Should I report my neighbor? She is a single lady in her late 40's that has 5 foster adoptive children.?

Question

My husband and I feel that she only has these children to get a check every month. There are many signs that she doesn't care about them, but I don't know if I should report these things. Not sure if I am over reactting or even yet who to report these things to. First off, she doesn't work and has two house payments. She just moved to my town this summer and still owns a huge house in her old town. The five children share 2 bedrooms 3 girls in one and 2 boys in the other. For the first 6 months or so the children slept on the floor. She said because she didn't want to leave her other house empty while it was on the market. She finally got the girls a bunkbed when she was trying to get some more children this summer. Still two girls have to share a twin size bed. Then one of the children told me that they had to watch everyone else eat when they went out to eat. That was their punishment for getting in trouble. They had to eat a sandwich when they got home. no room 2 type more

Answer 1

Generally, I would say make sure there is cause for concern before you make a report.  Just because someone is a profesional foster parent does not mean they are bad.  There is a real shortage of foster parents and they live in constant 'fear' that they will be reported or cited for minor problems.  

However, you report several things that ARE of concern and you should certainly give CPS a call.  It is always better to take action now then regret things later on.  For one thing, when we were certified, there were very strict rules on sleeping arrangements for foster children, and having kids sleep on the floor or share a bed was certainly against the rules.  There are also rules about using food as punishment (though, the 'treat' of eating out was the punishment, so this might not be viewed as a problem).

You should see if you can get the names of the caseworker(s) for the kids and contact the casework(s) directly.  This is likely going to get more immediate attention and action than just calling CPS in general.  Also, when you talk to the caseworkers, see if you can get their supervisor's name as well just in case nothing happens with the investigation.

Answer 2

If you even think you should report her then do it. If nothing is going on then her and the social worker can have a good laugh over coffee about the new nosy neighbors. People only have a reason to fear child welfare when they are doing something wrong, or if they are single teen moms with healthy white infants.

Answer 3

Denying a child food and beds aren't right i wouldn't confront the lady because you don't need enemy's but contact a social services or a local police officer to check up on them to make sure. Good Intentions

Answer 4

It won't hurt to report it.  Foster parents should have house checks frequently anyways.

Answer 5

if the children have come to you and expressed their issues, then make a report. also, you must be careful about reporting.  things might not always look like what they appear.

but, i would really try to stick to the issues (the children reported not being able to eat, the children reported sleeping on the floor)...

her financial issues and home ownership are irrelevant.

Answer 6

i would trust my gut.

do not warn her.  let SS come and see.  they will judge.

Answer 7

if you feel the need you would contact child protective services and you can search for them on the internet now, most likely through your states website.

but I think a lot of foster parents are in it for the money and treat the kids like c**p!

Answer 8

Hi I am a foster Parent..The Rules where I live may be different where This lady is from But in Our foster parent hand book it says children can share a room But all need there own beds If you have a double bed The Children must be the same s*x and from the same family. You can have more than 2 children in the same room as long as there are enough beds AND are all girls or Boys so These Kids in the Twin Beds are a NO NO..As to someones coment on the money There are a lot of Good caring people who foster because they care and there are a lot of Kids in need of a good place to live..The Money here is  $25. a day and you have to feed them and buy cough medicine all personal hygene items  and clothes So its not alot since its a 24/7 job.Some people are not sure what Foster Parents get and think they get lots of money. FOR example  I have a new born baby and he has colic he is up 4-5 times at night he cries when you leave the room he needs constant attention BUT I Love him..Most people would not even babysit a colicy baby never mind live with one.. This is way less than you pay for your child for day care.  My home is Inspected alot and the workers come for Frequent Visits which I welcome. In some cases the Foster Parents can not work Because they might have a Special needs Child and Quite often a FAS child which needs Constant supervision..It Is very hard sometimes But When I spend time with the Kids and see How Well they are improving It Is all worth it.. They need more foster Parents with good intentions and a loving home to care for them.. Yes there are some poeple who just do it for a paycheck But usually the agencies can see through those people.. I would Report anything you think is Wrong or what the Kids tell you and let the Agencies investigate Usually if the Kids can talk the Workers take them aside at their  home visits and ask them questions They even ask My Own Son I am fine with that That shows me they care about there kids too. I would never make a child watch anyone else eat at a resturant that is Cruel. It is hard to dicipline a foster child we are to use the Time out rule and thats it.. I think she may have violated a law there. Keep an eye out and document all your finding to have a stronger case.. Good luck

Answer 9

I would report it... if you are making a big deal out of nothing, then social services won't take the kids away.  If there is something to be done, then hopefully social services will do something.

It is wierd... where I live foster kids HAVE to have their own bedrooms.  There isn't allowed to be any sharing of bedrooms.

Answer 10

Make the call and let social services make the decision.

Answer 11

The situation may be different than what it appears.  To begin with, a lot of foster parents do not work, because caring for the children is a full-time job.  Most of these children have been through pretty horrible circumstances in their lives, and need lots of supervision.    Her story about not leaving her other house empty makes sense.  When people come to look at a house, they like to see how it looks furnished, and it is more likely to sell.   In regard to the twin size bed being shared by two girls, perhaps one of them does not like to sleep alone, and WANTS to be in the bed with the other one.  It might be crowded, certainly, but maybe it is comforting to one or both of the kids.   And it doesn't sound like she's starving the child in question if she gave her a sandwich when she got home.  The child may not have told you what she did to be punished.  

Being a foster parent is not an easy job.  Many children in the foster care system have serious behavioral problems.  It doesn't sound to me like there is any real abuse or injury going on here.   By all means keep an eye on the situation, but I don't think you would get any serious attention by reporting the incidents you described.

Answer 12

Ok as someone who is about to be a foster parent here is a few things.  One the money you get is not that much If you take care of the kids correctly you loose money. With that said some of the things you said are a violations and some aren't and some should of been caught by the social work.  In my opinion this is what you should report and why.

Not working is not reportabel they know that already.  sharing a room is not agaisnt regulations but sleeping on the floor is.  The Social worker may know because of what you said about leaving the house empty my guess is she is the one that made them move the furniture over or she did it befoe the social worker came for their visit.    Sharing a bed is a BIG NO NO . Every child must have a bed and it can't be a sofa bed, cot or daybed must have thier own bed.  She may have one for when the worker comes but that is a reportabel.   The food thing is harsh, I would never do it even with my own kids but you aren't allowed to spank foster kids and since whe fed them when she got home that is not abuse or neglect it is her form of parenting.    If she did not feed them at all that would be reportabel.

She sounds horribel but it also looks like she is on the border of the law.  Just doing enough not to get caught.  I would make a call and report all your concerns even the ones i said are not offense. Why?  because that will make them watch her more closeley. Also the social worker for the kids will make more frequent visits.   This will make her clean up her act.

Answer 13

i think u should

its probably anoying to bother's sumones business but its a life of a person

they cant just watch others eat 4 their punishment

even if i have kids , and want 2 give them punishments i would never do that

its like , 4 me , its only bcuz its not her child she shouldnt mistreat them

its very sad

Answer 14

Who knows what is really going on and only if you report it can you then have done your duty as a citizen.  It may not be as it seems but just in case.....

OH and the five children in two rooms, that can be standard ni foster care because they ahve to overload the homes because not enough people stepping up to help.  But beds are needed yes absolutely.

Answer 15

Unless you have actually seen the bed situation yourself, don't assume.  These kids are probably better off there than

in their previous situations.  Most states have laws regarding

foster kids and bed sharing, room sharing.  Make a phone call and let the social services do their job.  As far as going out to eat and having to watch everyone else eat.......sounds

mean. Did the child happen to tell what this punishment was for?

Answer 16

Yes call human services..Plus Human services usually takes away the children when the foster parents move to a new town to give them time to get settled...I dont think your over reacting at all just call human services tell them her full name the address and tell them whats going on its not a crime to say something or be worried

Answer 17

If there is ANY concern, you could call the social worker (SW)and be anonyomus.  I'd report all the information you have and let the SW decide.  

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with the boys/girls bedroom situations  you mention...  but the sleeping on the floor part is probably against the rules/law...  along with the no food part.  That's just horrible.

Answer 18

If the children are coming to you and others, then it seems like a cry for help. I would probably make a phone call so they will get someone out there to check there living conditions! What child should have to live like that. I know I would never have mine or anyone elses children sharing a twin size bed! Make that call!

Good Luck!

Answer 19

Do you personally know this family? I say think before you report...you may just be causing undue problems...They don't let just anyone foster...and what is to say 2 bedrooms is not enough? Way back when before the homes were "mansions" children always shared rooms....

Answer 20

If you suspect abuse/neglect, you should call the Department of Children's and Family Services, Department of Social/Human Services (or whatever it is called in your area) and let them know what you are seeing.  Children need to be protected.  It's better to err on the side of caution.

Answer 21

These kids aren't being physically abused so why would you report her and have them bounced around to other foster homes?  As for her punishments, are you going to go around reporting every parent you disagree with?  Its great that you are looking out for the well being of these children but they have a home to live in, and they aren't being abused.  It would probably do them more harm to be ripped out of the home of a woman they've been with for so long.  Think of the consequences of your actions.

Answer 22

I would definitely have a social worker go and check it out- it worries me a bit too. Especially when the children have come to you.

Answer 23

Denying a child the necessities of life "food" is a form a child abuse.  You should probably report it.  It doesn't hurt to make a call, you could be saving a child's life.  What she is doing is unacceptable.  Children need their own beds, even if they share a room.

Answer 24

There is never anything wrong with making a Concern Report to CPS..... these are important if later there is a problem and they look over the reports and find records of concern...

Usually, CPS will not jump in--at most the caseworkers will be contacted and the mother checked---as she should be routinely.....

The fact there are two households bothers me---Are we sure there hasn't been some big change in the family ???

I would just make a report--people should not feel so worried--about letting the state know when they see something fishy!

Answer 25

It probably wouldn't hurt to have somebody check the situation out.

Answer 26

i would call you department of childrens services and have someone check it out... if you are wrong, then good. but if you are right, then  you will saving 5 children and possibly anyother child she tries to get. do what your heart wants you to do... your intuition is probably right.

Answer 27

The children need to be protected.  Call if you haven't done so already at least to have Child Protective Services check up on the situation.

Jen