Should I report this possible child abuse?

Question

My ex wife is dating a man (well call bill) that has a history of violence and even has a domestic violence restraining order on him from his last wife. Needless to say I really don't like this man around my two daughters, but to my knowledge (and I'm 100% sure he hasn't) done anything to my daughters.

However, about 2 months ago my youngest daughter (2 1/2) was playing on my bed while I was getting ready for work. She suddenly pinned her stuffed monkey to the bed by its neck and started babble yelling at it. I went to my ex and asked where she had seen this and she assured me she didn't know, so I filed it away. About 3 weeks ago my oldest daughter (5 1/2) grabbed her cousin by the neck during an argument and told her to shut her mouth. When I asked her about it she became really shy (something she NEVER is). Before I could question her further there was an accident that required stitches and the issue was "forgotten" until this last weekend when I saw it again when she got into an argument with a cousin. I took her inside and told her to tell me where she saw that. She again became really shy and almost afraid. But after a few minutes she told me that she had watched Bill grab his daughter Sarah by the neck and pin her to the wall before pushing her nose into a corner. I did ask my ex who says shes never seen anything like that. The problem is, her best friend talks to me and told me that my ex had told her she saw red marks on Sarah's neck from where Bill grabbed her.

I'm really torn here on what to do. As a teacher I'm required to report even suspected abuse but I'm deathly afraid of retaliation from Bill.

Should I report this?

Answer 1

Be very sure before you do. Kids will say anything, even if it's not true, and you could ruin this person's life. And if he's not sexually abusing her, it may not even be that serious.

Answer 2

this is a tough one.  especially when kids can pick up this behaviour from tv or video games, or even school.

take your kids, separately, into another room and question them without each others influence.  make them very comfortable with you and reassure them they are not in trouble.  tell them you love them.  ask them to tell you if anything is "bothers" them when they visit mom.  reassure them repeatedly they are not in trouble and that you just want to make sure they are happy at moms.

if they don't say anything, then ask them what they think of bill.

either way, you need to report what the girls said they saw when bill grabbed sarah, and voice your concerns about your own children.

Answer 3

YES call the police too, your ex wife may be in danger from this man as well as your children.

You dont have to be 100% sure when you do this. Do you really want to take that risk?

Answer 4

If this were any other family, you'd report him. - YOUR daughters deserve your protection!...A heart-to-heart talk with the ex may help you "deal" with the issue (Bill), but it sounds like she may not know how to handle him, either. - You need the law on your side, my friend.

Answer 5

If it was just the one incident with the stuffed animal I would say it's probably nothing.  But the fact that your older daughter is acting aggressive and violent would really concern me.  Plus the fact that she clams up when you ask her about it.  I would report this to social services and look into requesting supervised visitation if what your daughter is saying is true.

Answer 6

Report it! If this man is abusing your ex-wife and his own daughter, he will eventually abuse your children. He is at least doing it in front of them which is bad enough.

Part of your responsibilities as a father is to take an active role in the safety of your children. Obviously this man is a bully and need to be stopped.

.

Answer 7

you are in a very difficult situation but any abuse needs to be reported if they have done it once they will do it again and your children and this mans own children and any other children this man comes into contact with you will be protecting they will end up doing it worse. i no how you feel but you have to report it.

Answer 8

You said it yourself...as as teacher, you're required to report suspected abuse. I'm studying to be a healthcare professional, and we go by those same rules. Aside from the fact that it's the morally right thing to do, you wouldn't want to lose your license if it was discovered that you possibly knew the kids were in an abusive situation.

I understand that you want to maintain a positive relationship with your ex-wife and her family, but I think the safety of the children in this situation should come first.

I'd also recommend limiting the time that your children spend over there, but that's probably not feasible if your ex-wife is their mother.

I sincerely hope that everything turns out for the best for you.

Answer 9

Absolutely you should report it and press charges on your ex wife.  If your ex wife knows about the domestic restraining order on her current boyfriend, then you can press charges for child endangerment or neglect.  Her first responsibility are the children and if she is letting her boyfriend lay a hand on those kids then she has no business keeping them in the house or having a boyfriend period.  Where are her priorities, him or her kids? where is her dignity?  Honestly your wife is old enough to know what is right and wrong.  She should care enough about her children to know that what he is doing is uncalled for and dangerous.  

Answer 10

You should report it!  You can't be too careful.  You have to look out for the safety of your daughter!

Answer 11

DEFINITELY REPORT IT!!!!!