Should I let this go? Problem with child's school.....?

Question

My daughter (age 6) came home crying yesterday. The teacher's aide made her pull a card for something she honestly didn't do. I have no doubt, my daughter can't hide things from me. If I put myself in the aide's position I can see why she believed my daughter did it. My daughter is afraid she will get in trouble if she say's "I didn't do it". My question is....do we let this go and chalk it up to "life isn't always fair" or do we contact the aide and chance alienating her?

Answer 1

You should talk to the teacher's aide and explain about the allergies.  You should say  that obviously you weren't there and that you recognize that your child isn't perfect, but that in this case, because of these circumstances and the fact she is so upset, that you believe her.  I am sure that the teacher's aide would appreciate knowing about the allergies also.

Answer 2

I would contact the school to speak with the aide with your daughter. It's true that some children are afraid to speak for themselves around authority figures. Explain to your daughter about speaking up if she feels she didn't do something and about others thinking she did do something if she doesn't speak up.  Tell the aide how upset your daughter was and that your daughter would never reacted this way if she had done it.

After reading your additional details... yes, def. go to talk with the aide. Your daughter wont forget this incident, she's a child and she wont let it go unless it's solved.

Answer 3

As a teacher, I disagree with the previous answer.  If you have a concern, no matter how big or how small, please discuss the incident with the teacher's aide.  Yes, there are many times that an experience is simply "life isn't fair".  However, if she had to pull a card as a consequence for something she truly did not do, THAT is not fair.  And I suggest you speak with the aide, the teacher, and your daughter so that all sides of the story come out.  As a teacher, I would rather a parent come to me for the small and petty things, as opposed to these problems being bottled up inside.  

This is also a learning experience for your daughter.  Teach her to speak up for herself and not be afraid to tell the truth.  Your daughter will become the class scapegoat as the years progress, simply because she is not standing up for herself.

Best of luck to you, and update us on what happens.

Answer 4

The Best way to start is to Talk to the teacher's aid if that dose not help can ask for a meeting with the teacher the teacher's aid. If you get a meeting talk to your daughter into going and saying how she feels and you should put your input.  your daughter is 6 and she has feelings like everyone. the teacher aid needs to be talk to. To whatever it takes to keep your daughter happy. if it continues go to the head of the school.  Do whatever it takes to protect your daughter

Answer 5

just ask about what happned and then maby the aide can appologize for her mistake

Answer 6

I would definitely bring it to attention.You want you're child to know that life isn't always fair but she also needs to know that you're behind her every step of the way especially when her feelings are hurt and she really didn't do it.

Answer 7

I would put her side across to her teacher- but make it a light comment not a heavy complaint. Explain how you understand how the aide could have misinterpreted the situation, but you feel you should just mention it because your daughter was upset about it. Poor chicken.

Answer 8

I think you should have a little talk with the teacher's aide and/or teacher and see what actually happened. How would you alienate her? Just get it cleared up. Can't hurt to stand up for your daughter. If she's telling the truth, she must feel bad getting accused for something she didn't do.

Answer 9

Talk to the teacher.

Answer 10

pick and choose your battles.

what was her punishment?

if it wasn't too terrible then teach your daughter that somethings are worth fighting for and somethings are worth not letting you get worked up over.

Answer 11

I would talk to the child's teacher. After talking to her, I would include your daughter so that she will feel comfortable speaking the the teacher or aide. Plus, the aide/teacher should know about her allergies because it might happen again. I think school should be a positive experience. It wouldn't be good for her to feel uncomfortable at such a young age.

Answer 12

As another teacher, I can tell you're a good parent and that you have a reasonably well behaved child.  I have two types of students in my classroom: the kind that are deterred by consequences such as pulling cards, and the kind who do not care.  I could go on and on about why this is and why each child responds the way he/she does to consequences in the classroom, but it's not any more relevant than that the two groups exist.  A child who is deterred by consequences, or is upset at herself for needing the consequence, tends to be intrinsically well behaved and, though she may make a mistake here and there, values proper behavior.  That comes from home, so on behalf of teachers everywhere, thank you. Your child is so well mannered that she didn't back talk even when she knew she was right.  

The students in my class have no problem letting me know if I have seen a situation the wrong way.  But in turn, they are scrupulously honest about the way they actually behaved or that system does not work.  Sometimes there are issues that come up with other teachers in the building or with my aide though, and this is what I tell them to do:

Instead of pulling cards my classroom works on a color system, where they move down a color for infractions in behavior.  Each color stands for something: a warning, removal from an activity, referral to the office.  If the aide asks a student to change his color, he does so without argument so that the activity can progress without disruption.  However, when there is a transition or a chance to talk, the student discusses the incident with the aide at that time and explains himself.  The child is much more likely to be taken seriously because he is talking in a respectful way and not causing a scene in the middle of an activity, and it makes him more believable and makes an adult much more open to the conversation.  Usually the aide will allow him to switch his color back, but occasionally not.  But even if not, I find that most of my students are ok with the situation just for having gotten the chance to explain.

I think that even though maybe some time has passed since the incident, you could have your daughter explain to the aide what happened.  You'll have to practice with her so that she doesn't get too nervous, because I realize that she is only 6.  If she's more comfortable, have her write a little letter that says something like, "I am very sorry that you thought I was mouthing words last Wednesday while you were talking.  I had chapped lips and was l*****g them, but I'm sure it looked like I was doing something else.  I did not mean to upset you."  No adult in her right mind could be upset with a child who says THAT to her.  That way she's respectfully telling the aide what happened and she may feel more comfortable explaining herself in the future.

Answer 13

Let it go.   You are absolutely correct - life is NOT always fair.  And you, yourself stated that you can see why the aide thought your daughter did it.  It's not like she was suspended or got a detention or was severely punished.   It's not a big enough deal to make into....well, a big deal.

Answer 14

Why didn't YOU as the child's mother alert the teacher's aid and teacher about the allergies if they are so bad?  Whenever my kids are sick even if it allergy related I always alert the teachers as well as school nurse.  Just in case something happens that will require attention.

Answer 15

let it go and explain to her sometimes in life things just aint fair

  i mean she didnt get a paddling or iss or oss she just got a card pulled it will be ok

Answer 16

No matter what, what happened was something that made your daughter upset. You have every right, and should definately use the right to talk to the teacher about it. You are trusting the school with your child's well-being and education, you should also be able to trust the teacher's judgement in the situation. I am positive the teacher would be happier that you came to her with your concern, instead of letting it go. A lot of people let things go, and after a while, you can imagine how many issues haven't been discussed. It's best to do it now. You, your daughter, and your teacher all have a relationship during these school years, and it will help doing this, by keeping everything honest.