Should I separate from my husband?

Question

He and I have a child together that is not proven to be his I think the child is not his and he chooses not to know, I don't know where the possible real father is. My husband wants us to raise our child without our child knowing biological parentage. If we cannot see eye to eye on this should I separate for the sake of honesty for my child. He wants our child to think that they belong to both of us and have everyone not know.. I think people will figure this one out from appearance. I feel I need an honest relationship with my child.

Answer 1

Yes but in ways it's kinda silly as the legitimate father may not want anything to do with you period.  I don't blame the man for what he wants, if he's willing to care for that child and be a father, why would it bother you?  You can always tell this child later in life if you wanted, and maybe by then your husband would also change his mind.  

Answer 2

I think it is really good that he wants to raise the child as his own and never question it again.  The child needs a father whether it's his biological one or not. Now, let me tell you about this from a child's point of view, because my story is the same as your child's.  

My mother got pregnant with me after a one night stand when she was 15.  When she was 16, she met my "dad".  They married when she was 17, and I was 1.  My whole life, they left me believing that my dad was my biological dad, although I did question it several times (even as an adult).  Finally, just a few months ago, at the age of 29, I finally got my parents to tell me the truth about everything and they admitted that my dad is not my biological father.  Yes, I was VERY angry for awhile, but I got over it....and realized how lucky I was to have two parents that loved me as much as they did to have kept such a secret for so long.  I know that they only did what they did because they thought they were doing what was best for me.

The gist of what I am saying here, is that I do not think it will do any harm to your child if you allow your husband to continue raising him as his own.  However, when the time comes that your child starts asking questions (and trust me, it WILL happen) be honest at that point.  Tell your child that a father is someone who loves unconditionally and is there to clap and cheer when the situation calls for it, and there to wipe away tears when needed, and that's what your husband has been - a father.  Tell your child that his biological "father" has not made himself easily available, so you don't know where he is....but be careful not to word it so it sounds like he just flat out didn't want the child.  Your child may be angry for awhile, and has every right to be....but will eventually come to realize that having two parents that love him/her as much as you do is much better than having gone through childhood without the bond that only a dad and his child can have.  Good luck to you.

Answer 3

My cousin had that same situation happen to her.  She decided not to tell her child and her and her husband separated and his new girlfriend told the little girl when she was about 11.  That was awful.  I told her from day one not to lie to her daughter.  This may not be all situations but you have to take into consideration that you will be lying to your child FOR LIFE.  I try to never lie to my children because if I get caught that sticks in their minds forever.  Good luck in your situation.

Answer 4

Most adopted child don't care who their parent is, they only care if their parent love them. If their blood parent can't love them as much as  adopted parent, what good about it? The bond between child and parent, besides blood, is the love they share and the time they spend together.  

Answer 5

Why bother?  Who cares what the genetics are (and you dont even know, maybe youre making a big deal and it turns out its his anyway).  You obviously have no relationship with the possible birth father, so why involve him and complicate things when your current partner loves and adores the kid? If you love your husband, why would you separate from him over who may be the genetic contributor to your child... Most women in that position would be thrilled their hubby wants and loves the child.    

Answer 6

i think that you are cheatjng your husband

Answer 7

Wow, no wonder you cheated on him. You need a real man in your life, not a p*ssy-whipped puppy dog. Your child eventually will need to know who the real father is for medical/genetic disease reasons at the very least.