Should I pay for my guests for my 30th bday at a Restaurant?

Question

I am thinking of inviting family and friends to a restaurant sit down meal for my 30th - is it common to pay for friends and families meals now a days for 30ths or would it be rude to ask if they can pay? Im not working at the moment but would still like to celebrate. If I have to pay I will just do something at home instead!

Another option is that I can pay for half the meal and on the invite write

Meal cost: $18

and I can pay the difference of 20... but to pay the full amount will do me in! I have over 60 family and friends!

What do you think?

Thanks for any help, ideas or advice!

Answer 1

I am about to have my 40th. On my invites I said I would provide nibbles.

I said and come and celebrate.

Buy your own drinks and food.

Everyone except for one couple who will not be in town are coming no one was affended.

Birthdays are about having your friends with you and they can choose to eat or not.

Answer 2

First tell your immediate family members and best friends that you would like to go to a restaurant to celebrate you 30th birthday and you would like it to be a no host gathering at the restaurant of your choice.  Then spread the word.

The way it works in my family and circle of friends is we all know each others  birthday.  We all wait to hear what the birthday person would like to do and go with it.  If they choose to go to a restaurant we all show ready to pay for our selves.  If they choose to stay home they we all plan a menu and everyone brings somethings.

Answer 3

In my personal opinion, since it is YOUR birthday you need not pay for anyone. I would think that someone would even pay for your part. I would talk to your closest family member and see how that can be arranged. Then if it is decided that everyone else will pay, that chosen family member can tell the rest of the family and you don't have to feel like the bad guy.

Answer 4

If you're inviting people to your party, you have to foot the whole bill.  If you can't afford to pay for everyone, either cut out the people you can't afford to pay for.  Otherwise, you're going to have to find a cheaper way of celebrating.  Age has nothing to do with it.  If someone else throws you a party, it's their responsiblity to pay for that party or to get people to bring food or whatever.

Answer 5

yes, of course! unless you are just inviting people out casually to eat and hang out, if you invite people to your birthday at a restaurant, you should foot the entire bill.

it's not a strict rule that you do, but your esteem level among your friends will go way up if you do. i would find it low class to be invited to an affair and have to worry about affording to eat anything.

of course, you don't want people to abuse the privilege. when i was 25 i invited about 15 friends to my birthday party at a nice restaurant where i paid one price for a 15-person size banquet in which everything was included. i and my friends had such a good time that i did this for about the next 5 years, until i moved away...

Answer 6

Like one of the earlier answerers I too have been on the receiving end of an invitation to a friends birtday party at a restaurant where we were not told we would be paying - we turned up with gifts then had to pay for our meals as well - it is just not a polite thing to do. (Unlike your situation the person throwing the party was quite well off.) Although only a few people said anything about it you could see that most people were quite shocked when at the end of the night they were expected to pay - particularly for a set meal that some of them had not wanted.

It would not have been a problem if we had been advised on the invitation- something along the lines of "I will be providing some drinks and nibbles - no gifts please". Many would still bring gifts but would have been able to budget for the meal costs as well as the present.

Answer 7

That's way too many people to pay for when you're not employed.  I would do something at home instead, and if they offer to help take it.

Answer 8

nope.  its your party.

it wouldnt be rude for them to pay... maybe if you dont want them to spend much money tell them at the bottom not to bring gifts.. .they are paying for your meal and people will probably bring them anyway... that way they dont feel obligated to pay for food and a gift.  The point of the party is to be together with everyone and celbrate.. .even if they pay they are doing that.

Although i do say that you should put "please no gifts" or something like that....

i think that it would be too much of you if you are not working and to have around 60 people that buy drinks and food to be paying for it.. Dont do it.

Answer 9

I see nothing wrong with asking people to pay for their meal - as long as you don't expect gifts as well.  If they don't want to pay then they don't have to come... just make sure that you tell them that gifts aren't required because they will have to pay.  It is not expensive so I'd be surprised if anyone was 'insulted' by having to pay - I certainly wouldn't be!

Hope you have a great 30th!

Answer 10

h**l no. Its your birthday, they should chip in and pay for you.

Answer 11

I think that usually when you invite guests to a restaurant, the common courtesy is to pay for their meal.

I think that it'd be naive to let anyone tell you otherwise. It's not that it's rude, but it's just that this has become common practice.

I was invited to a birthday and I gave a gift over and above what was expected. I was honestly completely surprised when I was expected to pay. Everyone who attended paid. As a guest, I think notification would've been nice. I couldn't afford dinner and the expensive gift. I would've had to hold back on such a nice gift to pay my meal had I known.

I think if you really cannot afford it, then you should put the meal cost at whatever you think you can afford. Just be sure you consider everything- even people's drinks.  Also, if that's the plan, you should definitely tell them in the card. It's similar to telling people whether it's an open bar or not at a wedding- it's just so the people can be prepared.

Good luck and happy birthday!!!:)

Answer 12

GIRL YOU BETTER NOT PAY! IT'S YOUR DAY THE ARE SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATING YOU!! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I WOULD PAY FOR MY FRIENDS MEAL ON THEIR B-DAY. TELL THEM TO PITCH IN MONEY FOR YOUR MEALS AND DRINKS. IF I DON'T PAY FOR THEIR MEAL BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DOES I AT LEAST BUY THEM A DRINK OR 2!

Answer 13

If you're expecting friends to pay $38 for their meal then don't expect presents. These days the expectation is normally that you pay for yourself. You can supply drinks though, if you wish to contribute something or even buy a nice birthday cake to have as desert.

Write on the invite, gifts not required, that way they should get the idea that they pay for their meal. Most will still give a small gift but don't expect it.

Make sure you choose a restaurant that everyone invited could afford, perhaps a set menu is not such a good idea. But do not pay for their meal.

Answer 14

you should go out to eat with a few of your closest family and friends.

bring enough money but see if they will offer to pay.

then have a celebration at home for everyone.

have everyone pitch in and bring something like different foods or entertainment of some sort.

and happy birthday. :]

Answer 15

I went to a birthday party once for a room mate and they happened to pick one of the most expensive restaurants in Honolulu.  Everyone was expect to pay for themselves and I did not have a good time, especially because I was a struggling student.  I think I just had salad and bread and it still cost over $20.  So yeah, if you're going to invite people to an expensive restaurant that you're not going to pay for then at least let them know what to expect.

Answer 16

You should not have to pay on your birthday. If they are you friends they should automatically pay for themselves and yours too, as well as keeping you well hydrated (Drunk) throughout the evening. I turn 30 this year and even though I don't drink, I may have to hit the sauce (Drink). All the best and happy birthday mate.

Answer 17

First of all look at the practicality and your budget. And because it's a celebration you shouldn't be burden by the fact that you need to spend so much money considering your not working right now.

Do you like to cook? If you can, whip something out at home (or otherwise order some roast and prepare some salads), at the same time you can control your budget. Also, during the dinner session, you can talk a little on your cooking and own the moment.. ;)

Tell your friends and family members that you're organizing a dinner party. Usually they will ask what are you celebrating. Casually just tell them it's to celebrate your birthday, also tell them that it's a chance to gather everyone around for catching up.

Sometimes your friends might offer to bring something over (besides your present). You can perhaps suggest them to bring some wines/drinks or fruits for desert.

60 people to spend in a restaurant is quite pricey I reckon. So, unless your friends and family tell you in advance that they will treat you, I suggest you do something in accord to your budget.

But if venue is a problem, you might want to consider trim down the guest list.

Answer 18

Don't go to an expensive resteraunt.

Just entertain at home.

Youre 30, y are you celebrating your birthday anymore

Answer 19

well it depends what restaurant your going too. but if i wasent working at the time and i had all that ppl to invite for my 30th bday, i will just do something at home and have some few drinks with the fam and friends. :)

Answer 20

Well since you're the one throwing the party and inviting everyone then normally you would be the one who would pay. Though it is your birthday, I would ask the guests to pay at least half of their meal or the whole thing.

Answer 21

For large birthday celebrations (10+), the one who throws the party pays for it.

For an intimate meal at a restaurant, everyone pays their share, and usually friends offer to pay for the birthday person's meal.

whatever you do, DO NOT WRITE

meal cost: $18

on the invitation

that is creating a financial obligation for all of your friends and is extraordinarily tacky.

of course you have 60 family and friends, but sometimes you need to be discriminating and not over-the top, especially on a budget. no one is expecting you to throw a huge party for yourself, so don't feel obligated to.