Should I say sorry?

Question

Every single night I make dinner for my family.. with no thanks at all. Mothers day came around and i got my mum heaps.. made her breakfast and all that.. even went to see my brother play soccer! Then dinner comes around and being a vegetarian i clearly dont eat meat.

My family has cooked... Tuna Salad, Bacon Alfredo, Steak & Sausages .....

I was really hurt that they didnt make anything for me.. and wen i asked them if there was anything with no meat the reply was...

You are a vegetarian.. You will have to make your own meals. I was really upset and went out for a walk and then to bed.

Just now my step father came into my room and tells me i need to apologise to everyone.

Should I apologise? I feel hard done by :(

Answer 1

they need to apologize to you.they did not cook you dinner and you felt very bad.they did something wrong to you.so they have to say sorry to you.it sounds like they have something against Vegetarians

Answer 2

What does he want you to apologize for? The fact that you didn't eat a meal that you clearly couldn't because you're a vegetarian? Thus apologizing for being vegetarian? You shouldn't have to apologize and let your step-father know this. I wouldn't bother cooking any more meals for your family members either since they are so inconsiderate of your choice to be vegetarian. You had every right to be upset that your family doesn't support your decision to be healthy and live a vegetarian lifestyle.

Answer 3

in this situation it's best to clear the air, if not it will always come up in some ways. some others gave some good advice about explaining how you feel. but it sounds like you will have to make your own accomodations.

Answer 4

My role in all this was to make her feel better. Better than what?

Answer 5

there is a fine line here...i mean say your brother was the only one who ate meat and all you made was vegetarian should he get upset if he wants meat and has to make it himself....would you care.....the best thing to do is say im sorry but also say that you want an apology aswell for not being taken into consideration during meal times....trust me it feels better to get your parents to say sorry than it is for u.

Answer 6

You feel hard done by ?

Perhaps you should all sit down and watch the news about Burma and China.

If you are half-human, it will end any sulking over who cooks dinner.

Sorry, but i just don't see why this minor walk-out requires advice from this forum.

Communiate with them, "I'm sorry i walked out and sulked - that was childish, I was just upset that i seem to cook all the time for you and you didn't cook for me"

To be honest, it just sounds like basic lack of consideration on both sides and little to do with them not wanting to support vegetarianism..

If you make dinner every single night then this was thier first time to cook dinner, right ? They made a simple mistake.So what ?

You could have also said "whats for dinner then ? Its nice to see other cook for a while, what am i having ?" You could have figured out they have never cooked vegetarian food for you before and helped them subtly with ideas.

If you think you are a hero for going to see your brother play soccer, I think you might be in for few shocks throughout your life. Believe me, you'll be expected to accomodate others in life far more than having to go and watch your brother play soccer.

I know I'l get lots of thumbs down, but it does sound like you sulked, and people are perhaps forgetting that yours is just one side of the story.

I've been a veggie for 28 years, and never felt the need to assume people will cook for me, regardless of what i do for them. i do things for people because i WANT to, not because i expect a reward.

Answer 7

I am so sorry that you are going through this rough patch. While you have nothing to apologize for per se preparing food for yourself is probably a good idea. While it sounds like a pure case of projection and blaming the victim to me, you need to recognize several things about the situation which you may be too young to know how to articulate when we expect things from others and they are not forthcoming. The sad truth is that you cannot change anyone other than yourself. So in the interest of maintaining what positive feelings you have among you, don't allow this dietary difference between you become a gigantic elephant in the room. Be the wonderfully conscientious, loving person that you are, and take care of your needs.

Often times the people who are the most critical and unbending are also the most sensitive at some level and are feeling terribly guilty for their choices, and attitudes. That gets compounded by the uncomfortable feelings it arouses and naturally you are blamed for the whole thing. The challenge is to recognize it, not take responsibility for what is not your doing but to cheerfully, lovingly carry on with your life living up to your convictions. If other people, even your own family, have lost their common sense and courtesy it is no reason for us to do the same. Take the moral high road here with your family in the same way you are with your food choices -- do not retaliate. Lovingly, secretly, pray for their well being and carry on in your cheerfully giving style. Love knows service and sacrifice. Love is selfless. Love is focused on the wellbeing of the 'other' serving selflessly -- without any hope of, thought of, desire for recognition or similar treatment in return.

Maturity recognizes that while life isn't fair on the surface of things, change happens slowly and only through a change of heart. A change of heart only takes place with an awakening of genuine love which is more likely to happen in a genuinely loving environment.

Keep the focus off of your personal hurt in this situation and remember that your family is still your family. While they may appear to be ignorant of what is appropriate, their path through life may simply be different from yours. Often times in the real world of business, commerce, even the military -- leadership takes place from the bottom up. You have stepped onto a path of leadership perhaps all unknowingly -- but it does create opportunities for growth  -- for everyone -- doesn't it? Just remember why you are engaged in this lifestyle in the first place.

Life is precious. Family is precious. There is entirely too much pain in this world and you do not want to contribute to it. That being the case remember that we humans deserve the same care and concern from one another that we want to extend to the animals. Furthermore -- unlike the animals in the factory farms -- we have both complex emotions and wily minds that genuinely distort and deny the truth of both situations and our feelings which we ourselves may not even begin to understand. In our human ignorance we almost always fail to perceive the other point of view as having any validity.  So my dear, welcome  to the human condition. It is an amazing journey and well worth the effort toward self-discovery.

All that being said, however, rather than an apology a genuine 'Thank you' is probably in order -- but it is equally unlikely that they would understand that either at this moment. So don't say it. It would only be perceived as flippant and get you in more trouble with them. Just know that there is a genuine gift underneath their seemingly callous behavior -- accept the opportunity for growth and carry on. Good luck and may God bless you in all things.

Answer 8

You don't need to apologize for ANYTHING.  You were completely justified in your reaction.  If he says that again, tell him that you don't see why you should have to.

Just remember that you are only at home for a short time.  It won't be long until you are on your own.  Just do what you have to until that day comes.  

I know you are confused and upset.  I guess you are just taking one for the animals.  It shouldn't be like that in your house, but unfortunately some people are just so rude and nasty.

Remember the animals and your health to get you through it.  It is so great that you are a vegetarian.  You are doing the right thing.  Good luck to you and you can message me on here if you need to talk more.  I feel for you :)

Answer 9

The biggest biggest problem I think is when you have hearty proud meat eaters and then somebody says " I want to be a vegetarian". This causes lots of internal fights and issues. The reality is that the average person cannot imagine a world not eating meat! Funny that! So your parents probably think that if they treat you such you will "Come to your senses and eat meat - because "" its healthy, its better for you, they live on weedy grass things, vegetarians are tree huggers, we don't take hippies seriously, meat is the only source of protein, growing people cannot live on grass etc.

Of course they may believe these things but you and I know better. Being vegetarian or vegan is very healthy. Your parents sound like they are trying to be cruel to be kind. They are hoping you will "come to your senses". Its their ignorance which is the problem. I would not apologise just say " I am sorry you don't realise how hard I have worked cooking dinner last week and getting mum gifts and making breakfast. I feel you guys have been really unfair. I respect you why cant you respect me. Making food I cant eat is not being flexible or respectful. I am very disappointed". Then I would leave it dont yell, dont cry then a few days later print some info on vegetarianism.

You really have to stick up for yourself. Yu have made the decision to be a vegetarian so don't apologise. Be proud unfortunately you will alway come up on this topic all the time. I am a 60+ year old vegetarian and even today when I go to family gatherings I am met with "Oh your a vegetarian!" its a flat statement said with dismay as if their will be Nothing to eat.

When I was 14 I decided I did not wnat to eat meat or participate in the killing of animals so basically I lived on Tomatoe sandwiches, lettuce, tomatoe and onion sandwiches, vegetable soup, tomatoe soup and later lentils. Although in those days lentils were "foreighn food or ethnic food and looked upon scornfully".

Now days I host many family gatherings and my meals are diverse, healthy and better than the meat recipes.

How does french lentil salad sound? Or chick pea salad sound, mixed leaf salad? Lentil and vegetable soup? Muchroom strudel? or how about

Fresh Pea and Mint Soup with Croûtons

- Vegetable Couscous

- Vegetable Paella

- Griddled Aubergine Stacks

- Strawberry Zabaglione

or

Roasted Vegetable Tart with Sesame Pastry

- Mediterranean Grilled Vegetables

- Peach Dream

- Cornish Saffron Soup

- Wild Mushroom Pudding

or

Wild mushroom soup with port

- Soubise

- Pumpkin and watercress gnocchi with green and purple basil

- Baked vegetables in parchment

- Dairy free chocolate cake with raspberries

or

Milanese Roasted Vegetable Lasagne

- Grilled Salad with Mustard and Sherry Vinaigrette

- Swiss Chard with Lime

- Mushroom Crostini

- Strawberry and Fresh Fig Brûlé

or

Richmond Pie

This robust pie is filled with a mixture of chestnuts, walnuts and dried mushrooms. The filling is best prepared a day in advance. The pastry too can be prepared in advance and frozen. If you make it on the day, leave plenty of time so you can chill the dough thoroughly.

- Leek and Caraway Purée

- Spiced Cheese Savouries

- Creamy Truffle Sauce

- Bilberry Crumble Cake

or

- Parsnip Soup with Fresh Ginger

- Goat's Cheese and Hot Mushroom Salad

- Leek Mousse

- Fresh Tomato and Pepper Relish

- Apricot and Pecan Crumble

- Spiced Spinach and Tofu

- Golden Pine Kernel Pilau

or

- Chilli and lime roulade

- Smoked cheese crepe souffles

- Tofu and aduki filled cabbage leaves with chunky tomato sauce

- Vegetarian kievs with Moroccan red cabbage

- Malaysian curry mee with coriander noodles

- steamed ginger pudding with coconut cream

Vegetarian food does not have to be boring. Do some research and try to educate your parents. Good sites are veganwolf.com, http://asianveg.blogspot.com/, vegetarian society uk. http://www.ivu.org/recipes/, http://www.recipezaar.com/recipes.php?ca... http://www.boutell.com/vegetarian/cake.h... http://www.aboutmyarea.co.uk/Staffordshi... http://www.mayoclinic.com/print/legumes/... http://southernfood.about.com/od/crockpo... http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/1028/chi... http://www.kurma.net/recipes/index.html, http://www.theveggietable.com/recipes/eg...

Also learn to cook some of these vegetarian recipes and next time its your turn to cook dinner make some vegan/vegetarian and surprise them. Good luck, now is the time to stand up for your beliefs and be mature. Good luck

Answer 10

I think you have every right to be a little upset about this whole thing. You make dinner every night for them and that shows you care for and about them. They should also care enough for you to at least try to make something you would eat. It's true that people don't really understand the "vegetarian/vegan" whatever diets and make it your "problem" but because of your taking the responsibility to make the family meals a little give and take is in order for your family to cut you some slack this time.I think you family is out of line this time and owes you an opology, but don't expect it to happen. I think they are showing you a lot of disrespect this time. I would not say sorry to them unless I said something disrespectful to them. Just remember you still have to get along with your family and do what you have to to keep the peace. Good luck one this one, I hope it works out for you.

Answer 11

no absolutely not im sorry if i sound mean but that's messed up

Answer 12

tell your dad and mum that "im sorry too see you two in such a state of emotions but im even more hurt than both of you since i didnt do anything wrong at all and my preferences were not considered when you cooked all that meat..if at all the 2 of you really had concern for me,wouldnt you have at least made a fruit salad for me the least?Am i such a burden?"

Answer 13

Unless when you were upset you said something rude to your family or did something to them, you have no reason to apologize at all. You didn't do anything wrong just because you choose not to eat something that use to live.

Answer 14

i don't think you should apologize, but i think you need to sit down and have a talk with them.  you should point out to them that you've cooked dinner for them every single night and that you take into consideration their concerns. while they don't have to eat the same thing you eat every night and they don't have to be vegetarian, they should respect you.  it wouldn't kill them to cook one thing that you could eat, you are part of the family too right?  and tehy can eat non meat foods  too right?  i would hope they do sometimes.  that's rude of them and you need to have a talk with them.  and maybe you shouldn't be so generous with your cooking for them and such so that they will see all that you do.

Answer 15

Ask your stepfather what he thinks you need apologising for?

Explain to him and your mum that you believe you have done nothing wrong, I think the family was being inconsiderate to you.

If it was me, I would give up cooking for the family.  I really don't like cooking meat, most of the time I have to leave the house because I don't like the smell of it also.

Answer 16

No i am meat eater but my two sisters are vegetarian and the get thier meals made for them ,My older sister(mom) got her meals made for her and guesse what the family made it for her with no meat,the rest of her family eats meat.I think you had every right to be upset.

Answer 17

no way. in a fmily everone takes care of each other. no one should be selfish.talk it out I feel sorry for u As a mother ,icould never think in this manner.

Answer 18

NO! Your family have got the wrong idea. If you have been making dinner and you got your mum presents what is their problem. I would explain that you are hurt that you have been treated like this when you have tried and to make nothing with vegetarian meal is in your oppinion wrong. And I would ask him politely and nicely " What is there to appologise for. My feeling have been hurt after giving mum beautiful gifts and making dinner all last week and I am told to get my own vegetarian dinner. Families respect people's choices - its not as if I am a vegan ti leave me completely out of a family meal is wrong and I am quite hurt by this." And leave it that way. Your step father and mother are behaving very unfairly. I have vegetarians in the family I cater for them at EVERY meal - its not that hard - they could of made a plain alfredo or left some out without the bacon and they could of left the tuna out of the salad - just portion a bit off so what is their problem. The best way to cause nutitional problems is not to at least provide one nutitious vegetarian option - its not hard. I am disgusted in your parents for treating you like this!!!

Answer 19

I would humble myself and apologize but also use that opportunity to express why I left. you may even get an apology in return.