Should I let my 3 year old daughters father and his parents keep her every other weekend?

Question

My daughter is 3 and I have basically did EVERYTHING for her since day one, no help from her father at all. At first I was being dumb to the situation and taking her to him every other weekend for him to spend time with her. That got old real quick, seeing as how he never offered me gas( he lives over an hour away), never bought her hardly anything, and was constantly bitching about the things i chose to do for/with her. I finally had him put on child support a little over a year ago. He got off with only paying $35 a week and i only received 2 months of it....he is nearly $1600.00 behind. I again stopped taking her down there. His parents continuously call me wanting to know when I am going to let her stay with them again. I have told them I don't have a problem with them coming to visit and see her, but I feel that since I'm the one working 80 plus hrs a week to do for both me and her, that she shouldn't stay with them on any weekends anymore. She totally disagreed!!! I haven't spoke to them in a month or so but was thinking that i should at least call them so she can talk to them, but I know they're gonna keep questioning me about me bringing her to them. How should I handle this situation and what should I say to them without being rude? I don't want them to think I don't want them to be a part of her life....please help!!!!!

Answer 1

Maybe have your daughters grandparents come down to you to spend time with her since they want to see her so badly.

Or you can met halfway somewhere but not letting them take her unless you totally feel comfortable.

If they aren't being reasonable about that, then fine let them be.

=]

Good luck.

Answer 2

You don't want them to be part of your life, but they are.

But you didnt' have the child with them, you had the child with their son. They have no right to get upset with you. I would do the same.

If they want to see your daughter, they can travel the hour to see her.

As for their son, till he gets back paying child support, he has no right to see her.  I would take him back to court and a) try to get more support and b) get his wages garnished.

Do what you are doing, don't give in and waste your time and gas driving your daughter to see him and his parents.  If they really want to see her, they would travel the distance to see her.  Seeing that they won't, it doesn't seem they want to see her that bad.

Good luck.  

Answer 3

Every father and set of grandparents have a right to see their child/grandchild unless this puts a child in danger.

If you feel your child may be in danger then start off with visits and days out in which you also attend

Answer 4

Well, My advice would be to let them know what you are saying here, you earn so much money just to waste it on gas, find a cheaper way for you, make the father have to come pick her up, don't let him take advantage of you. If you don't stop now, he will get used to it and expect these things when you find it harder in life, so straighten him out, talk to him and comprimise some how. I have no idea how, Sorry I can't help you there. =/

Answer 5

It seems that Dad wants the fun of having a child without the responsibility.  Wouldn't it be great if it worked that way?  But no, kids cost money and require responsible parents to raise them.  While I wouldn't withhold visitation, insist that it take place at your house.  There's no reason why you should have to fund your ex's visitation, especially when he's barely paid you a dime in child support.  He also hasn't acted like a responsible dad, so he can't expect you to trust him with your daughter.  Stick to your guns, and don't worry about sounding rude.  After all, your ex has been completely disrespectful to you and your little girl by refusing to help care for her.  Oh, and go after him for child support again.  Good luck.

Answer 6

Well for starters  it seems that you have been a great mother to your daughter and that her father has done nothing for her since she was born. There is also nothing stopping his parents supporting you financially or coming down and babysitting in your house for you to have a night out if they really wanted to be involved and see their grandaughter/help you out! I'm pretty sure that until he starts being a real parent and paying up on the child support he has no legal rights anyway so I wouldn't worry on that front. If he and they REALLY want to see your daughter they will make an effort and come to you and otherwise you should just keep on doing the great parenting job you have been!

Answer 7

First of all, stop doing everything. You will burn yourself out.

2- Seriously, if the grandparents wants to see your child, they should make the effort to come to her. And...at your convenience. You're a single-working mom, and I applaud you for that.

Just tell them that you're spending the day with your daughter at home, but they are welcome to come and visit. That way a day and time is set for visitaton.

You can't keep travelling just to please the grandparents. I'm sure spending some time with her at home, wouldn't be a such a bad idea.

Answer 8

Keep saying what you are saying to them, and add, unless you want to help pay for this child, which your son seems to not think is necessary. Keep doing what you are doing, trust me.

AND

I believe when it hits 2,000 back child support, it becomes a felony and he can be arrested.

Answer 9

Offer to bring your daughter down but on one condition. They will have to pay for milege at .44 cents a mile since you are not getting child support. (if you have the time, reiterate the fact that you work 80+ hours to the grandparents)

If it were my grandchild I'd be helping you out finacially, whether you were my daughter or son. It's insane how people expect so much but are not willing to give back. The least they can do is pay milage. My work pays it, why can't they?

As far as child support, you have a few options. If you are making more then he is and you go by state guidelines, most states will have him paying little child support. Wait until he gets a job and he's making half way decent money then have the amount changed. Or you can get a lawyer (which is costly). Or you can have him sign over parental rights and he won't be obligated to pay the $35 a week (yeah that pays for what 1 1/2 days worth of  food, big spender!). Tell him if he doesn't want to support her when you marry your husband will adopt her.

Answer 10

Unless they are a danger to your child they have a RIGHT to see her and spend time with her. This is n ot about money or YOUR relationship with the father. Its about the child. You wouldnt like her to grow up not knowing her father. And will go looking for him as soon as she understands. She may even hold resentment towards you about it.

Answer 11

"Unless they are a danger to your child they have a RIGHT to see her and spend time with her. This is n ot about money or YOUR relationship with the father. Its about the child. You wouldn't like her to grow up not knowing her father. And will go looking for him as soon as she understands. She may even hold resentment towards you about it."

Completely agree with this poster--plus--if there is a court order about child support is there one about visitation?  you don't want to be in violation at all--then you start looking like the unfit parent--no matter how far behind he is in payments!  I'd bite the bullet, smile sweetly and do whatever you can to facilitate the relationship until your daughter is 18 and then tell him to go **** himself--sideways--with a plunger............

Answer 12

firstly get the court involved- he should be paying child support and refuse to drive her anywhere unless they pay for gas and take her home.... If they refuse tell them they have to work out how they will see her and say until child support is paid there is no way they will be seeing her...