Should I punish my son for making all A's on his report card except for an F in conduct?

Question

I can understand making bad grades if they need help but he made straight a's except for conduct, which he CAN help. I'm not sure how to punish him or what to do that will help him in the classroom. He does have ADHD, but I am not making exscuses for him. He is not on any medication but still can control his own attitude.

Answer 1

gurl naw just tell him he needs to do better

Answer 2

No he has ADHD his teacher sould know that an d sould put a good grade on it!

Answer 3

Yes. he needs to learn that causing problems in class is unacceptable. Maybe talk to his teacher and see what's going on. Then all you can do is take away privelages until he starts bringing home better conduct grades.

All too often kids get excuses for bad behavior (such as ADHD). It is VERY much overly diagnosed when honestly it's just a behavior problem. Most in the psychological field will agree.

Answer 4

my son has ADHD also but like you said that is no excuse.  if he has bad conduct i talk to him and explain that if he cant control himself better then i will take privileges away.  my son is on medication however, he was uncontrolable without it.  e is alot better (straight A's) but he still has his moments.  

  

just talk to your son and explain that he still needs to conduct himself in an appropriate way.

Answer 5

Wow, that's very unusual.  Usually bad behavior leads to bad grades.  Before punishing your son, I'd seek specifics from the teacher on exactly what lead to him receiving an F in behavior.  If it was something related to his ADHD, then no, I wouldn't punish.  I'd use it as a tool to correct the behavior since it really isn't his fault,

Answer 6

I wouldn't punish him too much.  Having ADHD and making all A's is a great thing.  Just talk to him about how he can work on his conduct.  Or sit down with him and his teacher to find out what the issue is.

Answer 7

well, usually kids' conduct is very good when they have good grades, it gives them confidence and it makes them proud of themselves, maybe your son isn't as proud of it as you are, or maybe he is troubling in something other than school

Answer 8

why in h**l would you want to punish him, can you prove that his conduct at school isn't triggered by someone or something? would you have prefer if all his grades were all c's including conduct? you said he has ADHD isn't this enough to tell you he's not always comfortable? and he still achieve a's in all the other grades. have you ever put yourself in his shoe? do you ever try to know what's going on in his head, how he loves you, how hard he is trying to please you?

all you are thinking of is punishment, you should be punish for having this thought. go and find out what is irritating your son

i've noticed you did not mention his father, Love your son, celebrate his achievements (A's)  with him, then Love him some more. Peace.

Answer 9

Making good grades is nothing if your son can't behave properly.  I wouldnt punish him though. Make sure you emphasize how proud you are about him grades but explain how bad/rude his behavior is.  He needs new medication.  This is a classic case of ADHD.  I work at a pharmacy and I can name about 6 medications for ADHD off the top of my head.  The point is that there is PLENTY.  One might not work but one might be great.  Try another one

Answer 10

Why is he not on medication? Unless I miss my guess this is why his conduct is not up to par. He may very well not be able to control his attitude and behavior, at least not consistently. ADHD is known for this.

I would not punish him. I would talk to him and help him to find strategies to improve his behavior. I'd also seriously consider putting him on meds. Punishment will not help him fix the problem and in general I think that consequences are something that you hand out AFTER you have told them what is expected of them and what the consequences will be.

So maybe next semester find some consequences if he doesn't improve but for this one work on helping him to improve.

Answer 11

Don't punish him as a knee-jerk reaction, like hitting him, or sending him to his room. Have a talk with him alone, and a conference with him and his teacher. Make sure there are not stressors in class that are causing him to get angry and act out.

Praise him for the As, and make sure he knows how important that is and how proud of him you are. Then explain why the behavior he's exhibiting is not ok, and more importantly, offer him alternatives. A kid with ADHD can't always sit still, but he can be nice. If he's frustrated because he's trying to sit still but can't, it might lead to acting out. He needs alternatives - maybe he can take a walk around the classroom, maybe he can stand up next to his chair every few minutes, maybe he can take breaks from work to do another quiet activity at regular intervals, whatever it is. If he's angry at someone, he can count to 10, take deep breaths, write about it, talk to a trusted teacher, but he can't be nasty. Let him know that you don't expect him to be perfect, but disrupting class and offending others won't be accepted.

Have his teacher contact you every day, or at least once a week to let you know how he behaved - a great way to do it is to get him a little notebook that she can write a sentence or 2 in every day. If his conduct is poor, he doesn't get to play video games, go to the baseball game, whatever it is that's important to him. If his conduct is good, he gets it.

Answer 12

Tell him that you are very proud of him for all those good marks but that still doesnt excuse the F and that until he can control his conduct at school there will be no more _____.  He has shown he is capable of doing it will all A's and if you accept the F now he will think it is ok.

Answer 13

Punishment will only compound your son's problems with conduct. With ADHD he has issues with impulse control hence the conduct disorder.  Since medication didn't work for him you'll have to develop a behavior modification program with his teacher.  

I hope the following references prove helpful for you:

http://www.ldonline.org/article/6030

http://addadhdadvances.com/

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/adhd/a/ad...

The key to improving your son's in school behavior will mean working closely with the school with a daily communication journal.

Good luck and hopefully as your son matures his classroom conduct will improve (generally this can happen with the unset of puberty).

Answer 14

Are you trying any other treatments for his ADHD? Is he in therapy? Ask the teacher if you can observe his behavior in class, then perhaps you can come up with a plan that would help improve his behavior.

Answer 15

Of course not, you should reward him for a good report card.

And tell him to try to improve his behavior next term.

Answer 16

Why is this the first you've heard of him not behaving properly in class? His teacher shouldn't have let it go on all year without discussing it with you. I think you should sit down with his teacher and come up with a system that keeps you up to date with his behavior.  At that point, I would put your son on a point system that rewards him for good behavior and gives him consequences for bad behavior. He needs immediate feedback, especially if he has ADHD. It's not fair to punish him for behaviors that have been going on for months.

Answer 17

Don't punish him---the poor kid is in a no-win situation. He's is obviously bright, but has poor impulse control and has a hard time socially.

You say he can control his attitude, but how much control can you expect from a 9 yr old?

Kids who have ADHD have a very difficult time holding still and their lack of impulse control means they tend to blurt things out that you or I wouldn't say out loud.

Asking them to behave just like another child is impossible--they can try but they can only do so much. They end up feeling like failures. They are miserable and angry because THEY FEEL NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRY THEY WILL s***w UP. Even if they are super good for a day---the next day something happens and that day of perfect behavior is erased in everyone's minds.

Think of it this way: when someone doesn't see as well as everyone else they get glasses and go on. We don't expect them to skip the glasses and see from the back of the classroom as well as another child. We don't get upset because they should just try harder and maybe they could see the words...

PLUS a smart kid with ADHD in a regular classroom is going to have many more opportunities to have problems. Why? Because he will finish his worker faster than other kids, he will learn things faster than other kids, and then he will have to sit and be STILL why the teachers explains something for the third time to the class.

It is a no-win situation---because he is so smart he has more opportunities to get into trouble.

This is what your son is dealing with---he is probably trying as best he can but he is more likely to have problems.

Medication can help---but some kinds do have side effects. Did you try just one kind? Maybe there is another kind you can try? Please ask your doctor.

You could also talk to your school about your son and have them make some accomodations for him. I'm not saying let him get away with murder, just make sure that he is NOT placed in situations which will absolutely lead to failure.

This could mean making sure he sits in front of the room (or off to the side) or giving him classroom jobs that allow him to move around (such as giving him the job of collecting papers, handing things out, things that will make him feel responsible and allow him to move a bit.) putting out "challenge packs" of more difficult work so that when he finishes with a task he can get something else to work on quietly while the rest of the kids finish. (THAT alone can be a lifesaver.)

Please think of some ways to HELP your son at school. He is so smart it would be a tragedy if he started to hate school and that could happen.

Best wishes.

Answer 18

Instead of punishing him for the F conduct, why not NOT brag to him about the A's he received. The F in conduct is not acceptable in anyone's mind. Tell him that you really wish you could brag about his A's, but, you cannot do that until he gets those conduct grades UP.

Answer 19

First you need to find out exactly why he got the F.

Then decide whether to punish him or help him.

I do not want to influence your decision as he is your son and it is your choice, but if it were up to me, I would not punish him.

I think that is the worst thing you could do. It will make him feel bad about himself when acually getting the rest A's is a remarkable acheivement. Of course that F is a nagging worry but you just need to sit him down and tell him how proud you are of him.

Then when he completely feels that you are on his side, ask him if he thinks he should have got the F.

His answer will tell you what to do.

Good Luck!

Answer 20

Yes, you do.  It's disrespecting authority figures and others.  He needs to learn now that this is not acceptable.  If you dont' punish him now, it will only get worse!

Answer 21

It sounds to me like your son is very intelligent.  It is very possible that he is bored out of his mind in school.  Boredom very often leads to bad behavior.  

You should request a meeting with his teacher, and together come up with ways to keep him challenged in school.  Obviously he is mastering what he learns very easily, since he is getting all As.  Maybe the teacher could give him extra spelling words, a more challenging book to read, or some higher level math problems to keep him busy.

Answer 22

no, teachers often fail children, children don't fail their education,

i

Answer 23

No you should not punish your kid ,but find out why he is misbehaving.

Does he get enough attention at home or only commands and screaming?

Do you sit with him to help with his homework?

Answer 24

Sounds like your being a little scrict. You dont say how old he is, so i can't suggest what to do. If he is young, all A's is great!

One F isnt so bad because the reason is perfectly understandable.