Should I let him see him after he gets out of jail?

Question

Well right now my 4 yr old son isn't interested in seeing his real father. He is terrified of him since his last visit with him 2 weeks ago. He calls his baby brothers dad (my fiance) his dad now and says all the time that he is so glad that his new dad loves him. Well anyways...my son's real father went to jail last week on some serious drug charges and won't be out of jail for a long time (between 10 to 30 years I have heard)....the thing I need advice on is after his dad is released from jail...if he for some out of the blue reason wants to see my son (because for the last 4 yrs the only time he has seen my son is when my son begs me to call his dad to go see him...his dad has only called him 2 times in the last year and a half)....but should I let him see his son? Am I obligated? If my son doesn't want to see him will I have to make him? Advice desperately needed...and any one that has knowledge of the visitation laws....if you need more information on just how bad of a person his dad is....he physically abused me for the entire 4 yr relationship we had even when I was pregnant...while I would be holding my son after he was born....since I left him in 2005 he has had 4 girlfriends...all of which he has abused....he torments my son calling him a baby if he cries even if the crying is justified by injury or emotions....and doesn't take care of my son while he is in his care...doesn't give him baths...lets him wander around the neighborhood by himself even though he is only 4 yrs old....if my son has 7 days to stay with his dad-his dad pawns him off on his friends and his relative for at least 5 of those days...and the only time that he is interested in my son is when he has a girlfriend (in my opinion he shows interest more while he has a girlfriend because he wants them to believe that he is a good father....)...last but not least...he pays child support but only because after I didn't recieve any help for the first year and a half I finally took him to court and started getting it out of his checks.....

So if you were in this position....what would you do when he got out of jail and asked to see your son?

Answer 1

It should be up to your son if he wants to see his dad or not when he gets out because your son should be old enough to make that decision for himself.  But I would not let him have custody of him in no way and I would make sure he only had supervised visitations with him.  

Answer 2

I'm pretty sure that now that the father has the drug charge that you can get full custody. Then he has to go through you or the court to be able to see your son. However, if your son wants to see his dad that is his right. You should try to explain to him why you do not want him to see his dad, but try not to make it seem like the dad is a monster even though he was abusive. Also, try to support the relationship that your son has with your fiance so that he has a father figure to turn to and doesn't need his real dad at all. He's only four so he will get used to not having his dad... and now you will have the jail as the excuse for him to not see him for a while.  

Answer 3

If he truly is in jail as you as you he will be, and I pray he is in for the maximum sentence- your son will be old enough to make up his own mind. But what you just told me, I would doubt he would want to, and besides I cannot understand why you would even ask this question. If the father of my son was as abusive to me as you say he was to you (I do believe you)- there would no visitation.

Answer 4

Let him chose,by then your son will be old enough to make that choice for him self.Your sons father might be a better man after he gets out,prison has a way of putting things in perspective.I wouldn't say it if I had not seen it for myself.People changing thing,I have never even gotten a ticket.

Answer 5

For heavens sake-where is your sense of parenting????

Seeing you asked-this guy is a bad influence on any child up to the age of 100years old-what sort of role model would he be providing for "his" child. I hope to h**l your current fiance is a better person than your last choice-children are too precious to become mini-criminals-come on woman-give the kid a chance.

Answer 6

If he is going to be away for 10 to 30 years then I would totally leave it up to your son to decide, he will be old enough to choose if he wants a relationship with his biological father or not but at this point in time he would probably choose never to see his father again and would probably choose to be adopted by your fiance.  

Answer 7

By the time he gets out of jail, your son will be old enough to make a decision. If he want to see his dad, let him.

I know a guy who was arrested on serious drug charges as well. He got 20 years but was out in 1. May want to be careful!

Good luck.