Should I return the engagement ring if he called it off?

Question

He called off the engagement and now he's telling me and going around telling others to tell me to return it. We had everything ready for the wedding except his and the grooms men's tuxes and the food (which my parents were going to take care of the expenses). I paid for everything out of my own pocket and he said he'll help me pay for it later. Since there's no wedding, he's asking for the ring back. I didn't cheat on him. I didn't treat him horrible. He called it off because supposedly his family and obviously him, think that I'm not pretty enough for him - they don't care that i know how to cook, that i'm great with kids, that i'm faithful to him, and that i'm a good person.

With all that he's put me through, I have no feelings for him. I'm not holding on to the ring because i'm holding on to him.

should I sell it and use it to cover the expenses of the wedding things i already purchased? should I return it to him? should I return it and ask him to send me half of what I spent on the wedding costs? If so, how should I do that?

Answer 1

The law says that because he broke it off, you get to keep it. I would recommend selling it and paying for the wedding costs. If that doesnt cover it, you could take him to a small claims court and get him to pay for half because you paid for it all and he broke up with you for no real reason!

Answer 2

Keep the ring. He owes you for half of what you already spent on the wedding, He called it off, so the other half of what you may get for the ring is yours for all of the c**p he has put you through. You had no idea that he felt this way about you? Do you really think if you give him the ring back , he'll give you money for the things you already paid for?? Think again NOOO! He'll have the ring back and tell you to bad sucker. Your are not obligated to give it back, only because he called the wedding off. This was a case on Judge Judy and the girl didn't have to give the ring back because the groom called the wedding off.

Answer 3

Sell the ring to cover your expenses.  Have friends spread the word around that he was the one who called it off, leaving you heartbroken, owing you money and has the nerve to ask for the ring back.  Don't let people think you are the bad, greedy person here, stand up for yourself!

Answer 4

Of course you return the ring, it was symbolic of the promise to marry.

Get whatever money you can out of him - I think you see you made a mistake for paying for things yourself, but you can always try going through his mom, or even to small claims court.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, there is no law on this. But generally, etiquette states that if the man breaks off the engagement due to nothing of your doing, you should get to keep the ring. If you break it off, you should return it.  

Answer 6

Keep the ring!!!!!  If he is going to be an idiot and lose a girl over looks and what other people think, he is a loser anyways.  Sell the ring and use the money for something fun for you...a trip perhaps???

Answer 7

I have heard that the right thing to do is to return the ring...but i don't agree with that.  Firstly, what is he going to do with it anyway?  He can't give it to another girl and if he does that is just horrible.  Secondly, by what you described you should keep the ring and sell it to pay of some of the debt.  If you know that you can return the ring and he will pay you for the debt then maybe you should just to stop people from hassling you otherwise keep it!  It was terrible what he did and especially the timing of when he did it.  If he can't ask you himself to return it and has to get people to do his asking for him then he really deserves to lose it anyway!

Answer 8

probably.

it would just remind you off the relationship he ended

Answer 9

Hmmm...typically when an engagement ends, you are supposed to return the ring. However, if he was going to help you pay for wedding and didn't, honestly, I think I would sell it to recoup your losses and then give him the difference.

Answer 10

Sounds like you are better off, but that isn't the point. I'll answer you the same way I did someone else. The ring was a gift and thus you can do whatever you please with it. I know some feel that it is a "conditional gift" one that truly becomes yours when the actual wedding takes place, but to me that sounds ridiculous. Who ever heard of a conditional gift? I'll tell you who... "Indian Givers". True the ring symbolizes the promise to unite in marriage; however, the wedding ring symbolizes the promise to spend your lives together and I don't see people expecting divorcees to give back their wedding bands. That's because they don't. Either way you probably need to research your state law, because some states do have that "conditional gift" statute. Some state that the despite who broke off the engagement if one party was "wronged" then that individual is entitled to keep the ring. Either way you need to speak to someone (try calling your local court house and asking to speak with someone in the property law department) who knows what applies to your state. I checked mine and didn't find anything IN THE ACTUAL CODE (I checked the online publication of all laws on the state website) I will say this; if for some reason you do give it back you need to take steps to file a civil suit either at your JP's office (most hear civil cases filed up to $5000) or a small claims court against him for the money for the wedding. I wouldn't pay too much attention to those who say it will only "remind" you of him. You need to think in terms of your financial future, which might mean a trip to the pawn shop one of these days. ;o) Good luck and sorry this is so long!  

Answer 11

Since he broke it off then you get to keep the ring. It was a gift to you. You only should give it back if you broke it off. I think you should sell it for money to pay for the wedding costs and still ask him to pay for half of what you have spent since he said he would.

Answer 12

I would keep it.  An engagement ring is a gift, plain and simple.  Think about it, do you need an engagement ring to get married?  No.  All you need to get married is wedding bands.  

With him calling it off such late notice, I would not feel in any way obligated to return it.

I would ask him for the money he owes to cover the costs of the wedding already incurred.  Unfortunately, by the way he seems to be acting, don't plan on getting any $$$ from him.

You can sell the ring on Ebay - e-mail him the link and tell him if he wants it back, he'll have to win the auction!

Good luck!

Answer 13

Return it. Legally speaking, the ring is a symbol of the agreement to marry. If that agreement is not performed, then those involved should be restored to their former positions -- and the ring should be returned to the person who first had it.

After all, no-fault divorce makes it possible for marriages to end without bitter court fights over whose fault it was; engagements are treated the same way.

Those people telling you to keep the ring as  "gift" are wrong-- an engagement ring is a "conditional gift"-- i.e. it is given as a promise to marry. You did not marry, so therefore the conditions of you keeping the ring are void.

As for the cost of the wedding, you can ask him to pay for half, and take him to small claims court if needed. But the ring is not to be held  or sold for "ransom"

Answer 14

He called it off, so that's his loss.

You have the right to sell the ring or do whatever you wish with it.

Selling it doesn't sound like a bad idea, to help pay off what you've already spent.

Answer 15

KEEEEEP IT!!! that jerk needs to get a reality check, because you are a much better person than he'll ever be..and its ultimately his loss that his pride/family influence got the best of him! Treat yourself to something special, because you deserve it!! :)

Answer 16

I agree with peanut81. Place your ring on ebay, or simply sell . It would be the most hilarious thing ever. He sounds like a complete idiot and immature person. It does sound to me that he will not ever pay you for what you spent. Tell him to leave you alone, otherwise you will take him to a small claims court. If you have receipts and can prove that he made you lose all that money, you can take him to court. DO NOT GIVE IT BACK! Good luck!

Answer 17

Whether you have the legal right to it would depend on the court, and the particular laws they wish to follow.  Since he's the one who broke off the engagement, and it's not clear-cut who would get the ring, I think you should keep it.  If he wants to, he can try to sue you for it, and he may or may not be able to get it back that way.  But otherwise, I would just keep it if I were you.  

Answer 18

He broke it off so you get to keep the ring.  He gave it to you...like a gift and therefor it is yours.  if you borke it off then the right thing to do would be to return it to him.  since that isnt the case though...the ring is yours.  as for the wedding expenses...he is obligated to pay back at least half of what you put out.  any court of law would force him to do so.  I would be telling him he best be getting is butt in gear to help pay off the expenses before you see him in court.  I'm sorry this happened, but dont let him walk all over you.

edit:  lol violet pearl is making no sense.  an engagement ring doesnt come with a contract or anything saying if you dont marry then it has to be returned.  its a gift...simple as that.  marriage does not require an engagement ring.  he has no proof this was an engagement ring (I got an "engagement ring" as the store called it for my birthday one year because thats what he picked out and liked for me)  if he breaks it off...it is yours to keep to sell to pay off expenses if you so wish to.

Answer 19

Honey, the ring is yours.

Tell him you are keeping it and if he doesn't like it he can take you to court.

You would win because the law states whoever breaks up the engagement, he or she doesn't get the ring.

If you are over him, sell the ring to cover your expenses, then with the rest go with the girlfriends on a vacation!

Answer 20

I would ask for 1/2 & 1/2 payment first.  

once that happens THEN return the ring.  if he doesn't pay - pawn the ring & pay your debts.  his loss all the way around!

Answer 21

F**K HIM!   Keep the ring honey ~ I'm sorry!

Answer 22

the ring was a gift to you, it is yours and you can do whatever you want with it, I wouldn't give it back, I think it is a good idea to sell it for expenses.