Should I let the kids parents know I am not a saint?

Question

My life has pretty much sucked to the extreme up till a month ago. (and I ain't no princess complaining that mommy won't pay for my car). Basicaly I ran away enough times and my parents were always drunk that I got my self placed in foster care. (and eventualy they turned over their rights) Then I was the child from h**l. I smoked, snuck out, shop lifted. Did I mention I am 13, I havn't touched any of those things again and don't plan to.But then another foster family decided to try and tame me. But they were good and now they have started the adoption process. Well here is enough background on me to bore you to death. I started karate about 6 months ago. I liked it, the instructors were able to help me with ALL my problems, and I could actually pretend that I am normal. I never directly lyed to the parents. Thy think I am such a saint that I do community service- I only started because I was forced to, yeah I finished the required hours a month ago, and keep going because I like to volunteer at the animal shelter, but I never would have gone in the first place if I wasn't forced. I hear the parents say all the time to their little kids "Why can't you be more like her, I bet she never talked to her mother that way". Its just I am no rolemodel for young kids. Yeah I got my life going and that but why when there are so many REAL people. Should I tell them or just enjoy it?

Answer 1

If you live in the past you will die a little everyday! The past is the past......it is no longer relevant to who you are now. People change and it sounds like you have made some really great changes.

You were dealt a pretty hard hand to play. Who is anyone to judge why you did the things you used to do? You did them, they are a part of your past......they are not WHO you are they are simply a manifestation of what you had to deal with. Many kids try smoking. Many kids sneak out. Many kids try to shoplift. That does not make you a bad person. That does not mean that you do not deserve praise for the good things you do. You are being really hard on yourself!

You need to forgive yourself. You need to move forward and leave the past behind you. You should be SO proud of yourself! Heck, I am proud of you! You are 13. There is not one person in this world who can say they never did anything they regret. Do not let that regret hold you down. You ARE a good person. YOU DESERVE to be praised and you DESERVE the praise of others. Accept it with pride!

Answer 2

Of course you are not a saint- nobody is. You need to give yourself more credit. The fact that you were able to overcome your difficult past and put your life on track is very impressive. There's nothing wrong with those kids looking up to you.

Don't worry about not being "genuinely good". Most great students wouldn't have started studying if their parents hadn't forced them to do their homework when they wanted to play video games. Most people who volunteer start either because they join a friend who does it, because they were required to so, or because they have an eye-opening experience like meeting a maimed child in India. That doesn't mean they aren't good people, it just means that most people are inert and need a kick in the butt to get them going.

Just keep doing what you're doing, and enjoy it.

Answer 3

You know, penicillin and some inventions were discovered by complete accident.  Does that mean that Alexander Fleming should not be credited by his discovery, just because he didn't "set out" to find it.  You'll find out that life has a weird way of working itself out sometimes.  Everything that happened in your past, made you the person you are today.  People learn in different ways.  Be thankful that you've got the smarts to realize a good thing when you've got it going on.  

There's no reason to let the other kids know about your past.  That's your personal history and only your business.  Besides, they like you for who you are.  You'll find that if you try to live too much in the past or even planning the future, you will completely miss the present.

Answer 4

Why aren't you a role model?

I think someone who has overcome problems and found something they love - (And hopefully you do think you're turning your life around and on the right track now) - are absolutely brilliant role models!  

You would be an inspiration to kids who can see you can start off on the wrong track but get yourself onto the right track.

Enjoy it.  I would say tell them and explain how things have changed for you for the better and that you intend to keep it that way.

Also, the fact you had such a difficult time is the result of the bad start you had in life....you've been able to work through that because of your new foster parents and finding something that you love to do.  Don't be hard on yourself and think that you are a bad person or something, because you clearly aren't.  Its great you dont want to go back to all those things - it shows that you are a good person who can grow up and really achieve something.

And if you've found something you love to do then its great to make it a permanent part of your life.

Answer 5

I used to be a lot like you as a kid...I had it rough. As an adult you would never know it. I keep my past to myself because it is not how I am today. There are some things that my husband doesn't know, and doesn't need to know. They aren't going to affect him, so it doesn't matter. Besides that, when a person loves you they love you for who you are, not who you were.

I don't think it would be wrong if you kept your past to yourself.  

Answer 6

You aren't lying to anyone if this is who you are NOW.  And really, I find it all the more impressive that you were down at the bottom, especially at such a young age, and you've climbed back to the top and become a better person for it.  People a lot older than you never get out of it, so yes, very impressive.  Why don't you talk to your foster parents.  I'm sure they've read your record and know your history already, but it might make YOU feel better if you get it off your chest.  Just let them know that this was who I "used" to be, I'm not this person anymore, I just wanted you to know.  As for the other parents and kids, you know, you've worked hard and your past is your past.  You don't have to shout it to the world, that's your personal business.    

You know, is it so hard to accept that you could be considered a good person?  Maybe you haven't heard it before, but from what you've written, humble as it all is, is sounds like yes, you are a good person.    I think in a way your punishing yourself for the way you used to be, but I think you were more a product of what your environment made you rather than a bad evil girl.  You just need to start believing in yourself.  (Lame, but true) and learn how to take some compliments!  Anyway, keep doing what you're doing.      

Last thing, you really are a role model, later on you might want to think about mentoring kids and showing them that yes, you can change.  Best of luck!  

Answer 7

It sounds like you have really turned your life around!  I am proud of you!

I'm sure they already know about your past but you could sit them down and have a mature conversation.  Let them know that you are not proud of your past but you are happy in your new life and you appreciate them and everyone else who has helped you get past the negative in your life.

Good luck!!!!

Answer 8

Your past is your past.  Your behavior today indicates the kind of person you are today.  I hate to tell you, but you're a good kid now.  Enjoy the compliments and continue to be a role model for the younger ones.  The past is history - forget it and live in the present.

Answer 9

If they are adopting you, chances are high that they have been informed of your background.

Answer 10

Past is a word that means that the actions are in the past not the present or the future. If you really changed then just move on and be happy with your new life. If you keep on looking back you might end up starting up these behaviors again.  

Answer 11

i think they know if they wanted to try to tame you.

and they love you for who you really are, not for the mistakes you have made. they was just mistakes and now you have learned from them, to create a better you,  

Answer 12

If there are younger kids, you can tell them your a human, not perfect but you don't want them to think because you did all the stuff they have to too! You can talk to your parents about it, right?