Should I let my cousin help me plan my wedding?

Question

She has her own business, though I have never seen her work. She says she can help me plan and cut costs in places. I am thinking about letting her because she says she wont charge me because we are family. But I dont want the fact that I am not paying to make things more difficult (like her not showing up to things or helping me like she promises because she is not getting paid). She is a reliable person I would say. But I dont want things to get awkward. She seems like she does want to help since she offered in the first place, but i am nervous. How do I tell her she better not fu-- my wedding up with out hurting or offending her????

Answer 1

The best thing to do is have a frank discussion with her to set expectations.  Tell her that you appreciate her offer as a professional and want to know exactly what she'll do and what will be left to you so that there will be no confusion as the planning process continues.

Wedding planners have contracts with their clients so she's used to this.  You should have something similar, albeit perhaps less formal.

Answer 2

first of all Congratulations!

ask her to help in certain places in which you are unsure of what to do.

for example the marriage permit procedure.

i am in the same industry as your cousin and i have helped out with many of my families weddings but i only offer to help with things they may not understand.

remember that although you are great ful for her help it's your day

Answer 3

You don't tell her that. She is doing you a favor. You are not paying her, so if she doesn't show up for meetings...that is not something that should be held against her. Did you plan on hiring a wedding planner if she didn't offer? If so...suggest you pay her (at a discounted rate) and sign a contract. If you did not plan on hiring a planner, accept her help but plan on still doing the work yourself. Good luck.  

Answer 4

Have your mother or father (whoever's side she on in the family) go with you to your appointments with her. Call her often to make sure things are on schedule. If she seems to be less interested in YOUR wedding than in the ones of paying clients, make other arrangements just in case.

Answer 5

Oh....I don't know.

Tread VERY LIGHTLY.  

~ Do you want things out of your control?

~ What about hearing months down the road....."I did all this work for her...and now she doesn't like it!!"

I don't know.  Wedding planning brings out the "bridezilla" in everyone sometimes....not just the bride.

Definitely have your own ideas and maybe she can help you locate something cheaper....but don't lose control of what YOU want.  She may turn it into what she wants.....so be very, very careful!

Answer 6

Nah, just do it yourself. That way you KNOW there will be no s***w ups.

Answer 7

tell her just that jokingly. get her to laughing about sumthing and tell her if u s***w this up i'll and start laughing don't even finish it. if she is struggling with groceries or nething then pay it for her. just show up at the lite company and pay her bill. that's what ur money would go 4 neway. or when u visit leave a 50 behind a pillow on the couch. u still pay her, just by being sneaky about it.  congrats and good luck!!!!!

Answer 8

I have mixed feelings about this question and the answers that I have been reading.  I basically planned my cousin's entire wedding, not because that's what I do for a living but because she knew I would be good at it.  Of course, I didn't charge her anything, and never in a million years would I have intentionally blown her off or flaked out on her because I wasn't making anything from it.  Family helps family, at least that's how things work in my family, what kind of messed up family do people belong to that someone can't even accept a nice gesture from a family member without thinking there are ulterior motives?

Answer 9

Let her know that you will appreciate any help she can give you.  Don't totally rely on her though.  If she has her own business than that will come first and you will be secondary.

After all it is her livelihood   Be prepared to go to meetings without her. Then you won't be disappointed when she is unable to go.  After all it is your wedding and you should have the last say on every decision so if it gets screwed up it will fall on you not her. You alone have the power to veto.

Answer 10

In my experience, I have known family to disappoint me at some point. It is very sweet of your cousin to help you plan the wedding, but I would tell her that you cannot allow her to do it without paying her for her services.

I had something similar with my fiance's family doing the music for my wedding. They had a family "affair" come up and now they can't do the music. There is only a few more weeks until my wedding. My fiance and I had to scramble to get some music together for the wedding and the reception.

If your cousin is willing to accept payment from you ahead of time, or better yet sign a contract with you, I think it would be a great idea. Otherwise, I would find someone else that you know you can rely on.