Should I let my mom/family get in the way of our relationship?

Question

I have been with the same guy for 2 years and 3 months on and off. We have a beautiful 4 1/2 month old daughter named Layla. I want things to work between her father and I and he does as well. The thing is, is my family hates him. He hasnt had a steady job for a long time until recently. He is currently with out a home because he was renting a house from his brother and it went to forclosure. My guy didnt know until the bank came to change the locks (his bro was too embarrassed to tell him)...He litrally had 12 hours to vacate the property. He now has a good steady job that he enjoys and earns a good income. Sometimes we dont get along the best (who does) but I feel like I should give it another shot. We have been split up now since the first week in June. I have talked to him several times and we argee that we should try really hard to make this work. I live with my mom because of the baby and I also have a really bad spinal injury that prevents me from working at this time and into the forseeable future. He told me what he makes per hour and it is enough to support he and I and our baby (or a few more ;)). This last spring he and I were thinking about moving in together and we looked at a few houses. One of the houses we looked at I fell in love with. He has talked to several morgatge brokers about getting a loan for the house. (Its stll undecided). I have very deep feelings for him and I miss him every day. I miss doing things together and him being able to see our daughter. He has not seen her but a few times since she was 2 months old. He and my mother got into a big fight over me, and she told him that he was never allowed on our property again. He has snuck over here a few times to see Layla while my mom was at work, but I dont like to decieve my mom either. I want to give it a shot and see what happenes, but my family, especially my mom would be very dissappointed in me if I did. I am so torn. Any advice out there?

Answer 1

I'm 18, nearly 19 myself! This guy sounds like a class A loser. Sorry but it's true, his age and not being settled is a total joke and I don't blame your mum for being worried. I'm afraid since you had his baby, you can't move on from this. You only got to hope he mans up and starts seeing his baby more and really puts his feet on the ground.

He's also strange for getting a 19yr old girl pregnant, what can't handle women his own age?  

Answer 2

Since you posted your age and his I had to change my answer. I can understand why your mother and your family is upset. I would guess that you were dating and while you were under age. He should have been working his whole life. He had a pregnant girlfriend and then a baby but still did not work. You really need to rethink this and make sure you are making the right decision. That being said, the choice is still yours and you should not let them dictate what you do. You have to do what makes you happy and what is best for your baby.

Answer 3

Never let anyone else run your life for you. Sometimes you just gotta tell people how it's going to be and if they cannot accept that, then that's their issue, not yours.  

Answer 4

Your family is right, unfortunately they are too late since you already had a kid with the guy. Already 38 and no stability???? Started dating you when you were about 18??? You have a responsibility to your child right now to have a stable safe home. He hasn't shown he can do that. I say stay where you are, and try to work out things with him for at least the next year to see how it goes. If he maintains his job, gets a suitable home and can sustain the costs/payments, contribute to the care of you and your child, and the two of you can get along in a mature manner, then consider moving in together. Ever think that the reason he hooked up with an 18 year old was because you were too young and naive to see his flaws?? If he is able to demonstrate these things, this may also help your family to accept him later on.

Answer 5

i can understand your mothers concerns but until you both, decide on whats best for the future of you both and your child. things are never going to work out. you both should set down and make plans and put them into action before doing anything else. when everything is in order then set your mom down and tell how you feel. if she tells you that you wont have a place to come back to, maybe its best to stay away until you can get your life back in order. but you will never know unless you spread your wings and fly out of the nest. just maybe he will keep his job and if he doesn't he can all ways find another. but if your relationship has to deal with drugs and drinking its best to go your separate ways.my mother sounds like the same type of person. she loves to be in control and make all the decisions. if you cant talk with her, write her a letter when you both can be situated in the same home as a family, then pack your bags and let her know that she is loved but you have to grow up some time. if it fails, it fails. that's what life is all about, trial and error and sometimes its a lot of error. but until you try you will never know and you will never be happy, because one day if you don't spread your wings and fly away, you will all ways resent listening to your mother and not being able to make your own choices, and living a miserable life blaming her. even if its not her fault if things don't work out, you can all ways ask for her forgiveness.  as you know being a mother is very hard and sometimes its hard not to interfer. good luck!

Answer 6

Well, I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation.  Here's the honest truth: Your boyfriend is a full-grown man, not a young guy in his late teens or his twenties.  He has already chosen his path for life, and he's probably not going to change.  At his age, dating someone your age is very inappropriate, and to get you pregnant, and then not work, it says a lot about who he is.  Your mom is just trying to protect your best interests- she's not trying to ruin your happiness.  She has had a lot of life experiences, and I would trust her judgment.  I know that this isn't what you want to hear, and I'm sorry, but it's the truth.  You have been ok for the last 2 months without him, and I suggest that you not mess it up by going back to him.  But if you do decide to go back, you shouldn't be surprised if he ends up quitting or losing his job and not getting another one.  When someone shows you who they are BELIEVE THEM!!!  Good luck!!!