Should I let my elderly father move in with us?

Question

This is the situation: I'm married, 6 months pregnant and also have a 3 y.o. toddler. We just bought a house (rather small) 2bd 1 br and we don't have a lot of money and are in process of moving boxes. My old dad (87 lives in Russia--I'm only 26) insists on moving in with us immediately. Stats: my dad has his own apartment in Moscow and has free medical care and secured pension. But he is lonely and wants to live with me. He has NOT taken a shower or washed his clothes for years and has no intention to begin, he has loads of cockroaches in his Russian apartment. He is loud and opinionated and VERY demanding and not very understanding. Considering we have a baby on the way and are super busy with our lives, is it a good idea to let him come and stay with us? My biggest conciderations are: dynamics in our family--my husband is American and very neat and quiet, medical insurance--my dad is neither a citizen nor on a green card and we don't have much money to pay private insurance. Worry about our house getting SUPER dirty VERY quickly.

Why I would concider doing it: he has no one else in Russia--my parents are divorced and my mom lives by herself and is pretty happy there. It's a child's duty to take care of old parents. During our recent phone conversation he called me a worthless daughter, selfish and mean toward her father. What should I do??

Thanks!

Answer 1

It sounds to me like hi is better off where he is. I understand he is lonely, but he has everything he needs there. I know it is a hard decision to make for you. I know he did not mean the things he said to you. He is just trying to get you to let him come and stay with you.  

Answer 2

I believe we DO have an obligation to help take care of our parents, but you need to consider your own family, too.  Having your dad live with you now will be so very hard on everyone.  How can you help him and still have him in his own home?  Does he have a computer?  You could get set up with a video and visit him that way.  Time difference may be a problem.  Do you have any brothers or sisters?  Sorry, that's a hard one to figure out.  I wish you the best of luck in your decision.