Should I make my son talk to his dad?

Question

My ex husband doesn't live near us and he doesn't come visit or call our 6 year old son very often at all. He was living only 4 hours away but only came to visit once every several months....and only for a couple days when he did. He's now out of state in training & about to be deployed overseas. Several of the last few times he's called I've had to make our son answer the phone & talk to him....he doesn't want to. Yesterday when my ex was calling I asked my son if he wanted to talk to him & he said no, so we didn't answer. I've asked him several times since then if he wants to call him back & told him that he can anytime he wants to. At first I thought maybe I should make him talk to him, but now I'm thinking that I shouldn't force him to if he doesn't want to. I don't want my ex to think it's my fault though.....i've tried to encourage him to talk to him. But I don't want to tell my ex our son doesn't want to talk b/c that seems kinda mean.

Answer 1

When my son was 6, he didn't want to talk on the phone to anyone.

Don't force him, but keep offering.  You might sell it as an opportunity - and discuss lost opportunities.

Answer 2

you shouldnt force him i mean if he wants to fine if he diesnt fine i mean but he should have a father in his life but he is only 6 so when he gets older he will understand that he misses his father and wants to talk to him so just lay of him a lil and it will come around trust me i had the same problem i live with my grandparents and my grandmother use to make me answer the phone when my dad called then after a while she stoped making me and it took a while like 6months then i started calliong my dad on my own so yeah dont force him

Answer 3

i don't think you should make him talk to his dad.

i dunno. its his decision. i think maybe hes disappointed

that you guys aren't together anymore.

i don't know ]x sorry.

but god bless you and your family.

Answer 4

He is 6, and it will be better for your son if you make him talk to his father. Make the expectation so that later in life the communication lines are still open. Have your son mail his father letters, especially when his father is deployed. It will teach him respect, honor, and again will encourage the lines of communication. He may not remember being angry with his dad later in life, but he'll remember the letters he sent and hopefully the letters sent back.

Answer 5

I don't think it will help to 'make' your son talk to his dad. I don't know what or how your son is feeling. It could be that he's not in the mood, it could be he's feeling cross/upset or it could be he's more interested in doing what he's doing at the time. He is, remember, only 6.

Don't make too much fuss about this or it will get very complicated and confusing for your lad. He loves you both remember and is far too young to have this decision put to him first. Being the adult you must take the lead.

When your ex rings don't ask if your son wants to talk to him before you answer the phone, just pick up the phone and chat as normally as if it was one of your friends (yes I know it's hard!). If/when ex asks to speak to son that's the time to ask. He might say yes, he might say no. Whatever he says go with that decision - either hand the phone over or say no he doesn't want to talk at the moment. Keep your voice calm and level (again, not easy, but you'll surprise yourself).

If your ex gets upset remind him his son is only little and is too young to mean anything by it.

It sounds a difficult enough situation for you adults. Your son is the one with the least choice and power. Be as civil and as caring as you can be and that will help him enormously.

Answer 6

I would talk to your son about his feelings, and prepare him to talk before the next call.  He may have lots of unspoken fears and is avoiding them by not talking.  If his fears come to light, he will never forgive himself.  Offer him a reward for talking to dad, something simple like you will play a game with him.  That way he knows he will have you with him after the call to offer suppport.

Answer 7

That is such a tough one!  However, the reason your son does not want to talk to him may be something that he does not even understand himself.  Children do things that sometimes defy our understanding.  You say that even when his father was close by, he did not make much of an effort to see your son, and believe me, that little boy remembers how he wanted to see his dad!  

In some way, perhaps the father has hurt the little boy's feelings, and it is not something he has forgotten.  Since he is not interested in talking to his dad, I would say that the burden falls on the father to so more than just call.  I know that it is difficult to be in the military and do all of the fatherly things that he might want to do, but this is a 6 year old!  His feelings count too!

If you are honest with your ex, he will then have to be the one to do more to get to know his son.  

Divorce is hard on kids, and perhaps the children your son plays with have dads who play catch with them, or roughhouse with them, or take them to the movies, or just play with them, and your son does not.  Be hears and sees what goes on around him.  This is not your fault, nor you ex-husband's, it is just the fact of your son's life.

Do not make him do anything he does not want to do, but do encourage him to send pictures and letters, as well as photographs, and help him to understand how vital these things are to the soldiers, because they are a long way from home, they don't have great food, good nice beds, TV, etc., help him see that his letters will really bring some joy to his dad.

I am sorry you are going through this, but some of the suff is because he is a child, and children do their own things because they are children, and not for reasons they can articulate, or even understand.  So give him a break, but do not give up.  Thank you for loving his little boy, and for being understanding of the feelings of both him and his father.

God bless you.

Answer 8

If he doesn´t want to them don´t try n convince him! As for ur ex: there´s a reason why he´s ur EX right? Just tell him the truth.

Answer 9

Why doesn't your son want to talk to his dad? Did something happen, is your son shy because dad isn't around or is your son busy and doesn't want to be bothered?

If you can figure out why your little guy doesn't want to talk to his dad, that will probably point you in the right answer for this question.