Should I make contact again with my natural family?I was adopted and met her years ago.?

Question

Put up for adoption at 6 weeks old..

met my natural Mum at 23 years ....

Only spoke to her 6 times after meeting her...

What should I do...

Get back in contact or not.....

Answer 1

That’s only a question you can answer.

Answer 2

If you feel the need for a relationship with your bilogical parent initiate contact.  Keep your expectations low and hope for the best.  Depending on the circumstances if not out of desperation most adoptions begin with a very selfless act on the part of the biological parent, wanting a better life than they can possibly supply for their child.  No matter what happens I doubt a day goes by she hasn't thought of you.

Answer 3

It depends, is this a healthy relationship for you to pursue?

If so...go for it.  

Keep in mind that birth mothers make adoption plans for the children they give birth to because they truly believe that the adoptive families will be able to provide for the child the things they can't...stability, love, opportunity, etc.

I hope that whatever you decide is the best possible thing for you!

Answer 4

I have reunited with my son so I can speak from that perspective. Unless she has said no (which is not indicated by your message) then I would say yes, contact her. She maybe giving you some time and space so that she does not scare you away. It sounds like you two need to talk if you need to ask this after you have met. I have told my son to talk to me whenever he wants. I don't interfere too much in his life - but it is wonderful when he does contact me, so I would say yes.

Answer 5

That would depend on a few things. Did the two of you get along? Did she indicate she would like to see you again? Do you want to be part of her life?

If the answer is yes to all of them then definately. If you don't want to be part of her life except part time then I wouldn't bother. Especially if she wants more than that. I am not saying you have to spend every waking moment with her but in and out isn't fair.

Good luck on your decision.

Answer 6

Birth moms carry around a ton of guilt. I'm a horrible person, how could I give away my child? Oh sure you say it was for the best, we all say that, it's just a blanket statement. It means nothing.

It wouldn't hurt to contact her again, you really need to talk.Get it all out in the open. I found my birthdaughter in 2001. I tend to keep my distance, she calls me by my first name and her kids do too. I love her, but it's a different kind of love than the love I feel for my son whom I raised. In the beginning she set the rules for us, I think she wants more from me but doesn't want to ask. I can't read her mind and it isn't my place to ask. She has her mom to confide in and they have a very special relationship which I abide by. I am not her mother and I know my place, she knows I'm here for her now, better late than never. I'm willing to give whatever she asks for. We have both been in counciling.

Answer 7

It is entirely up to you.  

How did you feel the first time, after your located her and then have not had contact.  Whose decision was that?  How was that for you?

Do you have a need to contact her, emotionally?  Is there something that is unsaid?  Are you looking for an ongoing relationship?  Why did that not that happen the first time?

How will you feel if you get back in touch and she doesn't wish to?  Or she stops after one or two meetings?

How will you feel if you do not contact her again?

Which is the direction you keep moving toward?

Answer 8

This is a personal question and you don't say how long ago it was that you had contact.  If a long time as passed it may be a good idea if just for any updated medical information.  This info can be so important for an adoptee and any children grandchildren that they have.  

How was your first contact?  Time changes everyone sometimes as we get older our ideas mellow and for other people we get more cynical.

By your wording it appears that you may be from the UK.??  I was also born and adopted in the UK but raised in the US.  My birth mother was not receptive to any type of reunion and just gave me information.  This is the same thing that happen to another girl that I helped find her birth family.  The extended family has welcomed her with open arms but the birth mother is very closed to her.  It seems that more US birth mothers are more welcoming for reunion.  Could be a coincidence with the UK birth mums?

I was in the UK long enough to pick up using Mum as well.  All of my friends found it rather strange because they used Mom.

Very person decision, don't worry about what she wants, do what is right for you.

Answer 9

i think u should .I'm sure the  put up for adoption for reason.that ur mum put u to this world, of her u wouldn't exist

Answer 10

Do you want to? Your birth mother gave you life and choose to give you up. So you have to think do you want a relationship with her and will she want one with you. And you  must take into consideration your Mom's feelings. This is something that you have to answer for yourself.  You have had contact and probably know her reasons for the action taken. So why do you want to take it farther and what will it do?  Good luck