Should I settle for a 2nd rate <span title="woman?...............................?">woman?......................</span>

Question

After having already met the best there could possibly be and being unable to have her, should I even consider anyone else who might come along down the road? I don't even see the point when I'm more than sure that any such woman would never have a chance of living up to the woman I've just mentioned. Just wonderin', has anyone else been in this same boat before...?

By the way, the woman I'm talkin' about is not an ex. She's just someone I've known for awhile and wish more than anything I could be with, but can't...

Answer 1

D: Awwwww *hugs* I&#039;m sorry you can&#039;t get her! x.x But at least try!!!  Never settle for something you don&#039;t really want! &gt;:| I FORBID IT! Well if you  REAAAALLLY can&#039;t have her I suggest take a vacation :3 to a fun exotic place where you know are fun girls around.

Usually better girls suited  for you are never in your home town/home state, that or they are people you can&#039;t have x.x Soooo I suggest a fun vacation! I really hope you find the gal for you!!! *hugs* Good Luck!

-Ryko

Answer 2

Your question is a bit confusing but anyways I am going to answer, dude why don&#039;t you try to be with her, better to try than to wonder forever your in love with this woman tell her what you told us and give it at least a try.. good luck.

Answer 3

I fully understand.  I had a male friend that felt the same way about me but I did not feel that about him.  In time he found someone.  Yes you have to &quot;weed&quot; out a few but you do deserve a chance at love.  My best advice though.  DO NOT compare everyone to her.  Otherwise you will make it an impossible mark to reach for another woman.

Answer 4

your 57 ...get what you can and run with it ........

Answer 5

if you&#039;re 57 yrs old then i&#039;m assuming you&#039;ve known yourself very well.

in my opinion, you went for the girl of your dreams but failed and that&#039;s a very sad experience. but if she has rejected u already, that means you have closure -- that means, you shouldn&#039;t fantasize much anymore.

if you carry the thots of comparing your potential girl frds to your &quot;dream girl&quot;, you will be doing sth very unfair to both the girls and yourself. you will have a mental balance to weigh each girl out, compare their flaws and focus on what they don&#039;t match up, instead of their unique qualities.

until you can completely let go of that girl, i don&#039;t think you&#039;re ready to look for another mate. besides, honestly... you didn&#039;t date the dream girl, did you? so, you don&#039;t know if she and you will work out afterall, right?

to me, she&#039;s not your other half... your soul mate will come along when you are ready for her. you shouldn&#039;t think that that girl is the last perfect woman for you, otherwise you&#039;re just closing up doors for yourself.

heal, rest, relax, work, have fun, start looking for a new nice lady, then take it from there~~    

Answer 6

With that attitude I don`t think you`ll find anyone who`ll &quot;live up to your expectations&quot;.  You can`t compare each person you meet to someone who -supposedly- is your &quot;ideal&quot;.  Each person has her own flaws and qualities, but you must try to focus on all the good in each person you meet, instead of wasting your time and energy in making comparisons all the time.  

Answer 7

Just because you THINK everyone else is 2nd rate in comparison... it doesn&#039;t actually mean that they ARE 2nd rate...that&#039;s simply your perception creating your reality.  And as long as you cling to that perception, nothing will ever change for you.  To use an analogy ( you know me...can&#039;t get by without using at least ONE...lol)...when you drive a car, where do keep your eyes?  On the rear-view mirror?...no...well you COULD...but you&#039;d probably miss your landmarks, pass your exit, neglect to see the scenery around you...and in all probability, drive yourself right off the road eventually.

I&#039;m not saying to &#039;settle&#039;...EVER.  But perhaps you need to tweak your perception of what&#039;s acceptable to you...or even desirable.  It sounds to me like the only thing you CAN change is how you feel about it.

Answer 8

Hun...if you can&#039;t have her..do you really want anyone else? you&#039;re answer is prob no right? i have no solution for you unfortunately, you  have to come up with one on your own...doesnt&#039; sound like you&#039;re going to get over her either....idk...i&#039;m sorry..

*hands you a cookie...*

Answer 9

Never settle for a 2nd rate woman because there are too many first rate women out there.  The way to attract one is to be a first rate man.  Since no one is perfect, don&#039;t look for perfection.  If you knew this woman on an intimate basis (not s*x) she might not sit well on the pedestal you have placed her on.

The two alternatives to not doing so is to be lonely or a stalker.

Answer 10

shes only &quot;first rate&quot; in your mind, no one elses.

Move on and get over it, there are plenty of GREAT WOMEN out there, more than likely you&#039;ll find a better one too.

edit, Mr Monday, now that you&#039;ve added some detail...

You ARE comparing her to all other women by the mere statement of &quot;settling for 2nd rate&quot;&gt;....that SAYS, ..all others are &quot;second rate&quot; to her. You ve worded it all wrong.  If you &quot;cant&quot; have her for personal reasons (and other than shes married or taken, i cant imagine another reason at all, other than religious or race, and yes, i&#039;ve been thinking about it)...then you have NO CHOICE but to stop dwelling on it, or you&#039;ll live out the rest of your life ALONE.

And at 57 yrs old, which is not old, but not super young, you have plenty of LIVING to do , so do it. Get on with it and start dating and stop dwelling. EITHER THAT OR FIX THE SO CALLED PERSONAL REASON AND MAKE IT HAPPEN . NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, STANDS IN THE WAY OF TRUE LOVE! period!

by the way, i notice you dont mention ONCE how this woman feels about you?????

Answer 11

  There is no such thing as a 2nd rate woman. A woman is as much as you are or as much as you make her to be. In your mind, you idolize that woman. Without knowing, you compare. Get over it! Find yourself a woman that can be good to you because all this fanfare may be detrimental to you.

Answer 12

There&#039;s no perfect woman.  But there will be a perfect one for you that will come along.  you&#039;ll meet another great one.  Don&#039;t be discouraged.  

Answer 13

If she&#039;s married, you&#039;d better stay away!

Stop looking for HER qualities in someone else. Other women have different qualities that can be just as appealing, but in different areas.

Answer 14

If you like sloppy 2nds

Answer 15

NEVER SETTLE!

Answer 16

My ex was the best and he was my first rate guy unfortunatly we broke up we were so young i ended up dating another guy got pregnant and now were engaged but i always think about him it sucks he also moved on and just had a baby but we always think about eachother and now its just to complicated theres kids involved and all that stuff follow your heart and go for the one you want its awful not to i love my new guy but always think about the other one he was the one.

Answer 17

What makes this woman so great that no one else can live up to her, was she a demigod or something.  Time to quit sniveling and just take em as they come.

Answer 18

if you CAN&#039;T be with this magnificent woman, then why demolish the thought of another woman? Do you want to spend forever alone because you wanted someone you couldn&#039;t have? I don&#039;t think its the other women that don&#039;t have the chance of living up to her, they are probably the luckiest because they don&#039;t have to deal with your drama.  

Answer 19

It sounds to me like you aren&#039;t giving yourself (or any potential woman in your life) a fair chance. When it comes to loving someone, you truly cannot compare them to someone else-you have to love them for who they are, not who they do or do not remind you of. And since you admit to never being with this fantasy woman of yours, how do you know she is even so great?! My advice: look for someone who makes you happy and has the qualities you think are necessary in a partner and forget about the girl who &quot;got away.&quot;

Answer 20

In my opinion you should not settle. First of all, you do not 100% know that the person you think is the best, is the best.  She may meet your standards for someone you want to marry but even then she may not be the best.  The &quot;best&quot; for you will come along when God is ready for you to have her.  Until then have fun and date.

I thought I had the best, but later I found out he wasn&#039;t.  I&#039;m so glad that I didn&#039;t marry him.  I married my &quot;best&#039;!

Answer 21

Yes, I can relate to this point of view on some level, but you should realize your chance of finding fulfillment with anyone is severely limited if you think of her as &quot;second rate&quot; (even if you never verbalize that sentiment out loud). Why? Because, in fairness, you won&#039;t be giving her the best of yourself, or giving her a proper opportunity to give you the best of herself since your conception of the &quot;ideal&quot; woman will always lie dormant but suggestive in the back of your mind. As we think, so we respond. That&#039;s not fair to either one of you. Any woman you involve yourself with will want to shine in your eyes, but she will resent being compared to some phantom  woman from your past. Frankly, we&#039;re all flawed in some form or another, but I can understand how you saw an idyllic embodiment of perfection in a woman you&#039;ve known...I&#039;ve been there, too. But, in reality, the perfect woman for you will reciprocate your feelings. Don&#039;t chase her away because you&#039;re paying homage to an illusion.

Answer 22

you may be lonely for the rest of your life, but if you can&#039;t get over her, it wouldn&#039;t be fair to a new love...