Should I marry for love or money? and does Money in a marriage buy happiness?

Question

My fiance and I have been engaged for two months, already we are deep into the wedding planning and have already met with his priest and booked our reception venue (and put down a large deposit on the wedding). Lately I have had "cold feet" and have been asking myself if he is the right guy to marry. The worrying started after I made the first deposit, as money has always been an issue in our relationship. I am hard working, have a well paying job in healthcare and want financial freedom and success, where he is more of a carefree, blue collar, semi-irresponsible type with money.

Does money really buy happiness?

I fear that a life with my fiance will result in poor financial successes and I can't help but wonder if I am meant to marry someone wealthier with the same financial values as myself. I will be the first to admit that this sounds completly selfish and egotistical, but this is the only place I feel I can be honest about this.

Should I marry for love or money?

Answer 1

I was born into money and it never made my life any easier. Yes I had nice things but inside I was always miserable. I was dying to have something to live for because I was just so bored. I could and still can buy anything I want but, growing up everything felt disposable so I never valued anything. Now that I'm older things are way different, I had to separate my money from myself and realize who I was inside not what I could buy. Never marry for money because money can disappear in an instant. You do need to evaluate your relationship with your fiance though because it sounds like he needs to grow up a bit, maybe you just need to find somebody with the same financial values as you. It's normal to feel scared about your future and if you don't believe he could care for you financially if something were to happen you need to speak to him about it. Imagine being the one with money and somebody wanting to marry you for that. It sucks being that person. Before my fiance every guy I dated was only after one thing, my money. It made me feel like that's all I was. I may be wrong on this but it doesn't seem like you're attracted to your fiance, like you feel like you can do better. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just make a decision before it's to late. Don't settle if it feels wrong to you.

Answer 2

Only ever marry for love. You should have had your decision made when you got engaged, not now! You should have been sure then.

I'm a little worried that this is a 'class thing' - you for some reason not being happy that he's a worker-type dude. However, I'm willing to bet that he's got a bigger heart than you - most 'blue collar' workers do, and they are amazing family men, - and generous lovers, too.

I don't think this has anything to do with money - I think you need to look into your heart a little deeper and find the real reason. I'm thinking maybe you are looking for someone to 'look after you' financially - not accepting that it's enough to have someone love you wholeheartedly.

Trust me, the latter is definitely enough!

Answer 3

Money won't bring you happiness, but not having money can make you miserable. And more likely to divorce. Money issues are the number one cause of divorce in the US. If you have different money styles, you need to seriously figure out if you can live with each other. It could also get on his nerves the way you deal with money (he may see you as "tight-fisted" or "stingy").

It's not about who is right or wrong, but about your styles. I suggest you get a book by that financial lady who's always on CNN and what-not or a book that talks about relationships and money. There are many out there. You need to think long and hard before you go through with this.

Good luck.

Edit: You could sit down with a counselor as someone suggested, but it might actually be more helpful to go together to a financial planner. My husband and I have done this - we got a free consultation from a local guy. It is helpful to have a third party (expert!) tell your husband than to have you trying to tell him. That way it is coming from someone else.

Answer 4

If you end up marrying for money then you're really shallow.

Answer 5

Silly Girl!!!!!!!!

the first marriage is always for love....

that's why over half of them end in divorce...

its okay...just make sure your second marriage is for money, and you'll be happy to the end of your days...especially after you start having an affair with your ex-husband from your first marriage...

Answer 6

Marry for love.

I am in a similar situation- my fiance is not responsible with money and chose to scrape by for months rather than get another job (he now has another job since we bought a house, this was a must).

However, we are having a "yours" "mine" and "ours" account. $$ from our paychecks will be split into a joint account used to pay our bills, a savings account, and seperate checking accounts for ourselves. That way, if I want to save up money or buy something, I don't need to feel as if I'm using our electric bill money to do so. And, I also don't have to worry what he's doing with his money, because I know what goes for the bills, savings, etc.

You need to make a financial plan. Even meet with a financial specialist or something. It will make you feel so much better!

Answer 7

Money is the MAIN cause for divorce.....you need to go into the marriage with CLEAR expectations of how youre gonna handle the finances.PREMARITAL COUNCELING!!!!!

Answer 8

Marriage begins with honesty.  Perhaps you should consider talking with your fiancee and address your concerns openly.  Marriage is about adding to the relationship equally and independently with respect of individuality.  Accepting each other for who you are...changing together to be all you can be and witnessing that joy to experience life together in partnership.  Independently carrying the weight and working towards resolve to achieve all success.  Inspiring one another and embracing each moment that happiness has found you.   Marriage is not a place for doubt, but for belief...therefore if there is doubt...postpone until you are sure this is what you want and who want as a partner.  Be honest with yourself and with him.   No one can change anyone just by marriage.  One must accept the individual as they are...or move forward.  Hope that helps, thanks for asking.

Answer 9

There are no guarantees in life either way neither love nor money will guarantee and successful happy marriage its commitment, communication, trust and hope.... It may mean that you are the person in charge of finances, some people are good with money and others arent, its not the man's job and its not the woman's job its the spouse who has the best skills at managing, balancing etc

Answer 10

You should marry for love, but that man you love should have some sort of financial maturity. Money does not buy happiness but if you marry a man who is financially irresponsible then it could cause problems no matter how much money he makes. I have seen people who make a lot of money struggle more than those who make less because despite their big paychecks, they still live beyond their means.

Answer 11

True Life Experiences here...let me share with you..

My husband and I love each other ALOT...

However, we scrape and live paycheck to paycheck especially with the gas prices here. It's awful..while we love each other, the fact that we are living paycheck to paycheck, not sure where our rent money is going to come from this month (no joke, my work bonus may not come through) It makes it hard to get along sometime. Money won't outright buy happiness but if you have it, it's "easier to be happy"

My mom thought she married my dad for love, but he didnt' really love her, he had lots of money but he didn't share it, they were unhappily married for twenty six years. she had to ask for grocery money every week (only 70 dollars)..what kind of a happy marriage is that. So it depends..if the person your with is stingy it definitly won't work..

I don't believe all the bull c**p (sorry) when people say "Oh you have to marry for love, you can't marry for money, no matter what financial difficulties you get into, your love will last"

NO IT WON'T..I dated a guy once who didn't work, couldn't support himself and that was a HUGE mistake, it's not ALL about money but it will help when trying to become a family.

Make sure it's a combo of LOVE and MONEY because if not, your in for a rough ride.

I'm hardworking just as you are, I have a degree in business and am working in the computer/healthcare field. My husband has two bachelor's degrees, physics and computer science, and again don't get me wrong, I LOVE HIM TO PIECES, but it causes for alot of arguements because he is irresponsible with money at times, right now he answers phones for a call center..and again I can't stress how much I love him (I wouldn't have married him if I didn't, and I sure as heck didn't marry for money ;) ) but if you both are stable, have the same monetary values, things will be easier...

What I just said, take it with a grain of salt, it all depends on the person...this is just from my life experience

Answer 12

well, love is LOVE, you dont marry a person for money, or for anything else in this world, exceppt true love, and you guys can work out the money problem, but that's what marriage is, its for people who are truly in love. its a promise to God and to the one you love, as well as yourself.

if you marry him. you marry him for the reasons YOU fell in love with him; for who he is as a person.

and like i said you both can work out the money issues.

but dont lie and marry him if you dont love him, THATS COMPLETELY WRONG.  but if you are in love. congrats!! :)

Answer 13

It's not about whether or not money can buy happiness it's about whether or not he can support a family. If he cannot do so DO NOT marry him. It's not conceited, materialistic, selfish, egotistical or greedy. It's practical!! A man needs to be able to take care of his woman and potential family emotionally, physically and monetarily. If he can't do so, wait until he can OR leave him.

EDIT: I'm not saying he has to be rich. And love always comes above the rest but, if you're already financially unstable, things won't get any easier if/when you start a family. Being naive about the situation won't help, money issues is one of the leading causes of divorce in the US. Nevertheless, I wish you and yours the VERY best of luck!! :D

Answer 14

Thats a personal choice honestly. But money doesn't mean you're going to be happy. If you truly love him and he truly loves you then financial issues will compare little to how much you care for each other.

By the way it's completely normal to feel a little case of cold feet. :)

Good Luck and Congratulations

Answer 15

Can you say I do when asked for richer or for poor?...if you love him you can be poor with him and work together for financial stability.  It's not about money or lots of money it 'sabout love and respect and being able to provide, within your means, for each other and your future family.

Answer 16

hmmm some people get mixed up with their intentions for marriage. Someone once told me that marriage isn't about love, its about being with someone who you would be better off with than on your own and vice versa.  Yeah it would help if you guys loved each other but thats not the sole reason to.  And its not about being better together than on your own financially, also emotionally, physically, ect ect.  So love plays a part in there as well as money.

It all comes down to whether both of you guys will do better together than on your own.