Should I report her to her Parole Officer?

Question

I have a big problem. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober from alcohol for almost 6 months. He is also addicted to pills, mainly xanax and lortabs. He does good for a while, then relapses. I understand this is one of the hardest addictions to try and stop on your own and I am trying to give him all the support I can to help him through this. The problem is... his mother keeps giving him pills behind my back. He finally confessed it to me and now I am stuck with a hard decision to make. What to do about his mother. Do I cut her out of our lives? She is on parole for drug charges herself as she is an addict.. Family traditions huh? I am so angry, I am considering calling her Parole Officer explaining my situation and informing him that she is still doing drugs and every time they call her in for her drug test, she has been using a detox to pee clean, and the shampoo for the hair follicle test. I know this because she told me this. She has already peed dirty once and she denied it and the PO let it slide. Should I go to her PO and tell him what I know to get her out of our lives and away from my husband? Shouldn't I do something to keep her away? I need help... Please

Answer 1

A drug addict or alcoholic needs face the fact that they have said addiction and they have to WANT to end their addiction.  Obviously your husband doesn't WANT to end his addictions otherwise he would recognize his mother as an enabler and would stay away from her.  Instead he CHOOSES to go to her to get pills.  His choices are not her fault.  You say you want "mature" advice only, well that's it.  When an adult makes a choice to do something they are responsible for their actions.  Your mother in law is no more responsible for the choices your husband makes than you are.  If you're going to place blame place it in the right position, on him.  

Answer 2

I think you should talk frankly with your mother-in-law and explain to her that giving your husband her pills is not helpful to his recovery and that you would appreciate it if she stopped doing so, that what she does in her own house is her business, that you love and respect her and would never get her into trouble, but when she gives it some thought, doesn't she realize that while her son is recovering from addiction, it really doesn't make sense to supply him with pills?

Also tell her until she does get clean, you would also appreciate it a lot if she would please not come around as much as her addiction may be interfering with her son's recovery, that you wish her all the best and know that she did not mean him any harm.

I think getting your own mother-in-law in trouble with the law would be very unloving and disrespectful to her. If legal trouble hasn't gotten her clean so far, it won't help now. She needs loving support to make the decision to stop using on her own.

God bless. I am sure it will all work out!

Answer 3

try moving to another state like 2000 miles away.

Answer 4

imao i think u should tell her PO because givin him the pills is only hurting him and its prob hurting u having to watch all this its prob his moms fault all this started in the first place and u will havea way better chance of helping him stop his addiction if she can no longer provide them 4 him and all the things she is doing is wrong and only hurting everyone  

Answer 5

Do what is best for your husband. That thought should help you know what to do.

Answer 6

Rat her out every chance you get.She won't be able to give him or anyone else pills if she is behind bars where she belongs.

Next your husband needs to go back to rehab for his pill addictions.

I am also wondering why you married an alcoholic /druggie in the first place?

Did you not see the warning signs hon?

DO NOT make kids with this guy until he has been off the alcohol AND pills for at least 5 yrs.

Get into church I know people who were once crack heads that GOD delivered from drugs.

GOD can AND will do the same for your husband if he wants to be set free.The United Pentecostal church is a good place to start.You won't find the power he needs in most other churches .

Answer 7

sheesh u women have so many problems,,i am glad i am a girl and when i grow up i will have the best husband ever

Answer 8

If the only way to save your husband is to push his mother away, I would do so. If that means explaining things to the parole officer than I would do so.

However, if I found out that his family was into drugs and he was doing them, I'd be out of there. This is just me.

Answer 9

Hi. I'm sorry you're going through all this.  

As a substance abuse counselor, I'm always telling people to simplify.  And that applies here, even though there are several separate issues colliding.

If you take away all the distractions (mainly mom) the problem is simple:  your husband is an addict/alcoholic and he continues to use.  Stopping alcohol for 6 months is irrelevant when he's substituting similar drugs for the alcohol.  So the word "sober" doesn't apply at all.  

The important thing for you to realize is that his addictions will get worse until he gets to the point where HE is begging for help.  And there's nothing you can do or say to speed up this process.  Instead, it's time for you to start setting boundaries about his drug use.  The best way to learn about this is a support group like Al Anon or NarcAnon.  You really need to be around people going through this same thing, because I'm sure you feel very alone right now and you're not.  This is more common than you realize.  But as long as you stay with him, he will view this as "permission" to keep using - it doesn't matter how much you beg and plead to stop.   These are just words.

As for mom, she's a red herring in all this (since if he wasn't getting drugs from her, he'd get them elsewhere or go back to drinking).  If you want to tell her PO, that's fine...but then be done with it.  And please don't assume this has solved the underlying problem.  You are just re-routing it a bit.

Good luck.