycare but never taking care of the kids it is kind of like a job so mabey you should talk to her about what you should do and explain to her that even though she doesnt like the job it doesnt mean she should quit and then you should go up there and talk to someone and ask them why the description of the volunteer work is different then what it said and you are right about character building but talk to her and work somthing out

Answer 3

Let her quit. Wouldn't you quit a job that didn't meet your expectations or wasn't what was promised? There are plenty of other jobs where she can actually work with young children. She can be a mother's helper, a junior camp counselor, etc.

Answer 4

Perhaps you can contact the program director and find out the tasks that the volunteers are expected to do.  If it is possible for her to take on more of the duties of those directly caring for the children, then great.  

If not, then these activities are still part of taking care of children.  Your daughter may not be doing what she thought she would be doing in regards to child care, but these are character building activities.  If she can demonstrate that she can clean up afterwards without much complaining, then she will show that she is capable of handling more responsibility, perhaps by being more involved in direct childcare at a later time.

Most places you must start from the bottom up and build your way up to where you want to be.  Very rarely in life are we ever placed exactly where we want to be at the start.

When your daughter gets older, she will need to be able to endure and to work through things that she may not like doing.  If she does not learn how to take care of these things now, it will be more difficult when she gets older and must take on more responsibilities as an older teenager and later as an adult.

You are not being unfair in the slightest.  Stick to your guns, and be the parent you were created to be.  She may not like you very much at first, but years later she'll thank you for it, in some way, shape, or form.

Answer 5

let her quit , and try to find a better place to volunteer where she would want to be ,

bc its not like a job she's volunteering.

Answer 6

Stick to your guns,she needs to learn how to follow through with her choices.It will help her make better decisions in the future.

Answer 7

i say let her quit. then help her find something where she will be working with the kids one-on-one.  she obviously wants to work with kids, not be a janitor.

Answer 8

Well first teach her that running away isn't the way to solve a problem. I would have her go speak to the person in charge and explain her situation and how she wanted to work with the children. It could be that they didn't realize that and then they would switch things around..problem solved by taking direct action.

If the problem is not solved and they don't let her work with children like she wanted then she can tell them she is going to look somewhere else to volunteer because she wants to gain some experience working with children.

So basically I would allow her to quit but only afgter she tries to deal with the issue directly first.

I would also try and make her see that while volunteer work is voluntary, it's not always about doing something fun, it's about giving for the sake of others, not yourself.

Answer 9

Do not let her quit. Life is FULL of these little misunderstandings and how she deals with this particular one is going to be a major character builder. Whether or not it's what she "signed on for" she is needed there.

Answer 10

I think she should stick it out for the time she agreed to.  Tell her she's paying her dues...when she is old enough to handle the responsibility of a youth summer program (even if she babysits, etc- those programs have regulations regarding the ages of caretakers)...

I think your on the right track! Even if it doesn't make you popular with your daughter.

edit...I like J Len's suggestion!

Answer 11

Well, if she wants to quit let her. She'll realize if it was a mistake or not and will have to live with it. If she thinks she can be grown then let her find her way.

Answer 12

It depends what she's angry about. Is she angry that she's doing chores, or is she angry that she's not working with children?

Answer 13

encourage her to speak with her supervisor about the expectations.  teach her good communication skills instead.

Answer 14

Let her quit.  The very definition of volunteering to do something means that you want to help and contribute.  She wanted to volunteer to help with the kids, not to clean bathrooms. Let her find another program where she can contribute with ease and at her own pleasure!

Answer 15

yes. let her!

Answer 16

I think you should let me quit. I mean it is volunteer work and it is her time.

If you really dont want her to tell her to find another community service thing instead of it.

Answer 17

doing janitorial work isn't character building. interacting with children and other grownups in a somewhat controlled atmosphere where interpersonal skills, problem solving, and discussion occur, now thats character building.

Besides, she's 14, you don't have the right to stop her from doing what she wants to do...let her find something more suitable to a young lady and discourage her from becoming free labour.

Answer 18

I understand you don't want her to quit what she started and I understand she's not happy doing chores that have nothing to do with the children.  I used to work in parks and rec - they should have a janitorial staff responsible for cleaning up.

How's this for a third option:  Give the supervisor of this place a call and express your concern that your daughter volunteered there because of her love for children and you'd like to see her spend more time with actual children.  The supervisor should be able to help you out.  It could also be very meaningful to your daughter that you supported her in this situation.

Answer 19

Its a bit unfair, but what else is she going to do? SO yes its unfair because she is doing physical work that she doesn't want to do. She didn't sign up for that, so why make her do something that isn't what she wants.

Answer 20

i don't know if it is unfair...yet.  i would make sure that this is really happening and then I would allow her to quit only if she asked the "head" staff why she isn't doing the work she signed up for! She may end up doing more appropriate work then. That way she is being proactive about her situation and also being an advocate for herself--Two very important things to learn how to do in the real world.

Answer 21

This doesn't sound like any volunteer program I've ever heard of. The paid personnel is just taking advantage of her. She needs to speak to the person in charge, above the people assigning her work and straighten this mess out before the entire summer and her patience has run out.

Speak up for yourself, that is the only way anyone can fix this.

Answer 22

She is the one who volunteered--so she should be able to quit if she wants to.

Answer 23

If she wants to quit let her, but try to 'guilt trip' her into staying ;)

Hope it works,

Amber and Lola

Answer 24

If she wants to let her quit! Yes u are being stupid.

Answer 25

I would let her quit.  However, you should know that most programs don't let volunteers work with the kids.  Maybe you should let her babysit.

Answer 26

obviously that isnt the right path for her. let her quit. i mean, sure its character building, i agree, but she went there looking for something else. i know i would like some say myself...

Answer 27

Volunteering is supposed to be fulfilling and voluntary and I agree that it is unfair to force her to do unfulfilling work for her vacation.  I'm sure she does enough chores at home already.  If she does not find it fulfilling, it is going to turn her off to volunteering if you continue to force her to do it, and it will cause unnecessary strife between you.  Part of learning to be an adult is learning when things just aren't working for you and moving on.  She was told she would be doing one thing, and she is doing something different.  She wants to move on, and that need to be her choice, just as if she had gotten a paid job being told she was going to do one thing and was doing something else.  Not to mention, she works hard in school all school year.  I can completely understand wanting to do something fun during the summer rather than being stuck cleaning up after people.  You also don't want her to be afraid to try something new in the future for fear that you'll force her to continue even if she hates it - part of being 14 is trying a bunch of different things and gaining experience to learn what you like and what you don't for adulthood.  Believe me, she has now learned an important lesson that will help her throughout life - never take a job without asking about the description.  Make sure to reiterate this lesson so in the future she will ask a lot of questions in a job interview situation and give serious thought to whether or not the job is a good fit before taking it.  If you need her to find something to do during the day, maybe there are other opportunities, day or overnight learning camps, or a paid job that would be available to her.  A paycheck on Friday is a great motivation to do work that otherwise may not seem so great.