Should I let my children play with these kids? What would you think of the mom?

Question

My 2 children ages 8 and 5 have friends that are siblings. Same age, same gender. I am not comfortable with having my children go to others houses especially when I don't know anything about the parents. So every time my kids want to have a play date we invite the kids to our house. Recently they invited my kids over. They just moved to.. I don't know where, but I know its out of school bounds. I don't want to say no because I dont want to be rude but. All I know is the mom just had a baby there is no dad. Oh wait they have a dad but from what my 5 yr old says he is in jail..Whaaa. Yes, that's right JAIL.. When I ask all I get from my son is something about gunshots. VERY SCARY. I dont know if the mom is still involved with this man, I do know she just had a baby from him. That's involved enough to me. Where do I draw the line on personal info? Should I inquire of the status or would it be rude? Should I judge the mom because of her taste in men? I dont want my children in danger.

Answer 1

So the man is in jail...that doesn't make him or the mother of his kid s dangerous.  He could be in jail for non payment of .   support, tax evasion etc. Since you don't know these people you really have no right to judge them or their children.  Why he is in jail is none of YOUR business unless your children are to go to the jail on visitation with him.  As for whether you allow your children to go play with the kids, since they've been in your home it is too late for you to say no to your children haviing them as friends.  I see no reason not to allow your children to go play.

Answer 2

maby the mother is the victim of those gun shots. cant really judge her just because she has a baby by is guy who is in jail NOW.  perhaps she got pregnant BEFORE he went to jail. and just because there is no dad, does not mean she is somebody to avoid. single mothers do not carry the plague or anything else like that. call her up, ask her if you could talk to her, and tell her your concerns. she might very well tell you. and if the guy is in jail, then your children are safe. and no, you really shouldn't judge a woman by her taste in men. i doubt it if you would like it if it were reversed. all you have to do is tell the woman your concerns. she might be willing to share all her info with you.

Answer 3

Have you tried asking the mother if all the children can come to your house instead? Sounds like it would be a good solution to the dilemma.

Answer 4

Do not take the word of a five year old child...kids that age are not the most reliable reporters of information.

Get to know the mother, see what the household is like.

And remember - you could send your kids to the nicest, most respectful family on the block and the parents could be drug addicts or pedophiles.  So don't be too quick to judge the woman just because she is single.  Even if her husband is in jail.

Answer 5

Call the mom and tell her that you are glad her kids and yours are friends, but that you're not entirely comfortable with them being over there without knowing more about the living situation. Set a date for your kids to go over there with you. While the kids play, you and the mom sit down and have a nice, long chat. Express some of your worries, and just get to know her. Try to get a feel for her lifestyle. Don't worry about being "rude". When it comes to the safety of your children, it's your right to know what kinds of people they will be around.

After getting to know her, then make the decision whether you want your children there anymore. If not, then don't let them go back.

Answer 6

I would ask if I could come too.  Bring some snacks and maybe a small something for the new baby.  That will give you something to talk about, make it less awkward and less like you are trying to check her out - which could make her uncomfortable.  Or you could ask all of them over to your house for lunch so you could meet her.  I don't know many new moms who would turn down a meal!

Answer 7

If it were me I would simply make an excuse of being too busy right now for the invite and when these children come to your home again listen to the other children there responses during simple play can tell you a lot about their home life.

I am speaking from personal experience. My daughter who is 8 has a friend in the neighborhood the same age and as much as I love this little girl I was very afraid to send my daughter to her home for the last three years. What ended up happening is I did some research in local news papers and found out that the mother had been arrested for domestic violence. So I went to the local womens center for a domestic violence meeting and ended up meeting the mother. Within months my daughters friend wasn't in school anymore. She had been placed in a foster home. The next school year though she had returned because the mother was gone by this point and the father had been proven fit. I have since sat and talked to her father and explained my original concerns. He completely understood.

Some may say I was out of line and nosy I say I was protective of my daughter. You never know what can happen in a home of DV.

Answer 8

I don't see why they can't be friends, if you are uncomfortable with your children being at her home tell her so, you have every right to say where you don't want your kids. As for her personal life and who she's having a child with you sound very judgmental and uptight about it, not every relationship works out ... was she supposed to live her life alone after the first two children father skipped out ?

Answer 9

your kids could probably should be able to still go over just get to meett the lady first she is probably real nice its not her faught that her baby dad is in jail who knows she might even talk to him

Answer 10

I have no experience with motherly stuff since I am in my teens.

Anyways, I think maybe when you drive your kids over there, just get out of the car and say "Hello My name is ___ ____. I just wanted to talk to you about a few things. Do you hve a few minutes of your time?"

If she says yes then maybe tell her baby is adorable, and then when she says thank you and stuff ask her where the father/husband is. She could say oh we are divorced or oh he is in jail for ___ years or months. Say " I wanted to just ask because my 5 year old started to tell me." It would be rude, maybe a bit up-in-your face but go with your guts, motherly instinct and ask.

She might feel totally uncomfortable. Just tell her that you just want to know.

After that, if she has a sufficent lifestyle and household to your standards, then let your kids play. Run a few errands then come back to pick them up.  tell her thank you so much so that she will feel better.

Answer 11

Judge away, just don't make it obvious to your kids. It won't do any good for them to think you don't like their friends. Invite them over instead! And most people don't find anything wrong with wanting to know about friends' parents. If they invite your kids over, tell them you'd like to meet their mom first.

Answer 12

I would let my children play with the kids.  I would not let them go over there alone.  I would try to get to know her a bit and make your concerns about you.   Tell her that you are a worry wort and have never left them at a friends house before.  See if you can come to, or invite them to the park so you can get to know the mom or just have them to your house.

Answer 13

I don't think you're asking too much of her if you want a few details about the man in her life. You are supposed to protect your kids-any mom can relate to that and she should'nt be offended by your questions. My kids can't go down the block and we go to church with their classmates! Still, you never know what's really going on in someone else's house. Trust your gut instinct...your motherly intuition. My kids are 4 and 7 and are'nt allowed to go anywhere or do anything w/out me knowing whatever I want to know! I don't care how personal the question may feel and I expect other parents to ask the same of me so they feel safe letting their kids come to my house! You're in charge!!!!!

Answer 14

I suggest meeting the mother first. She may be a wonderful person who has made a few mistakes. You should get to know the mother before you stop your kids from hanging out with their friends. This way you gave her a fair chance.

Answer 15

no dad? dad in jail? gunshots? you dont want to hurt anyones feelings? hey i was a single mom with 2 little girls , and if anyone had said anything about jail and  gunshots  the he** with hurting feelings the kid aint going why would you even consider putting your kid in a situation like that hey we all have skeletons in our closet but some you dont want to deal with as a person on the outside looking in