Should I simply end contact with my mother?

Question

Basically my mom is a loser. She lays around her house all day watching reality TV and smoking pot, drinking, popping pills, and she is nearing 60. Even at 60 she is still loose about who she has s*x with, her boyfriend is a recouving crackhead. During my childhood I basically was the adult she was completly inable to take care of herself. She enjoys being unresonsible and having people take care of her but I pretty much abondoned her, Im working and in college getting A's I am thinking about cutting off all contact and just forgetting her. My reason is I am not religious and I dont think I want to waste my one life around her. What do you think? Cold, yes but who cares.

Answer 1

u really dont need that stress.. make ur own way thru life... dont completly cutt her off but do stay away as much as possible... maybe give her a call once a month.... but dont let her way of life break you down.. somethimes u just have to let certain things run off of ur shoulders.... dont let it affect u.... u cant control the way she acts but u can decide not be around it and how much u want to endure... good luck...

Answer 2

Yea i agree thats b.s. if u ask me. Here are some ideas you can do before you cut her off you can write her a letter tell her everything that you hate that she does dont really put her down but tell her she can do better and let her know she needs rehab for starters. Its not easy when the one you love is doing everything they can possibly do to hate themselves but my sissy was into things she shouldnt have been and i asked her if i hate put her through rehab would she be mad at me for doing so and she told me she would for a couple days but after a couple weeks she would realize how much she loves me. They have a problem they dont realize it and they cover it up...everybody is to afraid to tell them thinking they wont change and they dont give an effort into it...so you have to work your way around it.

Answer 3

Well...If this was a friend everyone on here would probably say "find new friends". Seeing as how it's your mom, I'm guessing alot will say "don't..she is your mother"

Sadly, you cannot pick your family. If she is being toxic in your life...cut the ties. I haven't talked to my mom in three years (Im working, going to school, getting visiting rights with my sister, and rent an apartment with my boyfriend). What I'm trying to say, is Im doing better now (I miss having a mom sometimes, dont get me wrong). I cut her out of my life and its one less thing I have to have anxiety about.

Best of luck (and sorry if my response sounds cold)

Answer 4

Try 2 get some help for her, and tell her 2 lay off the pot she is not 13 yeah now... all i have 2 say is tell her how u feel.  Also tell her that she is being irrisponsable and she needs 2 take care of her self, then u can lose contact with her but then again its ur mother soo its pretty much is up 2 u.

Answer 5

Maybe you should help her out with the whole pot, drinking, and pill thing. It seems as if you're the only person she has left in her life to help her out. Try taking her to rehab and trying to get her out of drugs. She's your mom. She needs you.

Answer 6

Maybe a reality check would help her.  Call the cops on her, or stage an intervention.  In that way, not only could you help her turn her life around, but that means you could possibly mend the relationship.  If you have no desire to mend the relationship, ending contact with your mother seems to be the best idea.  You seem to be a responsible adult trying to start a life, and you don't need to be drug down by an adult that can't take care of herself.

...and if you're planning to have children at some point, do you want them to grow up with a grandparent like that?  Keep in mind, she may try to use them against you as a guilt trip into helping her.  Stop enabling her by helping her; if she uses your help to lead the addicted life style she lives, you're just as responsible for rolling that joint for her.

Answer 7

I felt sorry for you until I read the last thing you added.

Yes she is a loser, but you sound really cold and callous when your true feelings came out at the end.

Of course it would be incredibly hard for you to respect and love someone like that.  Lead your own life and get on with it if that is what you want.  You don't have to cut all ties though.  Move away and keep going with your studies, send her birthday and xmas cards etc, but you don't have to see her or send a soppy mothers day card that you don't mean.  Some people cannot be helped, but she is obviously a sick lost soul. Remember to have compassion for others or you too may end up the same.  Addiction is in the genes.