Should I respect the soldiers wish, or try to make him understand

Question

Hello all. I am back now after a short vacation. For those of you who don't know of me, I am a g*y man, a part of code pink protesting, and I attend UC Berkeley. I recently posted about advice over a double date dinner I was having with my cousin, her fiance who just got back from the war in afghanistan, and my boyfriend. I didn't know how to have a conversation, because he is back now and was not aware of my homosexuality, or of my involvment with code pink.

Well we had dinner, and the conversation got moved to war protesting and I really thought my cousin would fill him in on what I am and what I do, and I was wrong. So I just confessed everything about me he did not know, and now he is pissed. He and I knew each other for a while, and he basically threw away our past because I am g*y and a peace protester. He says he wants me destroyed, bruised, beaten, etc, you know the same thing you all have said.

Anyway, this is different because I know this guy. Should I just let it go and let him hate me forever, or try to talk with him and explain things, and if so, then how do I do it? Being you all are military buffs, I figured you all would know best how to talk to a soldier in this situation.

Peace be to you all.

Answer 1

Honestly, I think your cousin should have filled him in about what you do when you aren't working or in class.  It would have saved all of you the embarassment of the blowup you had with him.  Although I don't agree with anti-war protesters since they get most of their information from the media instead of people who actually serve I respect their opinion as long as it doesn't turn into outright insults of service members or the country in general.

Your average service member doesn't have any respect for Code Pink after they called General Petreaus (the MNF-Iraq commander) a liar in the middle of a Congressional hearing.  A respected four-star general who joined the army before most of us was even born was called a liar despite being on the ground seeing things in person.  I'm not sure what your personal beliefs are but you will be looked down upon for being a part of Code Pink.  Your sexual oritation shouldn't matter but for some people it will be an issue.

You can try to talk to him but I doubt he will change his mind.  Maybe your cousin can talk to him for you.  Either way, you might as well get used to being hated by service members everywhere for your beliefs since Code Pink is looked at as anti-military in general.

Answer 2

I'm sorry but don't you think this should be the last place to look for an honest oppinion on this subject? None of the military guys could even ome close to an unbiased or realistic perspective on this subject. They are trained/brainwashed to believe your way is wrong, no question. wait for him to appologize for being so rude but you should forgive him he is not thinking clearly right now or maybe not for awhile.    

Answer 3

As much as I dislike code pink, i respect that you aren't backing down from your convictions...kudos. But, being a solider, it's VERY frustration to hear people blame you for all the bad things, and that we are bad people for fighting...blah blah blah. We do what we are told by those higher than us...so anyway....

Just coming from war is a VERY tramatic experience..I haven't been yet. I leave soon though. And what you see out there is NOTHING you could ever dream up. The news only tells so much of the story...you know, it glams it up. But, you should let the solider cool down. I'm sure he doesn't hate you, and all those things you said...don't take it personally. He is just angry that (i assume) a very good friend of his is protesting what he does. And, I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot...you'd feel the same way.

As for your prefrence...nah, i doubt that has anything to do with it. When soliders get hot...we say whatever comes to mind first...again, dont take it personal.Umm..not to sound mean, or hateful, but if he has a combat job, "g*y" is a term used alot for men who c**p out, or stuff that is BS in military...again, nothing personal, just a bunch of infantry men who havent showered in months, and who sleep on the ground and so on and so talk about.

Let he relax, and depending on if you made a scene or not, i would privatly apologize. Just remember...the key is respect.  

Answer 4

I am a former Marine Sgt. Scout Sniper and Disabled Veteran in service of my country. I am from the Old Corps and will say this...he layed his life down for this country. Jesus said, no man has greater love than this, to lay his life down for a friend. Your views of this war are on the homefront and on the battlefield. This is not a time to haggle with details of war in his life. It took me twenty years to start to get normal again. God Bless him and I will support him at home and care for him when every last man standing walks away, you can bet on that. Sometimes us Veterans are all we have for each other, so it makes no matter what you think of him or the war. He'll always have us, the Veterans caring for Veterans, noone else knows the horror of war. You may be a peace protester acting with what you feel....but don't ever let this Marine see you spiting on one at the airport, I'll break my foot off in your ***.

Answer 5

hmmm I'm a peace protester too and if he said that to me, he would have his upper jaw pulled over the back of his head.

Don't be too peaceful, mate.

DOWN WITH THE FASCISTS!!!

lol desfend, it makes "since" to me. If we fight for peace, we must fight agains those who threaten peace.

PS: What is Code Pink though??? Can I join???

Answer 6

You want to make the soldier understand? You don't know what you're talking about. Why would he care to "understand."

Do you realize the old bat that runs code pink said Cuba had the best form of government in the world? Do you also know that she and whoever she was living with at the time were run out of Cuba by that "best form of government"? And know where she went from Cuba? The US. Why? Because this terrible form of government was the only one that would tolerate her.

Do you realize that your ability to speak your mind at all is because of soldiers and the freedoms for which they've fought and died?

Do you realize that you don't know enough about anything to convince anybody with at least a modicum of intellect of anything. UCB? Is that place still accredited?

Are you so selfish as to think that only you and code pink have the right to your points of view and that the rest of us should break from all common sense and logic and agree with you?

I live in a veterans retirement home. We have a program for guys who've come back from Iraq and Afghanistan with "baggage." Had you said something to the wrong one of them, you might not be here right now.

I'd let him hate you forever. Actually, if he's smart, he won't bother hating you. To him, you're probably not worth the effort. You certainly aren't worth the effort to me. I don't have the time or interest in hating people who are ignorant.

Here are some quotes by people of whom you may have heard. Since you only have a UCB education, I'm sorry there are no pictures.

“Pacifists are among the most immoral of men - they make no distinction between aggression and defense. Therefore, pacifism is one of the greatest allies an aggressor can have.” (Patrick Henry)

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." (George Orwell)

“War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing that is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.” (John Stewart Mill)

“These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like h**l, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: ” (Thomas Paine)

"Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind." (George Orwell)

"Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary." (Robert Louis Stevenson)

Answer 7

Troll.

Answer 8

I guarantee that he does not care about your sexuality, or maybe personally he might not like it, but your affiliation with code pink is what made him want to cause you harm.  We have all seen the videos of that "peaceful" group and the pure lunacy of its members.  I have seen them call Marines baby killers, mindless idiots and the like, put down our country and ignorantly interrupt meetings whenever possible.  I hate you people too.....code pink, not g*y people, i honestly could care less about that, but code pink is misguided and all they want is television time, not to truly bring peace to this country.

Answer 9

Think of it this way, could he ever say anything to make you understand him?  If not, then do not try to make him understand you.  

Answer 10

First off you need to realize who you are and and what your about. Do not impose your beliefs onto him or even try to get him to understand. The reason why is same the reason why I wouldn't let it happen to me. Don't try and change me and I probably won't try to change you. If he has built up anger towards the whole g*y pride thing it's probably for a reason. Mainly core values. You say peace protester but what are you fighting for? Are you going to join the military? And if not then try your hardest not to jump on the bandwagon. Honestly no one really cares if your g*y or not. It just seems like most g**s try their hardest to step into the light and put it out there. Why? If your happy then live happy but don't drag others into it.

Answer 11

You have just hit him between the eyse with a big hunk of 4x2. You have just told him of your sexuality which he probably can't understand why 2 men would want to have s*x together and in his mind goes against all the laws of nature.

You have just told him you are a war protester. In effect you have told him what he is doing is wrong. He spends his life in very dangerous situations thinking, rightly or wrongly, that he is making a difference protecing those who can't protect themselves due to a type of anarchy or oppression.

You wonder why he is pissed?

Fact is you obviously have vastly different opinions on life. Unless he comes round and is able to put those differences to one side you will never have a freindship with him again.

Do not badger him otherwise he will only get angrier. He needs time to come round and accept you for what you are. He may never accept this and that is something you will have to accept.

Unfortunatly protesters tend to blame the soldier personally alot of the time for their role. Remember these soldiers beleive they are performing a just cause.

Just back off and see if time will heal the wound.

You were right to be honest with him.

I do not agree with your sexuality or your political veiws but I would fight to the death to protect your right to express those veiws.

That is what he is doing.

Answer 12

The problem is that his hostility towards you isn't rational. It's based on your gender preference and your political viewpoint instead of being based on who you actually are as a person, how good a friend you might be, how loyal you are to your family, whether you're a good, honest person, etc. So since it's not entirely based on reason and rationality, you might find it difficult or impossible to talk to him and explain things to change his attitude. That attitude is based in prejudice, not on reason, so using reason to reach him will probably not work. All you can hope for is that eventually he wises up and his attitudes change by themselves as he matures.

Answer 13

I think you should respect his wishes

The way he reacted was horrible in my opinion

and even though you have a past with him

you should not want to be involved with someone

that has those feelings and views

Answer 14

Respect his wishes. You lost his respect when you lost your patriotism.

******.

Okay, the ***** below me makes no sense. How in the h**l are you going to be a peace protester and get into a fight with a soldier. Isnt that kind of defeating the point of being a PEACE protester?

wouldnt that make you just as bad as the soldier thats in iraq?

Moron.

Answer 15

I did try to warn you not to make this a surprise to him. I told you to call him before hand and inform him that you are g*y and a "peace" protester. I also warned you that men and women coming home from war do not like surprises. Well i would give him a few days to come to terms with this news and then try to call him and try to mend things. Good luck. I do hope he comes around.  

Answer 16

Respect his wishes and leave him alone.  We don't need more people like you making life harder for returning military members.  When you've been in combat and return to individuals like you, it's a whole lot different.  Let him live his life.