Should I scrap it? Another poem

Question

Work in progress--What do you think

Smile

You flash a smile

Used as a concealment

Jokes spilling outward

While barren in feeling

Disguised in your laughter

tears begin drumming

Inside the exterior

Worn bones are gunning

Words often spoken

In a confident tone

Uneasiness still lingers

And no one will know

You wear a mask

Sewn into the skin

Rehearsing your answers

With a two-faced grin

Blue stain in windows

A furrowed brow

Often an only witness

To the fugitive frown

Words from the broken

Try to ease the dejection

Yet walls still remain

And scream of rejection

Their must be a line

That’s not meant to crossed

The farce interfering

the connection is lost

Answer 1

No don't strap it! I think it gets even better & goes deeper from the middle to the end and I wondered if it may be unfinished as I actually felt the lost connection at the end. I think it is good don't throw it away. :)

Answer 2

I don't think it's a scrap. The stanzas that stand out to me are:

You wear a mask

Sewn into the skin

Rehearsing your answers

With a two-faced grin

Blue stain in windows

A furrowed brow

Often an only witness

To the fugitive frown

There must be a line

That’s not meant to crossed

The farce interfering

the connection is lost

Answer 3

And if I don't smile ...what would you think? On that note you force me to...Thanks DL

Answer 4

When I read that poem I literally got chills up the back of my spine (which is good :) ) so yeah, keep it. its good

Answer 5

I really think it's pretty darn good! It can be hard to write a poem with good meaning and you did a great job. It was shadowy and gloomy, but yet soft and smooth. I think it's something everyone can relate to, too! :D It's a keeper!

Answer 6

I love it!

It's got a dark vibe to it, but it doesn't sound like some emo ranting poem.

It's really good.

Answer 7

I liked the last three stanzas.  If you are trying to write in a sparse style , why not experiment with removal of words like a, the, in, and, to etc.  

Answer 8

that nearly made me cryyyy..! i think its one of those poems that you need to relate to appreciate. its really good anyway i dont know why you would think of scrapping it!?

Answer 9

"Hi!",

Again i am with Neonman. I wouldn't change any of the words except taking some unnecessary words like and, to, a. etc.

Than Perfecto!

Lovely Poem.

WELL DONE!

Cheers : )

Answer 10

You did it again..

you picked the lines that reach into my head, behind my eyes and smile...

..Is it real?

crossing that line sometimes although not meant to be

opens another door.

Keep the words flowing I like the direction they are going.