Should I let my daughter speak to her father?

Question

Her father has never sent me any child support, never comes around to see her, when they do talk on the phone she gets really depressed after the phone call. If she does not speak to him she is fine. I took him to court but there is no use its either put him in jail or send him back to his country. I have refrain from doing those things. I just don't want my daughter to be depressed for days or trouble by the fact that he calls and says things that make her feel sad. What do you think?

Answer 1

Your relationship with your daughter's dad is not HER relationship with him.  You shouldn't discuss the details of YOUR relationship with her, or bad mouth him in front of her.  She should be free to build a relationship with her father, unless he is abusive or manipulative - then, conversations and visits should be supervised.  She should be free to decide for herself if her dad is a positive influence in her life or not.  It upsets me that some parents bad mouth the other to 'defend' themselves, and share information that has no positive effect on their kids.  When they don't get child support they tell their kids, and use them to pressure their other parent for it.  It's so damaging.  If she asks you a question, don't lie to her, but don't tell her more than she will benefit from knowing.  There are a lot of reasons she could be upset after talking to her dad - ask her.  It might not be something he says that upsets her.  Separation and divorce, and missing a parent affects kids - if you love her, support her relationship with her dad as long as it is positive (even if she still feels sad) and HEALTHY.  God bless.