Should I stay friends with this person or not? Person one?

Question

We met at a drama group a few years back. I have Asperger's Syndrome. She has that - I think - and depression (possibly among other mental health problems). She's mature and sensible in someways, but very childlike in others

GO

Whenever I go to see her, I feel like I get nothing out of it

Her cooking (Bless her for trying... but it's REALLY not good!)

My throat always ends up hoarse form the amount of talking I end up doing

She always tries to make me stay as long as possible (e.g. On a few mondays back when she was going to a training course, she said "Maybe have a coffee?". This was about 10/11am... and the course woudln't have finished till 5pm!!)

After I've seen her, I always feel relieved to go home

She's very persistent in trying to get her own way when it comes to seeing me

She does have other friends but.... not that many (I'm her closest one, I think)

She calls me "domesticated" when I help with the household tasks and I'm supposed to take this as a compliment(?!)

She doesn't know I'm a L*****n and I don't know how she'd take it (She's Church of England, whereas I'm a secularist)

Her puppy-like enthusiasm whenever she sees me

I feel drained when I see her

STAY

I calm her down, according to her

I help her with the washing up

I listen to her

She listens to me

She's almost motherly in her hostessing manner (makes sure to feed you lots of things)

She doesn't seem to have many good firends (Me and a couple of other people who she doesn't see much of)

Tolerant and open-minded

I'm "bubbly and mature" (WHAT?! I'm not mature and I'm painfully introverted)

Her puppy-like enthusiasm whenever she sees me

I don't think she'd take it too well if I called off the 'friendship'

She doesn't make bitchy comments about other peoples' outfits

Answer 1

The relationship is not good if you are always feeling down.

I think if it were me, I would see her less often. Go only when you are feeling strong enough to take it all.

You could drop the friendship. But if you decide that, do it gradually.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

If you don't want to be friends with her you need to be honest with her and you need to actually tell her. Many people with Asperger's syndrome tend to not get subtle hints. Ignoring her is clearly not working, that's a message she is unlikely to "get". She needs to HEAR it.

She sounds lonely and like she really wants to be your friend and spend time with you, but you're being fake to her and I'm sure she'd rather know now that you are not a good friend and not like she thinks you are, rather than be lead on for longer and hurt later when she finds out the truth.

Answer 3

well it sounds like she gets a lot more out of the friendship than you do. Try cooling it down a bit, you say she's persistent and gets her own way when she wants to see you, tell her your busy or want some time alone every now and then. i dont think it would be wise to break off the friendship completely but maybe it would be best for both of you if you cool it off a bit, it will make her a bit more independent and maybe give her a chance to get closer to her other friends and will give you both time to re-assess your friendship.  

Answer 4

She's just lonely and likes to be around you. When you visit her make a point to tell her you have to be somewhere else at a certain time (even if you don't) so you can spend time with her and get out of there without feeling bad or having her try to convince you to hang around even longer.

LOL @ bitchy comments about other people's outfits. hahahaha! Love it.

Answer 5

Man! You have to live your own life and not be beholden to anyone. If you want to continue in a relationship that causes you more pain than pleasure then maybe you have to start questioning your motives.

Don't settle for less than you want because of some self esteem issues to do with your syndrom. We all equally deserve to be free and to go for what we want, with respect.

Good luck in resolving your issues. They are all your own, not hers. Don't be fooled into behaving according to others expectations of you, and don't try to be a saviour.

Answer 6

no offence buh it seems tha ya being a two faced t**t if ya dont like the lass then dont go see her dont jus go to see her for the sake off it then basically slag er off on ere saying "After I've seen her, I always feel relieved to go home" tbh you should get her to read this n see if she wants to be anywer near ya. andd ya call yaslf a good friend wen ya on ere asking other people who you dont even know whether to be friends with her. ya sound stuck up and not like a mate at all jus hope she realises it.