Should I reject the marriage proposal?

Question

My boyfriend and I are waiting to have s*x until we are married. Tonight, we had a long talk about s*x. I said that I'm excited and he told me that he has no desire to have s*x at all. When we were kissing today, he didn't even get turned on when he imagined how s*x would be when we are married. He said he would be content being a virgin for the rest of his life. I'm really starting to worry about marrying him. I don't want to marry someone that doesn't want to have s*x...I think it brings a couple closer. He said he's kind of excited at the moment...but he will be so hesistant when he's in the moment.

He said this: "like its easy for me to think about in advance, but when i'm in a situation like that, i'm totally turned off to it"

I'm really starting to think about not marrying him. This is totally disappointing because I love him and he's the man of my dreams..what do you guys think about this? I know it may be nerves but...once I'm married, I'm stuck. Is this a warning sign that he's not ready for marriage? I'm his first girlfriend ever.

Answer 1

1st off: i did not read past the word proposal in the initial question, because i believe that of u have to question whether or not to marry someone then u do not need to at least not yet

Answer 2

Well since he is still a virgin he might be unsure of himself and worried that he might not satisfy you.

Just have a serious talk with him and tell him no matter what happens during s*x you wont think less of him.

Answer 3

I would NOT marry him!!

Answer 4

unfortunately this is one of the biggest flaws of waiting till your married, if you meet someone and its like a dream come true and your soul mates but the s*x is bad then guess what, it ain't gonna work out, s*x is funny like that, its a relationship inside of a relationship and maybe the most important one too, it sounds bad but there's the way things should be, and then there's the way things are, people have been sexually nonexclusive (at first) since the beginning of time for this very reason, 2 people who are perfect for each other but have bad s*x wont last very long but 2 people who hate each other and have an unhealthy relationship who love banging each other can stay together forever this is a tough one and nobody can give you the answer because there is no right or wrong answer here, do what you can live with, option 1 committing the rest of your life to someone who you very well might remain non intimate with   or   option 2 lose the virginity and see how it goes, goodluck.

Answer 5

Well, I've got to say, my boyfriend and I are sort of in the same boat.

Not that we're waiting for marriage, but he doesn't want to have s*x because he's afraid of having kids.

That might have something to do with it.

I mean you've also got to consider his sexuality.

My boyfriend gets turned on (we mess around quite often, but no s*x) when we talk about s*x, but he's scared of having a mishap, and instead of messing up, he'd rather have a 100% garuntee he won't go broke trying to raise a li'l tyke right now.

It might also be your boyfriend trying to get you to make the first move in the s*x direction. Like to make himself be the one who's in control, so YOU'RE "begging" for it, and he doesn't have to.

The easiest way to pick up a woman in a bar is to say "I've never had a good *job"...

Hopefully he'll get over it, but you should probably talk to him about your concerns.

My boyfriend says "I just don't see myself having s*x anytime soon" but he says that about marriage too...

So maybe he's not ready for that big of a step.

Talk to him XD

I hope it all works out though!

Answer 6

I think you need to tell him all of this and see what he has to say, tell him how you feel.

Answer 7

thats weird girl. especially his answers. s*x is important in a marriage. think hard about if you want to let him make you feel bad forever.  

Answer 8

There actually are a few men who don't care much about s*x.  They aren't g*y, just asexual.  I've met two of them.  I thought the first one was joking.  He wasn't.  When the second one told me that he didn't really enjoy s*x, I took his word for it.  These weren't men I was dating, but men I worked with.  

So - if s*x is important to you, this is something that you should get ironed out before you marry this guy.  

Answer 9

Few problems or warning signs here:

First girlfriend ever?  Still a virgin?  Not excited about consummating?

Sounds like he's too shy to tell you that he wants to tear into you...or he'll be that guy who's married for 20 years with kids and caught cross dressing giving oral to a truck driver in an alley....

Time will tell all.  Keep dating and/or move in before getting married.

You sound like a nice girl...hope he's not getting it elsewhere and leaving you hangining.

Answer 10

I'm frightened that you are even considering marriage at this point.  You seem incredibly immature.  

First I saw Rick Warren eat the two presidential candidates after they appeared on his show, and now this.

Answer 11

Try to convince him to have s*x. If he doesn't want to, and you really want to, then I would suggest not marrying him. One day you may become very desperate, and have an affair with somebody. This would probably destroy your marriage. In a marriage you want to be happy mentally, and sexually. If he is worried about having s*x, tell him that you are very forgiving and will help him out. If he doesn't want to have s*x, it probably is a warning sign that he isn't ready for marriage. Wait a while, but if he still isn't ready and you are desperate, you may want to move on.

Answer 12

I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. I'M SURE HE JUST WANTS TO HAVE THE GREATEST RESPECT FOR YOU AND DOESN'T WANT TO DISHONOR IT. IF LOVE IS ONE OF THE BEST REASONS TO GET MARRIED. IF YOU HAVE THAT WITH HIM I'M SURE HE WILL WANT TO AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED AND EVENTUALLY WON'T WANT TO STOP AFTER HE EXPERIENCES IT FOR THE FIRST TIME, AS WELL AS YOURSELF.  

Answer 13

Did he never have s*x before? Maybe he is scared?

Talk to him.. if you want to marry this is the best way to avoid misunderstandings.

Lars

Answer 14

i love how you won't marry a guy if he doesn't want to have s*x.

ok, first of all, give the guy a break, it's his first time in everything, he's bound to be very nervous. and in the heat of the moment, i think he will get turned on.

and do you really love him? because if you did, this shouldn't be a problem, because you would accept his views. so i guess, if you don't accept him the way he is, then don't marry him. because you obviously don't love him enough.

Answer 15

ok unlikely, but maybe hes just trying to reaaaally milk it so it will be great on ur wedding day.

cheers.

Answer 16

tell him to wip it out , and if he wont i would...s*x is someting you cannot live without, helps you mentally and physically...sometimes its what keeps u goin

Answer 17

Hmm...This sounds very strange.  I really think that you should consider getting married unless you are absolutely sure of what you're getting yourself into.  

It would help if you specify your age.  It sounds like he doesn't know how important an intimate relationship is in a marriage.  Either that or he found someone who will accept such beliefs from his part.

I really think that there's more to it than that though.  Has he been traumatized by any experience in his life? Is he attracted to the opposite s*x? Is there any medical condition that he might have that inhibits his sexual response?  You should really get to the bottom of this and he should really try to find a solution for this.  I think that this will be quite a test on your relationship, but it needs to get resolved. Remember that in a relationship the most important thing is compromise. You both need to find a common ground where you are both happy in the long run. Marriage is a longggg time.

My most important suggestion to you is to always listen to your gut feeling b/c it will never lie to you so never try to dismiss it or convince yourself that everything is fine if you feel it's not.