Should I let my spouse of 27 years see anyone he wants?

Question

He has a secret friend and he has not told me about her. I hear him speaking to her on phone at night. I have asked him about this and he just gets angry. I would have thought after 27 years of marriage there would be no secrets.

Answer 1

That sounds like a pretty scary situation. I mean the mere fact that he is getting angry...could mean something. And what do you mean "see anyone he wants?"  

Answer 2

first of all you have a right to know!!! dont settle for anything less...and if he is getting angry he is probably hiding something.

Answer 3

Completely unacceptable...

Why are YOU Tolerating this??

Unbelievable...

You deserve better. Stand up for yourself and demand the respect that you rightfully deserve as a wife of 27 years!

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think your right,there's something fishy,try to find the woman's phone number and ask her maybe if he wont talk,she will.

Answer 5

Sounds like she's more than a friend.  If you want him sleeping with her, sure let him see her.. if not, then dont.  

Answer 6

I think that is horrible and would never put up with it.  He should only be with you and you only.  File for divorce.

Answer 7

That is crazy.....he is having an affair, whether it be in body or mind, but that is not right.  If he can't stop, divorce him.

Answer 8

Well, it seems to me that you are quite insecure to have been married for 27 years. How do you know who he is talking to? How do you know he's up to no good? Innocent until proven guilty!! if he leaves he leaves, you've got enough life knowledge to pick up and move on. Go get your self a young rich investment banker or just sit there and complain to yahoo answers. Your choice, screaming orgasms and great cocaine or this....tough one.

Answer 9

yeah, thats why your still married after 27 years is cause of all the secrets....27 years is a long time! surely you must feel like siblings by now so divorce should come easy! this is not his first time doing this, have you been 100 p faithfull? t*t for a tat, and pay him back...dont throw 27 years down the drain for someone who has nothing on you,....goodluck

Answer 10

No, you shouldn't.  You should definitely talk to him about it directly, but in doing so, remember that men don't just go outside of their marriage for nothing.  He's missing or needing something he's not getting from home.  

When was the last time you had s*x with him?  If you can't remember, or it's been longer than a month, you might start by working to have a sexual relationship with him again.

Start giving him what he needs, and you'll probably get the fidelity you need too.  

Answer 11

she's probably just a secret agent in the cia or something and works with your husband, so she's probably sleeping with him too

Answer 12

Secret friend my behind.

More like a secret piece of tail. Come on my dear. I can't believe any woman is this naive after 27 years of marriage.

Answer 13

I would say unless you want an open relationship ,then give him permission to see other people. As well you will do the same. But if your already on to him in suspicion, don't you think he has already done something without you? Ask you r self how far are you willing to go to keep this marriage.Its really up to you.

Good luck.

Answer 14

It sounds like he's cheating, and if he is, leave him. You deserve better.

Answer 15

It sounds like he's having an affair and is getting angry to throw you off the scent. If he loves you he should be honest with you and care about your feelings

Answer 16

It's his girlfriend silly.

Answer 17

He is cheating. Divorce him, you can do better. If he calls her there is more to it.

Answer 18

the only secret here is that he's having an affair with her.  if he's speaking on the phone with a woman later at night, and he gets defensive when you ask about it...that does not bode well. confront him about it.  tell him you want to know everything and you insist upon counseling.

Answer 19

Honey , let me tell you this , never ever let your husband see other women !! I was married to a man for almost 20 years and he cheated on me more times than I can count and after awhile I just let him and slept alone. That was the wrong thing to do. I did not try to fight for my marriage anymore because it did not work the first three affairs and I thought I could live with him "loving me" and sexing them , but it almost destroyed me . It hurt so bad and yes I was stupid for staying .If he gets angry then he is embarrassed you found out and you need to confront him and have it out with him . Trust me letting him cheat is not the answer . I know you love him and yes it will hurt if he chooses random s*x over a stable marriage , but you can and will survive and there are good men out there in this world willing to put an effort to love their wives and ONLY their wives forever and ever ! I Know because I found one and am very Blessed . Of course  there should be never be secrets between married couples ever no matter how small they are .  Have it out with him and make him decide you or her . It is the only way to get this cleared . I really wish you good Luck and May God Bless you .  

Answer 20

NO! That's not the point of marriage. Marriage is a union of two people, not two and a couple on the side. After 27 years, he owes you the decency of telling you who he is speaking to. It's not fair on you otherwise, and you should not stand for it. On the other hand you may have got the wrong idea, its best to sit down and have a long talk. Again if he gets angry try marriage counselling that might help.

Answer 21

You could say fight fire with fire, or what's good for the goose is good for the gander.  Either way it's time for you to get a secret friend.  Hook up with me baby.  We could get together over a coffee or beer and discuss why you don't need to but up with this garbage.

Answer 22

It's not a secret if you know about it. Too bad if he get angry, confront him and tell him to knock it off. Decide before you do this if the marriage is worth saving, if it isn't it's time to leave him with his secrets.

Answer 23

It's not a secret friend honey it's called a secret affair. He is obviously leading two lives. File for divorce ASAP