Should I spend the holidays with my EX husband or my current husband?

Question

Why is it every time I say I don't want my EX to come to "MY" family get-togethers and "MY" family reunions, people say I am being selfish and that I should let him come for my kids sake?

I have been with someone else for a while now and my EX still shows up at all my family functions and I really DON'T want to be around him.

Why is everyone calling me selfish?

Answer 1

I don't think you're selfish. I wouldn't want an ex around my family gatherings, even if we did have kids. Does he just show up or do they invite him? Hmm...I don't know. Just try to avoid talking to him, I guess.  

Answer 2

Hi, I used to have this problem as well until I made it perfectly clear to my family that if "he" was going to be there I was NOT. They didn't believe me until it came time for a get to together and I did not show up. After that they new how serious I was and decided they would rather have me there then him so that ended that. You should try it and see what happens. Good Luck.

Answer 3

i know i wouldnt like it. your family isnt being fair.

Answer 4

it depends on if they can get along...  i've seen it done..  it's kinda weird though..lol..  but if it works out the first time you try, then over the years it will be natural... and benifical  

Answer 5

That's a "hard pill to swallow"!

I know, I still go thru the same thing on occasion,

I guess, it was she and I that "divorced", not them and her!

Its hard not to let resentment grow in there!

But its only once or twice every 10  years or so~

So I just deal with, and treat her as an "Ole Friend"!

Answer 6

your family needs help !

Answer 7

Tell your family it's you or your ex.  

Answer 8

Your ex should see your kids around his family.

Your ex doesn't just show up someone in your family invites him. It sounds like you have relatives who don't like your current husband and are hoping to break you up

Answer 9

It gets really exhausting trying to please others, would they do that for you? They should honor your feelings and be respectful. Perhaps you need to "lay down the law", so to speak. Ok, if you re-read the title of your question out loud, as if another wrote it, you may see it more clearly. I vote current husband, let kids be with their father and his family. If you want your new hubby with you, that is what you do, and it is in no way selfish! It is the respectful thing to do. What your family suggests, sounds rather peculiar.  If my husband brought his ex and not me, I would be upset. Best of luck, go with YOUR heart.    

Answer 10

Because for however many years you were together, your family considers him family and him them.  

Why should it bother you so much??  Yes, he should be there for your kids!! He likes your family, they him.  Just accept it and let everyone just get along.

Answer 11

Your not being selfish they are your family reunions, if your family likes him so much, why don't you tell them you don't care if they invite him to there home for regular visits but not during family reunions, but you prefer not to be around him. You have a new husband, they need to respect that and accept it. If not let them know you and your family will not be attending, stick to your guns on this.  I hope this makes sense. Good luck.

Answer 12

that's dumb i would not want my ex at my family stuff

Answer 13

You're not selfish, and your kids will be fine if he's not at all the family events.  My ex and I divide the holidays so the kids get to spend time with each of our families equally.  The kids go with him to his family functions and go with me to mine.  The only time that his family and mine interact is at kid's birthday parties.  My kids are well adjusted and happy and they still receive the full benefit of extended families on both sides.  The stuff about this being for the kids is hogwash.  There's no sense in it and you should never be put into a position where you are uncomfortable with your own family.  It's time to have a talk with both them and the ex.  What they're asking isn't right and it isn't necessary.

Answer 14

Your family and friends are CRAZY.  It shows no respect to your current husband to allow your ex to join in on FAMILY get togethers.  He is no longer your family, he is still your kid's dad, and as such they should interact with him, but no need at all for him to pretend to still be in a happy family with you.  Make this clear to your family, he will no longer be allowed to join get togethers as this is totally ridiculous, and that if he is invited, YOU will not be there.  Let them make that choice.